Andrea Posted March 24, 2004 Share Posted March 24, 2004 I am so sad for Andrea B. I am worried about Judy B. and how Steph is holding up. I miss Natalie's mom even though I never met her. I wonder where Laurie is and I hope Denise's mom is doing ok. It is so wierd, I never met anyone here, yet everyone feels like close friends and family and I find myself crying for everyone and I have no idea why I have tears running down my cheeks now. My poor husband, he thinks I am nuts. He keeps asking me if something happened today. Nothing happened. But I started a minor cough, do I have lung cancer? I get heart flutters, I wonder what is wrong and this is not a normal way to live. I have a 32 year old acquaintence from LA who was just diagnosed with lymphoma yest from simply shoulder pain! It is hard to cope always thinking the worse. My mom and I got our haircuts on Sat and went to Nordstroms. I walked around and wondered to my mom out loud that I wonder who else in the store has cancer. I dream it. It is always on my mind. I am so lucky and I feel guilty about that. For now, my mom just had her surgery and she is stable and has a fightint chance. But as we all know, that rarely lasts long. I hate feeling sorry for myself and I just hate how this disease robs us of normal life. I hate crying and I hate being moody and cranky. Ok, I am done rambling. Maybe there should be a forum for loony rants like this one that are posted for no reason And now for a xanax. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MJ Posted March 24, 2004 Share Posted March 24, 2004 hi andrea, you are by no means alone! i too often go through these rambling uncontrollable emotions, so i can totally empathize! my mom was diagnosed with stage iv nsclc late last year, and let me tell you-once one person in the family gets cancer, everyone is affected emotionally, mentally and even physically. i find myself not being able to eat when my mother felt too sick to eat. my father, a man who exercises everyday and eats healthy foods, got shingles. i found my older brother crying days before his wedding (which is supposed to be one of the happiest days in his life) because of my mother's condition. and i can feel angry, sad, etc. for a moment, and then be happy a second later. and whenever i see a person smoking, i want to knock the cigarette out of his/her hand and yell 'cause i feel that he/she is wasting his/her life away. and i too walk around the mall often thinking who else has cancer and who doesn't know it yet. these are all natural feelings, so don't ever feel guilty for having them. but also, don't let these feeling consume you because your family needs your support too. it's a hard time, so much so that i would never wish this upon anybody's worst enemies, but simultaneously i sometimes feel angry that my family is going through this since my mom never smoked, exercised daily, watched her food intake, and has always been a caring and giving person. so i feel for you and pray that you and your family are filled with understanding and comfort. please know that you are in my thoughts and remembered that there is always hope. take care, mj Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donna D Posted March 24, 2004 Share Posted March 24, 2004 Andrea, I know just how you feel. Even though Mom is no longer here, there are days that it still consumes me. I go through the same thing. I get a cough, have a pain I wonder if my path is the same as hers. I worry about the people here and pray for them and a cure of this awful disease. So I've been to my doctor, who also helped my mother, and she has already done chest x-rays, which she said will be done regularly now, given me lexapro and xanax for the really tough days. But the best thing she has given me is a shoulder to cry on. Hang in there, we are in it together. I hope you Mom is feeling good and remains good for a very long time to beat this thing. Dona Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
natalie Posted March 24, 2004 Share Posted March 24, 2004 Andrea, Thanks for being such a good friend. Love ya. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gay Posted March 24, 2004 Share Posted March 24, 2004 Hi Andrea, Remember you are human with true emotions that will find an outlet - go ahead and cry. I am the Chief "emotion stuffer" around here and the more I "stuff stuff"; the longer the agony - plus I had an ulcer and ibs before Dean's Cancer diagnosis. Let it out - punching pillows is always a favorite; or some type of a stress ball/bag (I broke a rubber one once - it was full of rich black dirt). Got the stress out and had a good laugh, too. Take care of yourself. Gay Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angie Daughter of Bill Posted March 24, 2004 Share Posted March 24, 2004 You are not crazy.......well maybe, but if you are then so am I!! I do the same thing. I cry at the drop of a hat. I can be upbeat and laughing, then a song will come on the radio.........well, the tears start flowing. (ANY song about a father and daughter.....might as well get the Kleenex) Some days, especially when the kids are at school, I'm cleaning house........my mind starts wandering, then I realize that I am crying. Sometimes I'm not even aware of when it starts. Cancer is so tough. It's hard for the patient and the family. I know that this has been NO help what so ever......just wanted to let you know that there is another "loon" here, too!! Hoping and praying that you have better days!! Angie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tess Posted March 25, 2004 Share Posted March 25, 2004 I also have those days where I just fall apart and cry, but I always feel better when I'm done. Its best not to bottle the emotions up inside. It probably causes cancer when we can't release it! (seems like everything causes cancer) I lost my sis to cancer two years ago and now my husband is fighting for his life too. I keep wondering when or who will be next? Cancer is like a demon who takes posession of us. Some people learn to fight back and some will win the fight, and some won't. Take it one day at a time, thats all we can do, and have faith in God. He does answer prayers! I think all of us here get a little crazy sometimes, and thats ok. We are only human. God bless and comfort you. (I know I'm crazy, but I have the right!) Tess Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fay A. Posted March 25, 2004 Share Posted March 25, 2004 Andrea, After what you -as the daughter of a woman who is living with Lung Cancer- have been dealing with I would have to say that you have a multitude of reasons to cry. Take your pick of them...they're all valid. You sound like a perfectly sane and rational person to me. Just wish I could say something that would help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrea Posted March 25, 2004 Author Share Posted March 25, 2004 Thanks everyone! So for the first time ever I can say my mental status is normal Hahahahahaha. Wierd thing is that I always had an abnormal fear of cancer, and I never knew why and still don't know why. I never experienced it, yet I was afraid. After my mom got diagnosed, my close friend who is a doctor said "your worst fear has occurred, so now you can stop worrying what will happen if cancer hits your family" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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