Jump to content

*R Rated* Very much R Rated-may offend...


Recommended Posts

As a mother passed her daughter's closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter giving herself a real workout with a vibrator.

Shocked, she asked, "What in the world are you doing?"

The daughter replied, "Mom, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone."

The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room, he observed his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator. When he questioned her as to what she was doing, the daughter said, "Dad, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone."

A couple days later, the wife came home from a shopping trip, placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that now familiar buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the family room. She cautiously entered that area and observed her husband sitting on the couch, staring at the TV with the vibrator next to him buzzing like crazy. The wife shrieked, "What the hell are you doing?"

The husband replied, "I'm watching the ball game with my son-in-law."


There were two guys who decided to spend their evening at the bar rating women. When the first gal walked in they both agreed that she was sorta plain, a 6 at the most.

An old drunk at the end of the bar overheard them and said, "Thassa 1/2."

They ignored him and went on with their play. The next gal in was pretty cute so they rated her an 8.

The old drunk looked around and said, "Thassa 1."

The two instigators ignored him again and the game went on. Then it happened that a real fox walked into the bar. That's a 10 goin' on 15 they both agreed.

The old drunk shot her a glance and said, "Thassa 3!"

The beautiful young thing overheard him and felt rather insulted, so she decided to ask him what the hell kind of rating system he was using anyway. "I know I'm better than a 3!" she protested.

He said, "Lady, I use the Budweiser rating system."

"What's that?" she asked.

"That's how many Clydesdales it'd take to pull you offa my face!"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use. We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.