DeanCarl Posted May 6, 2004 Share Posted May 6, 2004 For those who were asking. I'm still here. I got to a point where I just didn't want to post. Turned out to be mental and physical fatigue. Had to take some time off. Now the Mother in Law is in town for a few days and THAT is stressfull as he**. (here's a hint: When she saw me in my scooter for the first time her reaction was, "Isn't that cute!".) Absolute denial of my disease really means for me or what I and her daughter are going through. I did not reply to any of her inappropriate and ignorant comments yesterday, but told Gay all bets were off for today. One more "I can imagine" or other patornizing statement and I'm gonna blow sky high. The woman cares for nothing and nobody other than herself. When Gay almost died a couple of years ago from an accidental lithium overdose her mom treated it like it was a cold or something. Never called to find out how she was doing, hardly wanted to talk about it when I called HER to let her know what was going on. Was then, and is now, more concerned with where she's going to go on her next vacation than the fact her daughter will probably have to learn to live on her own again fairly soon and needs all the support she can get. Well, she (the MIL) will be flying out Sunday morning. Back to Illinois and, as far as I'm concerned, she can STAY there from now on. I'll start posting more when all this cr** is over. Dean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shelliemacs Posted May 6, 2004 Share Posted May 6, 2004 Dean, Glad to see your still here. I can send you out my M/I/L's broom if you want to send her back faster. She's got a new one she needs to break in anyway. your a better person than I am for not opening a can of whoop a** on her. My M/I/L refers to me as "the wife" not shelly or her daughter in law or anything even cordial just "the wife" even christmas cards are addressed to "bill Mcanamara and the wife" her sons name and me. if I could life my house I'd drop it on her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David A Posted May 6, 2004 Share Posted May 6, 2004 Dean, when I first sobered up 21 years ago, one of my 1st sponsors bout me a coffee mug that satetddon't let the bastards wear you down' I'm assuming it can be used on the female version of b*stard too. Good luck. David A Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted May 6, 2004 Share Posted May 6, 2004 Oh man, Dean can we ever talk. I did real well at biting my tongue with my mother in law for years and years. When John was diagnosed her behavior was so incredibly cruel and outragious that I blew, and I do mean blew sky high. I screamed at her so loud I think half the neighborhood heard. Felt amazingly good to get it all out, and scared the hell out of her. I should have done it years ago because she walks on eggshells now (she probably thinks I'm mentally unbalanced ). I grew up with parents while not perfect, loved me and put me first. It is hard to deal with someone who puts themselves before their children. I wish you luck in getting through the days till she hits the plane. Rochelle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann Posted May 6, 2004 Share Posted May 6, 2004 Dean, I can surely sympathize. Since Dennis's death my in-laws don't speak to me at all. They still blame me for allowing the oncologists to do a biopsy to determine if Dennis's cancer was small cell or non-small cell. Dennis and I both explained it to them a million times. We told them the treatment for the two kinds of cancer is much different and the doctor needed to know what he was dealing with. Dennis made the decision on his own to have the biopsy. Then, his Dad came to my work and pleaded with me to change Dennis's mind. When I didn't, the in-laws got very angry with me. They tried to be civil during his illness but after his death they completely stopped speaking to me. Dennis died on December 15th and in an attempt to have some type of holiday dinner and bring my family together, I got my wits together and cooked dinner for the entire family on Christmas. Can you believe that in the middle of dinner my father-in-law made the announcement that he held me responsible for Dennis's death, as I hadn't talked him out of the biopsy. What a blow!!! That was the last communication I have had with either of the in-laws!!! He also went further by saying that "once the air got to the cancer it spread!" I even had our oncologist write him a letter explaining the necessity of the test. But...now...after all I've been through...who gives a damn anyway!!! Glad to see we still share similar views on things!!! So good to hear from you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann Posted May 6, 2004 Share Posted May 6, 2004 Dean, I can surely sympathize. Since Dennis's death my in-laws don't speak to me at all. They still blame me for allowing the oncologists to do a biopsy to