The Steeple Chase (and a TRUE STORY footnote)

[gerbil runner]

A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse's trainer meets him before the race and says, ''All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, 'ALLLLEEE OOOP!' really loudly in the horse's ear. Providing you do that, you'll be fine.''

The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command. The race begins and they approach the first hurdle. The jockey ignores the trainer's ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

They carry on and approach the second hurdle. The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers 'Aleeee ooop' in the horse's ear. The same thing happens--the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, ''It's no good, I'll have to do it,'' and yells, ''ALLLEEE OOOP!'' really loudly. Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems. This continues for the rest of the race, but due to the earlier problems the horse only finishes third.

The trainer is fuming and asks the jockey what went wrong. The jockey replies, ''Nothing is wrong with me--it's this bloody horse. What is he--deaf or something?''

The trainer replies, ''Deaf?? DEAF?? He's not deaf--he's BLIND!''

Here's the footnote - true, I swear.

In college, I rode horses (english style, including jumping up to 3 foot fences). One of my best friends, Kerry, was legally blind. She had partial vision in one eye, and the other eye was a prosthesis.

Now, you have to understand, horses eyes are so far apart on their heads that their depth perception leaves a LOT to be desired. The rider makes most of the decision on when the horse takes off for a jump for that very reason. Kerry, having only one functional eye, had very little depth perception. Riding in college competition means getting on unfamiliar horses for competition, and jumping with very little warm-up time, so it wasn't like the horse was trained to "help". Kerry was an excellent rider.

So I asked her; "Kerry, since you have almost no depth perception, and the horse doesn't either, how do you do it?"

"Beats me. I usually close my eyes when I'm going over the fence".