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Stupid Humor


J.C.

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1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING sex?

(because they are plugged into a genius)

2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING sex?

(they don't have enough time)

3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?

(they don't stop to ask directions)

4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?

(because their balls fall over their butts and they vapor lock)

5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?

(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktail parties)

6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?

(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

7. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?

(because a vibrator can't now the lawn)

J.C.

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DAMN! They've GOT to make a vibrator that mows the lawn!

Oh, oh, oh, I've got a funny!!

My mother doesn't really care for dirty jokes, she just doesn't. I LOVE 'em, tellin' 'em, hearin' 'em, livin' 'em...but ANYHOW...

We were driving down a country road and there's a house with a sheep in the backyard... Question was if it was a pet - my answer was "No, that's his prom date!"

So, my mother punched me in the arm...and then laughed...punched me again, told me I'm a "sh*thead" and laughed some more... Sure was good to hear her laugh, she hasn't been doing a lot of that lately..

I think I'd buy a vibrator that mowed the lawn...or push my spouse to get a "girlfriend" that grazed... Mowing just takes my breath away now!

I know, I know, TMI (Too Much Information)...

Back to the grindstone...

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contrary to your mother, mine loved jokes, but could not

tell them, she always got the punch lines mixed up.

Anyway, she tried to teach French to Mike (Irish) one winter

day she told him, ''C'est froid pour les gosses''

(it is cold for the balls) but she told him it meant it is very cold.

Mike was manager for a music store and an old VIP lady comes

in during the storm and Mike as a good student told her.

''C'est froid pour les gosses''

She left the store very fast.

after he always asked me the translation before using any more

of my mother French lessons.

They were the best of friends.

J.C.

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We have a dear friend who LOVE'S to tell jokes. One MAJOR problem though, everytime he starts to tell the joke, he starts LAUGHING right in the middle of it, and can't stop....... Then his wife pops in and finishes the joke after two minutes of him laughing. Drives me NUTS but I have to admit, I start laughing right along with him. :roll:

I also have an 80 year old Uncle who can sit and tell jokes one right after the other for hours on end and NEVER tell the same joke twice.

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My dad always sang the song..."OH! I've got a whale of a tale to tell ya..."

do a little foot shuffle dance and he never would finish the song...it was so funny...sometimes he'd go alittle further but it was always bits and pieces of the song.

He sang this song my whole life and everytime I'd ask- Daddy, how does the song go? He'd say "I'll tell ya when you get older"

So I automatically assumed it was a dirty song from when he was in the navy.

I don't know why, but it was just last week that I looked that song up on the internet- after 30 years of not knowing- and Damn if that song wasn't the least bit dirty (maybe suggestive) but no bad words or inference!!!!!

So I have deducted that Dad had the last laugh on that one.

I do believe that he just couldn't remember the words and rather than admit it- he told me to wait until I was older!

(very funny dad)

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