determine if Dennis's cancer was small cell or non-small cell. Dennis and I both explained it to them a million times. We told them the treatment for the two kinds of cancer is much different and the doctor needed to know what he was dealing with. Dennis made the decision on his own to have the biopsy. Then, his Dad came to my work and pleaded with me to change Dennis's mind. When I didn't, the in-laws got very angry with me. They tried to be civil during his illness but after his death they completely stopped speaking to me. Dennis died on December 15th and in an attempt to have some type of holiday dinner and bring my family together, I got my wits together and cooked dinner for the entire family on Christmas. Can you believe that in the middle of dinner my father-in-law made the announcement that he held me responsible for Dennis's death, as I hadn't talked him out of the biopsy. What a blow!!! That was the last communication I have had with either of the in-laws!!! He also went further by saying that "once the air got to the cancer it spread!" I even had our oncologist write him a letter explaining the necessity of the test. But...now...after all I've been through...who gives a damn anyway!!! Glad to see we still share similar views on things!!! So good to hear from you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted May 6, 2004 Share Posted May 6, 2004 Ok I give. Ann you win the worst in-law award. How horrible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ginnyde Posted May 6, 2004 Share Posted May 6, 2004 Mother-in-laws. Thank God, mine lives in Fla. Just a few notes: She has 5 children and never attended one, not one, of their weddings. She tries very hard to turn one sibling against another. She is a roaring alcoholic. She has only called her son 3 times, yep a whopping 3 times, since his dx almost 20 months ago. She has been to visit us one time in 25 years. I don't want to win this contest. I wish I had a loving, caring MIL to walk with us on this journey. Ginny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted May 6, 2004 Share Posted May 6, 2004 Good to hear from you, Dean, and kno wyou are there. You said your MIL was flying out -- which broom is she taking? LOL. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.C. Posted May 6, 2004 Share Posted May 6, 2004 Dean, All I can say. is a joke. I told my MIL, ''my house is your house,'' and she turned around, sold it and left with the money............ Mike always loved my mother and vice versa and we lived in peace and joy with her from 1962 till she died 1975. J.C. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MO_Sugar Posted May 6, 2004 Share Posted May 6, 2004 Dean, Glad to see you posting but sorry you have to deal with a MIL like that. When my son married I gave my new DIL a card that said no matter what, I will NEVER be a MIL from he** and if I EVER start acting like one, tell me! She started to cry, lol. We have a great relationship and I am so thankful she will be there for my son when the time comes. My ex-MIL however was a case from He**. They were staying with us one time and I was making breakfast. I buttered a piece of toast from the toaster and handed it to her, she burst in to tears and RAN out of the room and outside saying we were all trying to kill her (with butter?????). They have had nothing to do with me since the divorce (I was only part of their family for 25 years) and I can't say that is a bad thing. Pisses me off that they have very little to do with my kids but that is another thread! God Bless you Dean and I am praying for a little extra strength for you over the next few days!! MO Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhutch1366 Posted May 6, 2004 Share Posted May 6, 2004 God, Please give Dean strength not to throttle the MIL...... whether she deserves it or not. Amen. XOXOX Prayers... MaryAnn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharyn Posted May 6, 2004 Share Posted May 6, 2004 Dean, Sorry to hear about your MIL issues... I had a WICKED first mother in law... but when I married for the second time - my mother in law was also my best friend. She passed away two years ago and I still miss her terribly.. So I have been on both sides of that fence... Hope you are feeling well. Love, Sharon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melinda Posted May 6, 2004 Share Posted May 6, 2004 Dean-- Glad to hear from you but understand completely why you had to take a "break" from the board--as wonderful a place as it is. As for your MIL (and the subsequent posts on this string) all I can say is ?!?!?!?!?!?!?. There are times when it is REALLY hard to understand people and their actions (or lack thereof). Geeezzz. How is Gay holding up? I hope she has a good support network other than her biological family. Sleep in Sunday morning if you can--I bet it'll feel great to be free again. Melinda Just a question--do any of theses MILs work for/are affiliated with/advise Fay's messed up cancer care center/insurance company? