angelb Posted May 14, 2004 Share Posted May 14, 2004 I alo posted this in reply to my first message. I just want to thank everyone who read my first post for your suggestions and thoughts. Everyone here is so kind and supportive. Well, I did speak with my mom last night about my step dad and his condition, turn out she was fronting for him, he is the one who doesnt want to see anyone yet, but now it looks like we, the family will have to override his wish because the turn of events is gettign very ugly. He was supposed to start chemo yesterday - well after the tests that they ran to determine if he was physically able to get it, it was found that it has also spread to his liver and colon. Therefore, he is unable to get chemo. I don't know what other options there are left or even if the options available would give him any quality of life. I think now it really is just a matter of time. This is just getting worse and worse day by day. Yesterday I went to the bathroom and started to cry for no apparent reason, Well I asked my mom what time it was that they found out the news about his liver/colon and it was the same time they found out - I think I am connected to this in a mental kind of way. I think now it really is just a matter of time. He is still getting around the house well enough, but he is visibly getting slower and slower. He has already lost over 40 pounds and he didnt have much padding to begin with. He is also very irritable from the radiation. He is having real issues with accepting this, and from what I have been told he is not been very forthcoming with his kids. I am looking into and doing the legwork for hospice in their area so my mom doesnt have to. I am afraid to ask her if they have discussed funeral arrangements. They did go to a lawyer and financial advisor so at least the heeded my advise on that. The only advise I gave her last night was the fact that she shoudn't hold anything against him, and not to fight over the small stuff, becuase she would be faced with that guilt later down the line when she will be alone. I dont want to give any other advise, who am I? I am not the one experiencing this and I hope I will never have to experience this forst hand, so I am definalty not qualified to give her any advise. I just want her to follow her heart and get peace one way or another. AT this point I am not sure who I am more worried about him or her. I just want to thank all of you for welcoming me here to just get it out as my beloved husband doesnt know how to handle me at this point. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamie Posted May 14, 2004 Share Posted May 14, 2004 angelb, So sorry that you have to be going through all of this. Stay strong and continue to be there for your family. It is always best to just make yourself available if someone needs you. Hope things turn up for you. Good luck to both you and your family Jamie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MO_Sugar Posted May 14, 2004 Share Posted May 14, 2004 Angel, GET A SECOND OPINION! Just because the cancer is in other parts of the body should not mean they can't do chemo. In fact chemo would be better than radiation in getting to the other areas! I have mets to the liver and lymphs and am getting chemo. Most people who have mets get chemo and they respond pretty well. I think your dad needs to look at geting a better medical team together to help him fight this cause it can be fought! Prayers for strength and healing headed your way! God Bless, MO Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine Posted May 14, 2004 Share Posted May 14, 2004 Angel,, I don't know much, but one thing I do know is that chemo is THE option given when cancer has spead to other sites. Also radiation is often offered. It could be that he turned down chemo; however, if he was not offered chemo, then your father definately needs new doctors. You don't say if he has small cell or non-small cell (there are more than one type on non-small cell)--but there are chemos for both. Pls talk to your mother about this, as soon as possible. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and send positve ones your way. Elaine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted May 14, 2004 Share Posted May 14, 2004 Yes, I second the second opinion idea. Others on here very similar to your dad have had chemo so what is the reason? Check around here and read some profiles and PM some people similar to your dad's diagnosis. I thought your advice to your mom was great also. Hang in there. Rochelle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted May 14, 2004 Share Posted May 14, 2004 Angela, I forgot to go into the need for a second opinion in my PM - there IS a need for that. Ry has a great suggestion, checking for others with some of the same stuff going on. Take care, Becky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margaret Posted May 14, 2004 Share Posted May 14, 2004 Yes, another doctor and another opinion would definitely be in order. Hoping all this works out quickly, Margaret Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angelb Posted May 14, 2004 Author Share Posted May 14, 2004 Sorry, he has NSCLC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angelb Posted May 14, 2004 Author Share Posted May 14, 2004 I DID ask her to get a second opinion. I dont think they have done that yet. As they are in Atlanta and I know that they feel like they have the best care they can get in Atlanta, as far as the NIH is concerned, for Cancer Treatment - Atlanta didnt even make the list. I DID offer them our house so they could go to John Hopkins, which is very close - within an hour drive., AND most of the family is HERE, not there. She said she would think on it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted May 14, 2004 Share Posted May 14, 2004 My prayers are with you all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stand4hope Posted May 14, 2004 Share Posted May 14, 