Help with my son

[Guest blynch]

We just buried my father two weeks ago today, and beyond being in my own agonizing pain, I fear my son is also. My son will be two years old in May. When my father passed, we told him Pop-pop had to go bye-bye. He is in Heaven, and he could wave to him up in the sky. Well, Ryan (my son) thought that was cute for a while. He would race to the window and say, "Hi Pop-pop!" After a while, though, he became irritated that Pop-pop didn't come back. Since then, he has cried unconsoleably when my husband or I leave the room. Today, when I left him at day care, he said "Mommy bye-bye Pop-pop." This confirmed by suspicion that he is afraid that Mommy or Daddy will leave him too. Does anyone have any suggestions or resources to use that could help me comfort and explain this difficult time to my most precious two year old son who misses his Pop-pop?

[Guest Laura]

You might try your book store or library. There are some great books out there to read to children about death. They do a really good job at explaining death on a young childs level.

[Guest peggyd]

That's really a tough one. Mike and I had six grandchildren, ranging in age from 7 months to 6 years. They all took grampa's passing differently, some very quiet and upset, others accepting and saying goodbye. One literally talks out loud to him. She is four and a half. One morning, she turned and said, "Oh, hi grampa!" When my son went over to her to sit by her, she told him to get up, he was crushing grampa! Does she really see him? They say little ones are more apt to see spirits.

I have noticed that there are some books out there that might help your little one understand all of this a little better. It must be scary to be that small and wonder if everyone will be leaving him. The books might help you to talk about it with him and maybe ease his fears.

Hope this helps. We need all the help we can get.

[john]

I would find a social worker or psychologist that specializes in young children and death. They could help you also in ways to talk with your child. A lot of insurance covers this. Also organizations like Hospice and others have grief counseling.

Take care

[KC]

I was just going to post the same question about my daughter who will be 3 in July. She and I lived with Grandpa for the past year, so he was like her father (her father ins't in her life by his choice). We buried my father last week and I explained to her that Grandpa was in heaven and that he had no more boo boos and that if she listens she will always here him and he is always in her heart and watching over her. I have been telling her that when she looks at the stars that's where Grandpa is. Today she saw a video with Grandpa in it from Halloween at Grandma's house. When we came home tonight, she ran in the house looking for him. She said I have to show Grandpa my shoes. I tried to explain again to her where he was, but she ran to his bedroom and looked for him in there, then she said "Nope". Then she ran to the den and looked for him. My heart was breaking for her. She keeps asking where he went and where he is. Then she says, I want to see. This has been going on for about 2 hours already. She looked like she wanted to cry, but didn't. Then she said Grandpa went bye bye and she wanted to look in his car in the garage. How do I make her understand that he is always with her but she can't see him and he won't be coming back? He was her best friend and her biggest fan. I feel so bad for her. I guess watching the video of him made him "alive" once more and she remembered all the fun. I guess I should find a pyschologist, I really don't want to put her through that, so I'm trying on my own to explain. Maybe I should ask her pediatrician.

[gail]

My son was 2 1/2 when his grandfater died from lung cancer. He would be fine for a while, then something would come up. I remember one night he was crying in bed because he didn't have anything from Pop-pop. I showed him several things, and kept them out in view. There are books written now-I know Marie Shriver wrote one for her kids when Rose Kennedy died.

And I told my son that his Pop-pop was in heaven with my pop-pop, and that they were both watching us. I finally had the minister talk to him about heaven.

I do know a child grief counselor. She has the kids make memory books of the loved one. You may want to contact the local hospice for their input.

I am sure it is very painful for you.

gail

[Guest blynch]

I do know someone else who did a memory book, too. I plan on doing that when my mind is a bit clearer. I, too, am hesitant to use a counselor, only because my son really wants to be surrounded by familiar faces right now. I will check out some books and post anyo f my findings to help everyone else going through the same thing.

Thank you for all your help!

Bridget