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted May 6, 2004 Share Posted May 6, 2004 Oh, Dean! Don't stand too close to Gay's mother, a HOUSE may be on the way and it might take YOU and your "little scoot, too" out! "How cute?!" (I'm sorry, once a male reaches five it's not "cool" for a mom-type person to call them "cute" in public OR at home...geesh!) When the MIL goes back to fiddlin' around, I hope Gay's good humor returns quickly (nothing like a refresher course in WHY you "left home" when you are weak and feeling maybe you want to have a relationship...). I know, it's rough for you to not 'bat the bag' - don't exert your physical energy... OH YEAH, and remember, you live in California with laws about smoking in public - MAKE SURE YOU DON'T STRIKE THE MATCH in one of those no smoking areas! Wouldn't want you to get fined for a public service... Take care, Dean...I feel for you, believe me. My first MIL was HORRIBLE and ALWAYS in my business. Second MIL? She's pretty quiet, so's my FIL - they were deceased before I even met Mark...sad, in a way, but the steps make up for any MIL stress there may have been... xxoo, Becky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeanCarl Posted May 6, 2004 Author Share Posted May 6, 2004 Thanks all. I've almost made it through day 2 without pulling out my handy dandy baseball bat. Another example of what this woman is like. She's staying at a motel about a mile or so from where we live. She walked to the motel from our place yesterday evening. Gay asked her to give us a call when she got there. She acted like she didn't even here Gay. Didn't call either so we called her. Today we found out that she didn't call because it would have added 50 cents to her bill to let us know she got "home" safe and sound! She offered to take us out to diner at a fairly expencive resturaunt. Gay asked if she would buy us one of those prepaid cellualar phones instead (for about the same price). She (MIL) agreed. But then when we went to get the phone (at Wall Mart) she tried to tell us what phone to get, that we didn't need the extra minutes we wanted to buy (and DID buy) and then tried to get the check out clerk to agree with her about those extra minutes and argue with Gay about it. (I was outside already). I will make it through the next couple of days ... I think. Dean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KC Posted May 7, 2004 Share Posted May 7, 2004 DeanCarl, All I could think about when I read your post was the Honeymooner's episode where Ralph went nuts on Alice's mother and tried to make a recording with an apology and ended up screaming, "She's a blabber mouth.....a blabbbbbber mouth!" Remember that one? LOL. Also, sorry you have the MIL from HeDoubleHockeySticks. Try and stay sane. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TBone Posted May 7, 2004 Share Posted May 7, 2004 So glad to hear from you Dean.But so sorry you are having such trouble with MIL.At least it takes your mind off cancer for a while.Strange thing for me is that I never got along with my MIL but she has been incredible since my diagnosis.We have gotten close and I never thought we would.A lot the problems we had was due to my alcoholism I realize now.I am so glad to be rid of that.Praying for us all.TBone Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remembering Dave Posted May 7, 2004 Share Posted May 7, 2004 Ok, Dean, I hope it's OK, but I laughed out loud when I read your post! Goodness! The funny thing about people like that, they are usually pretty shallow in every area including their lack of faith. That is pretty sad. I hope you're surviving OK. I have to say that I felt like I always had a rather strained relationship with my MIL until Dave's diagnoses. Then I asked them to come stay with us while he was in treatment, and they stayed for six months. I don't think I ever wanted to take a baseball bat to her and we ended up better friends because of it. But I'm lucky I guess. Hang in there, good buddy! Karen C. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamie Posted May 7, 2004 Share Posted May 7, 2004 Dean Good luck you sound like you will need it!!! PS My MIL is CRAZY too.... Just laugh... Jamie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
norme Posted May 7, 2004 Share Posted May 7, 2004 Oh my goodness Dean, I am a mother-in-law........ What can I say......nothing...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stand4hope Posted May 8, 2004 Share Posted May 8, 2004 Hi Dean, Sorry I'm late with my post. I'm glad you're doing ok, but sorry you are having to go through a few rough days at home with the MIL. My MIL was just great, so I can't give a "war story". Darn! God bless you, Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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