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Dean Update, Pls


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It's me, your antithisis (sp)(lol) wanting to know how you and Gay are doing. I am probably not the only one who depends on hearing from you both and who gains strength from your courage and convictions.

Though, I am still upside down and weepy more than I think is best (is it a girl thing?), I have had so many insights into what I am going through from reading your posts.

I was reading a post of yours where you talked about Gay being angry with you and your DX but that you were able to convince her that you didn't get LC on purpose and had you known you would and especially at an early age....

SOme time ago I posted about my own anger at my DX. But what I really have been plagued with is the anger that others will have at me--. Even if they don't voice the anger or blame, I am certain that it is there. And maybe they feel bad for having that anger. I think it is normal. But I feel so bad about it.

How did you get through your anger Gay? Has anyone else ever had this fear or am I the only guilt ridden person around? I don't even think this is just about smoking, though that certainly exacerbates the issue. I probably would feel guilty for some reason or another. Ok so I know this forum isn't a pshychitrist, and I do have a counselor, but I would like to hear from "real life" people who are dealing with their illness.

I know this is difficult topic, but maybe someone will be wise or brave enough to offer insight.


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I'm not Dean or Gay, but I can offer some insight........my insight. When we went to the pulmonary Dr. and he gave us the dreaded news......lung cancer.....my sweet Dad turned to me and said, "I'm sorry." I didn't think to much about it then because I was in shock at the diagnosis. When we got to the car, I asked Dad why he said he was sorry. He said that he was sorry that he smoked, he was sorry that he got lung cancer, he was sorry that him and my stepmother got divorced and I would be the one to have to take care of him, and he was sorry that I didn't have any brothers or sisters to help me. He absolutely broke my heart!! I assured him that in my book he had NOTHING to feel guilty about. There are LOTS of people who have NEVER smoked and get lung cancer.......sure, smoking increases the chances, but I still could not think of anything but making sure that my Dad gets absolutely the BEST care that is available. I also reassured him that he would have the best caregiver......me. I assured him that I would be there for him every step of the way. So far, I have been.........maybe I am there too much........yes, I am over protective......every little change I want him to get checked. I try hard to be there but not smother him. It's hard though because I love him with EVERY INCH of my heart!!

Elaine, hon, please don't feel guilty. I know you was going to talk to your children about your illness. How did that go? You did tell them, right? I'm sure that your children love you just as much as I love my Dad. I'm sure that they do not hold you personally responsible for your illness. I'm certain that they just want the very best for you. All of this is coming from an adult child's perspective. Maybe Dean and Gay can offer the flip side to my response. I am not downing anyone for their feelings. I'm sure that lots of people are very angry at their spouse, parent, or loved one.............it would be just as normal as the way I feel about my Dad's disease. Everyone is different. This has been MY feelings towards my Dad's illness.

Elaine, wish I could hug you right now and reassure you that you need not feel guilty!! You are a fantastic and caring lady.......stand tall, hold you chin up and be proud of who you are!! You are someone special!


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