2004 Angel, Please add my prayers to the rest. May God with you and your family as you make all these decisions. God bless you, Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Phyllis Posted May 14, 2004 Share Posted May 14, 2004 I would opt for a second opinion too. My doctors said that as long as you could walk through the door they would try chemo. Some doctors hesitate to put a patient through that if they feel the patient does not have long to live. It should not totally be the doctors' choice. There are a lot of really sick patients in wheelchairs and everything else getting chemo all of the time where I go. However, ultimately, it is his decision and you can only do so much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine Posted May 14, 2004 Share Posted May 14, 2004 Why is is it the Doctor's decision??? I guess I don't understand that. Elaine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angelb Posted May 14, 2004 Author Share Posted May 14, 2004 I am only getting what little my mom shares with me over the phone. I wont have a real assessment until I am able to go to there and see for myself. But I DID plead for her to get another opinion. We all know it is bad, but that doesnt necessairly mean that he cant fight this dragon. Now maybe he has decided not to do anyting about this, and if thats the case then I cant do anything for him, except be there, which I will. I am doing all I can do on my side that makes me feel like I have some purpose, something I have control over, I am doing the research for the hospice, so when the time comes, she wont have to worry about that. I will do as much as I can from my side to ease that pain. I am also looking onto getting her some books on being the caregiver, I think she needs that most of all. I have told her about this board, but she refuses to look, maybe she isnt strong enough, I dont know, so I am here. Just looking around, I can see the hope - its so thick iots hard to believe that sometimes cancer is even there. This is the best places I never wanted to be - does that make sense. For those of you who are fighting this battle, you are so strong - you have no idea how strong you are, and I pray for each and every one of you every day that you beat the dragon down for good, and live your lives to fullest. and for the caregivers, sometimes being in that position is hardest of all becuase if a loved one does lose the battle, you are left to carry on. You are also very strong to fight the battle right alongside your loved one then carry on after the fight is over. I pray for each one of you to find peace and comfort. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamie Posted May 14, 2004 Share Posted May 14, 2004 angelb, Your absolutly right. The best thing you can do is be there. Your presence alone will be a huge comfort to your stepdad and your family..keep talking to them too, maybe it will help... Jamie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TBone Posted May 18, 2004 Share Posted May 18, 2004 Hi, I too am sorry that you are going through all this.The second opinion is necessary and if I were in Atlanta I would check out Emory.It is a great place.Many people from this area go there and are very satisfied.Also Duke University is not too far and it is great as well.Praying for us all.TBone Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fall54 Posted May 18, 2004 Share Posted May 18, 2004 My Prayers are with you and your family. Please know that we are all here to help and support you. Cancer is so devastating that we all need all the support we can get. I welcome you here with open arms. I have been away visiting my Brother who also has this horrible cancer. I am trying to catch up as I will be going back there on Thurs. so please accept my late welcome and know that you are all in our prayers God Bless You, Jane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karen335 Posted May 18, 2004 Share Posted May 18, 2004 You are in my prayers. It would be wise to get a second opinion. Praying that all goes well and treatments can get started... God bless, Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie's girl Posted June 3, 2004 Share Posted June 3, 2004 Dear AngelB, I am so sorry that you have to go through this with your Stepdad and your mom. I found this board while helping my Mom. Stage3a nsclc. She did choose to get a second opinion and that made all the difference. However, prior to that we accepted her decision not to pursue treatment. Which is such a fine line. We want to hold on to them forever yet we have to realize that this is their decision. As bold as that may sound it is meant with extreme sensitivity. Someone once said "we are our parent's parents and our children's children". At no other time in my life has that been more apparent than this past month. Being with my mom after her surgery was one of the best times of my life. It was also one of the hardest. I knew she was making some very difficult decisions. Just being there for your Mom and Stepdad is so important. Is there anyway you can be there physically (in Atlanta) for a little while? Or do you have siblings nearby? The physical and emotional support is priceless. May you find the answers you are looking for. And the picture you have posted is adorable. Elaine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nushka Posted June 3, 2004 Share Posted June 3, 2004 Angel, It sounds like you are doing about all you can do from a distance. I agree with him that it is his decision but a second opinion might change his mind. Is there anyway you can go to Atlanta for a few days? I know it is hard to tear away from your own life, but it might make you feel better to know you went to see them. I admire your involvment and glad you found this board. We are here for you and wish you and your family only the best. Nina aka Nushka Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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