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Cryptic CT Scan results-vent


Melinda

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Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers.

I need to vent a little, in order to let this "go"--my apologies, in advance.

Geoff came home last night with very cryptic information as far as the CT Scan results are concerned.

Side note that has nothing to do with Geoff's mom's doctors (I hope): I am the type of person who DOES NOT LIKE cryptic answers--I will keep asking questions (Why? What do you mean, specifically? Could you please put that in layman's terms? If I understand you correctly, what you are telling me is .... And why would that be? What are the implications of that?) I respect a doctor who admits that he simply does not know "why" yet--but I hate it when they try to avoid answering my questions using medical "smoke and mirrors".

I dislike doctors who think there is no point in trying to explain anything to me simply because I don't have an MD (yet they will happily talk to other MDs whose specialties are so far removed from theirs that they might as well be in different professions!)--I always want to point out to them that I could have chosen to go to medical school, but I'm not a complete idiot simply because I did not select that path in life. The little voice inside my head says, "I am not illiterate nor am I completely lacking in analytical or deductive reasoning, so please help me understand--or at least give me something to read that will explain this to me if you won't or can't. Thank you! :) "

I am a teacher--it is my JOB to find a way to help a whole group of students understand (and become more interested in -- and learn to apply!!) new material. Presenting the material one way will work for some of my kids--then I need to tackle it from another angle to help another group that learns differently, and so on. And I get asked plenty of "but whys?" from my kids--many of which ARE EXTREMELY hard to answer well (but that is my JOB!). The fact they are asking "why?" though, shows that they WANT to fully understand the material/concepts and that they ARE actually learning--not simply becoming well trained seals.

I'm sure some people find me to be a real pain because I want to understand the WHYs. Maybe it is the teacher in me (or the attorney's daughter...). More likely, it is just plain ol' me. :)

Back to Geoff and his mom:

It was clear that Geoff had had a long day and the last thing he needed was for me to cross examine him.

So all I really learned was that the onc. "didn't really learn much from the new CT Scan". She just indicated to Geoff's mom that she was surprized that she looks so good and feels so well considering that she has "so much cancer everwhere". And they restarted chemo (as planned).

To make matters more confusing, the first CT was taken at one hospital with one onc. and this one was taken at another hospital with a different onc. And of course, the oncs don't actually "read" the scans themselves--they read the written reports that are given to them re: the scans. THAT's the info. I want to get my paws on. But it is not only not MY body--it's not even MY mom.

Needless to say--I want to scream, but that will not benefit anyone.

I was not at the doctor's with them, as I am housebound with strep/pneumonia--so I couldn't pull the doctor aside and ask my 1,001 questions. Maybe I would have heard different things than Geoff did. Who knows.

It is just frustrating--and I need to let it "go".

I am just happy that she IS looking good and IS NOT in pain--only some discomfort.

Prayers, please for Geoff and his whole family. Thanks for everything.

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Melinda - I just posted on your other topic... Why don't you call the Onc yourself? Thats what I do if I can't go to the doctors with Daddy and of course he asks NO QUESTIONS so I always have a million I want answered. I don't like that the Onc made that comment about your mother in law "I am surprised you feel so good because you have so much cancer" what a STUPID thing to say to someone. Most doctors (my dad's included) do not like to be questioned by a lay person. I have even had doctors ask me "are you a nurse or a doctor?" I simply say "NO" I am just someone who cares and wants to do and know everything I can. Anyway. I am glad your Mother in law feels good - that is always a positive thing - How did Geoff take the report? Sometimes I think men in general just don't ask questions, because they may be afraid of the answers (sorry guys for generalizing). Just know I am thinking of you and hope you get the answers you are looking for. Love, Sharon

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Unfortunately, you are not yet legally a relative so it may be hard for you to get information unless the mother is present. Try not to put your fiance in the middle of this with your questions. He is going through a lot and does not need the third degree, even though you are trying to help. It was unfortunate you couldn't be with them at the onc visit. Sharon is right -- many men are not good questioners (I don't include myself in that category). Maybe you can prepare your fiance with questions by writing them out and going over them with him, providing he is comfortable with that idea. This is a tough situation to start, but it is complicated by your not being married to the family yet. I wish you all the best, and it is admirable that you want to help your fiance and his mom. They need the support. Don

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Don is correct, under the new HIPAA laws there would need to be a signed release before the doctor could talk to you (you know all those privacy statements you've been signing everywhere lately? That's why). If you think you might want to talk to the doc in the future have his mom sign a release.

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"Try not to put your fiance in the middle of this with your questions. He is going through a lot and does not need the third degree, even though you are trying to help."

Don--I know all too well how true your words are. That's why I "vented" here on the board--so I could just listen to whatever he told me without "cross-examining" him. This board is where I have my "tantrums". My home needs to be a place of respite for him, as much as it can be. He has the weight of the world on his shoulders...

In the beginning, Geoff did ask me what questions to ask the doctors--and we would go over information together and he would write it all down. He is no longer in initial shock mode, though, and knows everything that I do (and more) at this juncture.

I'm not going to try and contact the doctors; that is not my place. She is not my mom. When Geoff and his family want my help--in an analytical, read the pathaology report, crunch the data, kind of way--they will ask for it. We just haven't had time for that with this latest 'round of info.

Geoff and I spoke this afternoon and he plans to sit down and compare the two written reports that the oncs get re: the CT Scan results. We'll go over it line by line together, I'm sure.

It simply makes the waiting period that much longer--which is frustrating for me as I am a data kinda gal. But that's the way the cookie crumbles...

In the interim, I will continue to do other things to try and help.

Thanks for your suggestions, advice, and most of all--your support.

Melinda

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Hi Melinda

I was thinking that maybe the onc said he didn't really learn much from this 2nd CT scan because there hasn't been much change since the last scan? I know this is just speculation, but it's just a thought I had when I read it. I hope you learn more when you read through the report together with Geoff. And remember, we are always here for you to vent to, or whatever else you need. It is alot that you are going through, and waiting for results is always a hard time I feel.

Thinking of you

Jana

xxxxx

PS: Hope the strep has cleared up now.

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My first thought upon reading your post is this - can you come down to my neck of the woods to teach?!?! What I'd give to have someone as dedicated, intelligent, and passionate to be involved in my two girls' learning process. Not only are you one heck of an asset to Geoff's family, you are to the educational community as well.

My second thought upon reading your post is this - that your mother/Geoff/the oncologist/SOMEONE - needs to get ONE radiologist (preferably a darn good one) to read both the earlier scan and the new one. Only then can a true comparison be made. Unfortunately, different radiologists see different things.

Blessings,

TeeTaa

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Guest bean_si (Not Active)

Vent away, Melinda. You need to do this to keep yourself sane. You are part of this family and are suffering too. I think your fiancee is so overwhelmed he simply can't "unload" anymore, even to you. Hang in there, okay?

Take care,

Cat

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I am saying prayers for your family. You obviously are quite competent to understand this mess as you have demonstrated on this board many times. I am sorry your MIL"s doc has no inclination to explain things to you. :roll: I hope and pray that she responds to the chemo. As for your frustration.... vent away! :wink:

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