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I Cannot Believe This.....


Fay A.

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I went to the Opthamologist today to have the stitches removed from my eyelid where the tumor was removed.

I asked if he saw anything that looked on the surface to be malignant, and he told me no. I then asked if he had sent the tumor off to pathology for evaluation and he told me that he forgot to do it, and by the time he remembered it was too late. He then said "...and it doesn't really matter because you have Lung Cancer."

I told him that actually it DOES matter, in part because I am pursuing participation in clinical trials....and his response was "...then we'll just say it was a cyst." Which is wasn't. He said if it comes back he'll remove it and send it off to pathology for sure.

So I am sitting here stunned. I was by myself for both the removal of the tumor (and there was much discussion on the doc's part during removal of the tumor on how hard it was and how difficult to remove, because of it's location), and for todays followup.

And so what has happened becomes a question of credibility-his Vs mine.

Those words just keep ringing in my ears..... "...and it doesn't really matter because you have Lung Cancer." Well, it bloody well DOES matter. An eye met is a big deal....a new giant cell tumor is a big deal. Not knowing now exactly WHAT it was is a big deal.

It might not be tearing me up so much if this Physician were some kind of jerk...but he really isn't. He's a very kind, compassionate, decent human being....who has the wrong idea about Lung Cancer and the wrong idea about ME. He should know better. So how best to let him know this?

I swear, I believe that it is THIS kind of ignorance that kills more of us than just about anything else.....the decision that things aren't important because, after all, we have Lung Cancer.

I can't stop crying.

I am so tired of dealing with things like this. Every time I turn around it is something else like this...

I can't stop crying.

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Oh Fay,

I'm sorry, your doctor had no right, I cant believe the ignorance of some people especially a medical "professional." What was he thinking, there is no excuse for his lack of compassion and incompetence even though you said he is compassionate. You go ahead and cry, you deserve a good cry..I hope you are okay, you really dont need this right now..XO

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Fay,

Can hardly understand that a compasionate doctor would

still believe that all is permitted because you have lung

cancer..........

How about asking him for a copy of your file ? for your own

satisfaction (only a wee part) and start from there.

Just get your cry, but watch for the eye.

Just hope you will feel better soon, forgive but not forget.

J.C.

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Guest Billie

What a Jerk !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Even if he is normally kind and compassionate, that kind of comment from a doctor ( or anyone ) is so rude. Buck Up, Fay! We all know that we do have a good chance of survival regardless of the perception of others. We're fighting with all our might and we sure don't need jerks like that trying to rain on our parades. Go ahead and cry and get it out and then when you finish, get mad, real mad. Move forward with strength and determination and kick this LUNG CANCER sh-t in the a-s.

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Fay,

Maybe what this sweet but dumb guy meant by "...and it doesn't really matter because you have Lung Cancer" was that anything else would be secondary. I don't think it was a malicious backhanded comment that you were "terminal", just misunderstanding on his part that there IS a difference between a benign cyst, a secondary tumor and a second primary - after all, he's NOT an oncologist...

...and I'm going to play Nancy Drew and give you a jingle. Sounds like you could use a real voice and not just the tap-tap-tapping of a typed out reply.

Love ya, Girl!

Becky

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Fay,

I cannot believe how a doctor could possible say something like that---unbelievable!! Just chalk this up as the worst bedside manner possible! I am so angry about this .....that I am typing 100 words a minute. I hope you are feeling better now....

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I do think his remark will come back to haunt him someday . . .

Like the time I asked a collegue when she was going to have kids. it didn't occur to me that maybe she had been trying and trying, and nothing was working. Then when I tried for baby #2, and nothing ever happened, and I never got pregnant again . . .

I'm sending you a rain soaked jersey hug. And some doggy kisses from my pooch.

We love you

gail

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Fay,

Outrageous! Right, you have lung cancer, so you have more than enough to deal with...so why throw in doctor incompetence and insensitivity. I would be frustrated to tears! I hope you feel calmed soon...stress aggravates everything. There is nothing I can think of to correct the wrong that was done...and I'm so sorry it had to happen.

Take care,

Margaret

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At worst this is a case of malpractice, at best it is the case of an idiot that made it through opthamology school. In either case I would suggest calling the state board (every state has one) and reporting him. When dealing with cancer of any type you don't "forget" to send a tumor for a pathology report???

My prayers and good wishes are with you (((((Faye))))).

