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My mom died today

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I still can't believe this happened so fast. My mom started to show signs of confusion and enxiety a week ago, and home care was getting more difficult. On St. Patricks day, she had a rather hard time of things. She didn't know what she wanted, and could not find any place comfortable to be. Finally out of the blue she told me she wanted to go to the hospital. I called the Hospice nurse and she came up after listening to my description of mom and her behavior. When she got here she said mom was showing "Terminal Restlessness" and that combined with a low blood pressure and irratic breathing prompted her to call mom's Dr. They direct admitted her that night and I felt a little better knowing she was in competent hands.

Thursday I managed to get her to eat two servings of orange sherbert, which I took as a good sign, because she hadn't eaten since Sunday. Friday she was more out of it, and wanted to go to the bathroom. She was unable to go on a bedpan and they did an ultra sound to see if her bladder was indeed full. They saw it was and decided to insert a Foley Catheter. That was a major ordeal for all involved, because mom had weird anatomy there. When it was all done and in place, the nurse came into the waiting room where I had dozed off, and paniced me by telling me that mom was dying.

There was no family to call, but my best friend works in the hospital and I knew she was at work. They called her and she joined me. Well mom wasn't quite ready to go but she had really taken a turn for the worse yet again. I began my bedside vigil at 4 pm yesterday, and stayed up with her all night, holding her hand and stroking it, letting her know I was there and all.

She started to show the other signs of iminent death, the purple coloring in her legs and feet, dropping blood pressure, rapid pulse, erratic breathing etc...

My aunts had just called one after the other to check on her and to tell me to kiss her goodbye for them. I went to her good ear and told her they loved her adn gave her the kisses from them and told heragain how much I loved her and my daughter loved her and that we would be ok (although I doubt we will) and that it was really ok if she wanted to go and join my dad and my brother (who died in a car accident in 1972). I returned to my chair and wasn't there 2 minutes when she let out a funny breath and then her chest didn't move for about 30 seconds, and then she did it all over again, and one final time, by which time the nurse was there and confirmed she had passed. I really fell apart, because I didn't think it would be that fast after I had talked to her.

So now per her wishes, she will be cremated and buried in the same grave as my brother and my dad.

And my job will now begin, getting rid of things through donations and a garage sale, and attempting to sell the house before the bank forcloses on it.

This board has been very supportive, I wish I would have found it sooner than I did, like when the initial diagnosis was given. I thank you all for reading my posts and for your kind words, thoughts and prayers. Bless you all.


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Dearest Leslie:

My heart goes out to you. I know what you're going through, having been there recently myself. My mom passed away Nov 20th, and the man in my life passed Jan 9th from Bladder/Bone cancer. I was with him and at his side 24/7 for 3 weeks before he passed away. Everyone is different, darlin, and your mom did what mine did. We kissed her, told her we loved her and that we'd be ok and that it was ok for her to go and be happy. She closed her eyes, and in a very short time was gone. Steve did basically the same thing. Once they know we'll be ok, and that all we want is for them to be happy, it's like giving them permisson to leave. And the hard part is for those of us who are left. It's been 2 1/2 months since Steve passed and I'm just now starting to pull it all together. One piece of advice, if you can get friends or family to help you, do it. It makes all the difference in the world not having to do all that yourself. You WILL be ok, though. And you'll do what needs to be done. Give yourself time, let your emotions flow, and allow yourself to heal. You're in my prayers!

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I, too, regret you didnt find us sooner, however, we are your family now. Pls continue to come back for support. People here do care and can help you with your grief. I am not sure about your hospice, but they also should offer some services for you that may help.

Reading your post broke my heart, but pls know that you are strong.


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I am so very sorry that you are going through this extremely hard time in your young life.

Your dear mom is at peace as is my Buddy. We who are left have a very hard road to tow but we will for there is no other choice. Thank goodness you have a family to fall back on and to keep your mind busy each day. Let the tears flow for that is good to let out the stress.

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