Lots happened since dx

[Guest JamieC777]

Well I just checked back in on this board and saw and felt amazing support. Thank you all for that. My mom's oncologist had her do an MRI and there are tumors on both sides of her brain which exlplains her headaches. They are going to do radiation on her brain and her chest at the same time first. I guess they will try to shrink the tumors before the chemo begins. She has already gone and gone thru one week of radiation. She is handling it well. I on the other hand seem to be the one out of everyone who is not handling this well at all. I am still just heartbroken and cannot get beyond this feeling of absolute grief. I almost cannot stand to be by her because it hurts my insides so bad. That is ridiculous, I know. I should enjoy and cherish each moment I get with her but I cant seem to heal. Everyone else is taking the "we are gonna beat it" attitiude and I just cant seem to jump up there with them. I have this overwhelming feeling that my mom is going to die soon, very soon. I am bawling even writing it. I cant work, cant clean my house, I cant seem to just live here. Any thoughts, books, suggestions etc.... as to how I can get past this gloomy spot? Thanks for the ears!

[Snowflake]

Jamie,

Talk to your doctor, your GP (general practitioner). Your doctor will know if you are at a point where you need medical intervention (anti-depressant/anti-anxiety) or will suggest counseling - or both. NO ONE can get through this alone, either side of the fence. If you are having a really hard time dealing with this and getting on with life, I STRONGLY urge you to seek help.

I have both at the recommendation of my physician, drug and talk therapy. It's not failure to ask for help, but it IS ridiculous to live life in the shadow of the Big Bad when there ARE alternatives for you. Check with your doctor, see what course of action is suggested for you...

Take care,

Becky

[S. Jane]

I'm glad you're feeling the support here. I do too. The best way I can help you get past your gloomy spot is to relate to you how I have dealt with this. Maybe you can use some of it. ------- My Dad also received radiation before the chemo. SCLC is so aggressive and often mets to the brain, from what I've learned. The radiation is cumulative, so eventually he had a hard time swallowing and we were very careful of what we made him to eat.---------- I remember first learning that he had this, I sobbed like my insides were coming out of me. My children (4) had been nearby and just came up and held me as I rocked in anguish. They didn't say anything. The initial shock was awful, and I still sob when I'm in the car alone (about the only time I'm alone...). I have prayed more than ever before.---------- Though I believe my Dad will have a reprieve before it recurs, we have discussed in a incredibly frank way of his wishes in the future when it returns. I think that has given him comfort.--------- We do, as your family does, have a "We're going to beat it" attitude, but with doses of things we need to discuss, things he wants to share. It comes at unexpected times, and I just hear what he says and respond honestly. He needs to do this. ---------- In the beginning, I felt frozen like you. Nothing really mattered - how mundane - chores and anything else having to do with everyday life. Then Dad needed some information. He didn't research anything. So, to make myself useful, I started looking into it. Now, when he asks me about something, I get right on the computer and come up with whatever I can. I share it with him when he is ready to hear it. The knowledge has really helped us all.------------- My brothers (I have three) are handling it differently. Everyone has their own grief "map" their own way of dealing with this, and some may react morbidly, others upbeat never-say-die attitude, others cry uncontrollably. My Dad has accepted all of our reactions (he's a neat guy!)--------- Other things I do for him is cook meals, or do chores.--------- When he has had a side effect (like constipation - which in his mind was the absolute worse thing that happened to him - not to be underestimated) I would research on how to make it better/easier.--------- I call all the time, just to say hi, then let the conversation go where it will.------------- So I guess sometimes throwing yourself into action worked for me. ------------- I found this group because Dad needed to know of others that had this, he felt so alone. I have looked for support as you have and have leaned on this group. -------- Personally, I'm interested in geneology. One thing we did with my father in law is ask questions about his life and tape it. He loved remembering things, and we loved the stories. This is something I want to do with my Dad, when and if he is ready. When I bought my Aunt (who had SCLC) a book for documenting her life, she wasn't interested in doing something like that. So, each person wants/needs different things. Perhaps you can figure out what your Mom would want.------------ I'm beginning to read "Final Gifts" which I have had recommended to me as a good book. -----------There is a great sadness inside of me, but right now it is channeled into doing positive things to help in any way I can. In the future, I would put myself in counseling, consider anti depressants if I can't handle all this.--------------- I know I still have time with Dad, and I'm cherishing what I have, and not putting a time limit on it because of the stats I've read. That can be way too overwhelming.

I hope some of this helps you.

Jane

[MO_Sugar]

Jamie,

I agree with the advice given so far. Talk to your Dr. or find a therapist that can help you over the hump. Life is to short to waste on premature sorrow! You need to be able to get past that and on to enjoying the time you have! Yes it is hard, yes it takes work BUT you will have so many wonderful memories to carry you through that it will all be worth it. LIVE the life you have and spend this time helping your Mom to LIVE her life!

A positive attitude on your part will go a long way to help your Mother develop a positive attitude!

Prayers for strength and healing are being sent your way.

God Bless,

MO

[kimblanchard]

Hi Jamie,

I totally understand where you are. The days, and weeks after my mother's diagnosis I couldn't function. I literally went thru a mourning as if she was gone. I imagined all the worst possible scenarios. Don't know when I "came to". Lots of support here, friends, seeing my mother worry about getting her tax return done, seeing her make a grocery list, doing the everyday things. She actually is a big of my ability to cope. She is living with cancer, not dying with it. This will never be easy, there are terrible days and days to celebrate just because. I am learning from my mom to live in the moment. I'd never wish this experience on anyone, but I wouldn't trade a single day that I have with my mom now for anything!

Hope you find your way and seek out help, whatever will bring you some peace.

[gerbil runner]

The shock of this horrid disease is big. Facing the fact that your mom has a life-threatening illness is very difficult. It brings mortality too close to reality, when we usually keep it as a very fuzzy concept.

Learning more about the disease and treatment may help you feel better. And I second/third the idea of talking to your dr. to see if medicaton may help.