God Bless,

MO

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Fay,

I can understand your frustration, I am so sorry you have had this added trial. It is so hard to deal with all this when every thing is done right, but it is h#ll when you have to deal with incompetency on top of every thing else! ((((Fay)))) hugs for you, hang in there dear better days will be coming soon.

Blessings

Betty

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I am simply sick to my stomach over what happened to you.

SOmetimes when we hear something like that we are STUNNED and unable to say anything..then after we are home and upset there are things we wish we would have said to that offending party.

You should confront this doctor. Maybe he is very dedicated and compassionate, but just ignorant about LC. Tell him how his words made you feel and what would he do if it were his WIFE or MOM fighting for her life- would he brush aside these major medical concerns because "heck, they've got LC, what does it matter?" that is RUBBISH, and he would fight for those he loved. Tell him you expect the same- and that as long as you are fighting you need someone in your corner that is going to fight too.

I'm so sorry this happened and that you are so upset. WIsh I lived closer- I'd take you for a meal, make funny faces at you until you laughed so hard your soda came out your nose and then take you back home to where Sven would be waiting to give you an anti-stress massage and afterwards you take a soak in a lavendar bath so that you could finally get some sleep.

(((FAY))) You deserve much better...

we love you,

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Fay,

I wasn't going to post because I too, am at a loss of words...

I understand your tears, your frustration, your anger... I think if nothing else with this board, we have proved that ignorance isn't necessarily bliss.

Its a shame that so many people, including doctors out there are so ignorant, despite the fact that they are decent people...

You will rally round Fay and be back to kicking butt in no time....

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NAUGHTY DOCTOR: :shock::shock::shock::?:?:evil::evil::evil::evil::evil::evil::twisted:

MY FRIEND FAY: :cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry:

This IS ENOUGH! GOD PLEASE HELP OUR FAY! PLEASE HEAR MY PRAYER! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, Etc................

Oh Fay, I'm in tears with you. All I can do is shake my head and say, enough is enough! SOMEONE FIX HER!!! SOMEONE HELP HER!!!

If love could cure you, you would have been cured ages ago my friend!

Please know how sorry I feel you have to go through this crud. I'm sad and angry!

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((FAY))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

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Fay,

I just thought of something I would like to say. Katie is right, he should be confronted, but I think in this case, a letter would be better. The reason I say that is because he needs to know how much he hurt you, how much you cried and that even though he probably didn't intend it the way it came out, the way it was heard was devastating. You are an excellent writer, but, this time, since it's about you personally, you might want to get someone that you know well and trust their opinion to read your draft and offer suggestions before you send it. You could also give him this website address if you wanted.

I just think the words on paper will keep you from saying something you might regret and also that he will probably keep the letter at least for a while and perhaps read it again and again. I work in an environment where dealing with adversarial stuff is our business, and it's always much better said in a letter than face-to-face, plus it's easier because it avoids both sides getting defensive when they are face-to-face, and as I'm sure you know - that usually goes nowhere but bad. I don't know - just my two cents.

Much love and prayers coming to you,

Peggy

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Fay,

He made me feel like "oh you have lung cancer YOU DON"T MATTER BECAUSE YOU HAVE A DEATH SENTENCE ANYWAY!" Why... I could punch his lights out! Just give me the word and I'l call up Becky and Ry- I'm a weeny :lol: I always befriended the toughest kids in school, then pumped them up to fight for me! Ha! I never got in trouble that way, but hey I will make a exception for you! Sending you cyber hugs and wiping away your tears.

Love,

Cheryl

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Fay,

I don't care how wonderful this dr. usually is, I feel that his words and lack of action if not legally criminal are ethically criminal.

If you do nothing else, print out the responses here and send them to him. Until we no longer breath, we should ALL be treated to best medical care available. To not send a growth of any kind to pathology is wrong, no matter what else is going on with the patient.

I think you need to let this dr. know Fay. And I am praying big time for your miracle.

Ginny

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Dear Fay,

I am so sorry for the insensitivity you suffered. Regarless of the doctor's intentions, that was a terrible and insensitive comment. Shame on him! I forgive a lot of verbal insensitivity if a doc is a fabulous technician (can't always get bedside manner and great technical skill in a doc) but this guy flunked on both counts!

And when you ask questions such as, " You're sending this out for pathology, right?" to insure proper procedure, they look at you like you have 3 heads....geezzz.

I'm so sorry you had to go through this, it was so unnecessary. Sending you a big hug and squeeze.

Soccermom

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