Guest katie Posted March 23, 2004 Share Posted March 23, 2004 SOmeone posted about dreams...well I finally had one about my dad. I'm not sure if it was the morphine from when I was in the hospital or the Vicodin the next day that couldv'e cause the dreams- I don't know... I haven't dreamed at all in over a year. But I am thankful to have seen him again after 6 1/2 months. I cried (and woke up crying) I told him how sorry I was. How I didn't find the right medicenes or the right treatment and that I was so sorry he died and that I couldn't save him. (I really thought I was going to there for a while- egotistical/hopeful/foolish/niave/= all of the above) Thought that if I armed myself and stayed on top of things we'd beat this disease...but we lost and daddy died and somehow I haven't been able to forgive myself because I thought (still think) I could've done something more or something different and he'd still be alive today! I've been beating myself up and missing him like crazy for 6 1/2 long long months. I told him all this in my dream- and told him how sorry I was that he died and I couldn't save him...and in typical my daddy fashion- he was of little words- put his arm around me and hugged me close and said. "It's OK, babe." and I knew (at least in my dream) that it was. I woke up crying, but I was so greatful I had that dream. Finally. I am still in a bit of pain from being ill last week- think I'll have myself another pill before bedtime and see if I dream again- I hope I don't. Because if I don't, that means that it wasn't the pills that made me have that dream...and maybe, just maybe, I'll dream of him (I'll see him) in my dreams again some night. KatieB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shirleyb Posted March 23, 2004 Share Posted March 23, 2004 Katie, How like your dad to tell you everything is okay. You did your best and he knew that. I am glad you had your dream finally. I am glad you were able to tell him what was on your heart and that he answered you. Get some rest dear girl and I hope you are feeling better soon. Much love, shirleyb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathy Posted March 23, 2004 Share Posted March 23, 2004 Katie, I know what you mean about the dreams. I always dream so I was so disappointed when I didnt dream about my dad until 2 weeks ago.. I was at an outside music theatre and my dad was the singer, his voice was beautiful and he was so healthy, he was singing an old Italian song, so needless to say I was on a quest to find out exactly what the words mean. I was on the internet for 2 hours and still couldnt find any translation. I have 21 Italian cousins my mom is Italian and understood Italian because thats all her mother spoke to her but no one knows exactly what the words mean.. We used to sing this song all the time, he only sang a couple verses from it. Any way I woke up smiling, for the first time since that day, I thought of my dad and smiled, it felt sooo good,so Katie I am hoping there are more SWEET DREAMS for you and I... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted March 23, 2004 Share Posted March 23, 2004 Katie, It could very well have been the drugs - NOT that you were "high", but that your mind was finally allowed some rest and there was quiet so you could hear him.... Maybe if you could relax more you could see him without the aid of medication.... Becky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest its me debaroo Posted March 23, 2004 Share Posted March 23, 2004 Katie, I agree with Becky, the meds allowed your mind to be clear so that you would allow him to come through. I truly believe that as adults, we tend to rationalize and think too much, we need to allow our minds to become free of fear,scepticism, and even guilt. I think that those things create a sort of static, if you will, into our minds and hearts, and that static makes it difficult for the signs to come to us...for our loved ones to connect with us. I think that we have to allow the pureness of our love to lead the way. I don't mean to appear to get all 'new age' (God knows that I get annoyed by that stuff) on you. I do believe that children tend to be closer to the spirit world, because their hears are pure...they believe in magic, they believe in that which can't be seen, or measured in some way. Maybe now that your Dad was able to come to you in your dreams, it will happen more often. I hope so. Now, about this guilt stuff...Please, you are not superwoman...you are a super woman-but they are two different things. And as a super woman and daughter, you did all that you could do for your Daddy-and I think that you know that and your Daddy, he knows, too. The what ifs are, in my opinion are self-destructive. We tourture ourselves, we beat ourselves up, and why? As I see it, I wanted my dad to live...I prayed, in fact...when I did pray I would literally say to God, "Look, I know that I am supposed to say Thy will be done-I am supposed to live the final decision of my father living or dying in your ever-capable hands, and tell You that I trust you. But You know what I want, I cannot hide the fact from You...You know me better than I do, and so for me to try to hide MY hopes from you is not only pointless, but makes me feel like I am trying to dupe You...so I will not waste Your time, or insult Your intellegence. I want my Daddy to live, but I know that you may have other plans. But I do wish my dad would be OK.." God answered my prayer, not the way I would have liked, but He didn't ignore my prayers...to my prayer, my wish that my daddy live, God answered...He said "No". He did not say no to be mean or cruel, He said no because He had different plans. And I truly believe that...and I accept that. My point is, whenever I start to self-abuse myself with "I should have done this, I should have done that" I go through that whole scenario that I just typed in the paragraph above, and it brings me back down to earth.. I am just a human being...I try to be a good one, but I am just that-human. I try to do the right thing by my family, my friends, myself, but I am just a human. Sorry for the long post, but I just hate the fact that you in some way take responsibilty for your fathers fate-it is just that-his fate...your job was to make the most of the time your dad had here, you sought help for him, you expressed your love to your father through your action in being his advocate, and throug your words and support. You spent time with your dad, you cared for him...you did your job, Katie, and you did it beautifully. Take care, my friend, and try and keep things in perspective. You are, after all, human. And you are a darn good one!! Deb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
betplace Posted March 23, 2004 Share Posted March 23, 2004 Well said Deb! Katie, what she said is truth my dear. Be kind to yourself, you have been through so much. Rest your mind, be content that you are doing the best you can. Blessings Betty Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KC Posted March 28, 2004 Share Posted March 28, 2004 Katie, I too REALLY thought I was going to save my father. I really did for 2-1/2 years. But I could not either, and like everyone has said, I guess it really wasn't up to us at all, was it? My Daddy said to me every day, everything is going to be OK. The last week when he was in all that pain, he kept saying, "we'll get out of this one way or another", "everything will be OK". I am anxiously awaiting my first dream where I can here that everything IS OK. Much love to you Katie. I hope you are feeling better. Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.