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Brandy Easton

New and not sure what to do

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My mom was just diagnosed with lung cancer today. She said they are doing a PET scan, but making her wait 1& 1/2 weeks for it. She didn't say what kind of cancer it is I'm not sure she even knows. I know she is scared , and i want to be there for her but I don't know what to do or say. Someone please help me. I LOVE MY MOM. I can't imagine living without her,see now I'm being selfish this isn't about me. All advice would be greatly appreciated.

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Hi Brandy,

I am sorry you have to be in this position, but you have found a great group of people here. My beloved mom was diagnosed in March and I felt like my world stopped spinning. I felt so helpless, sad, angry, alone...you name it. My mom is my best friend and I can't imagine life without her. She has now begun treatment and each day is a roller coaster of emotions. Surround yourself with loved ones, be there for your mom and don't forget to take care of yourself. I suggest you don't read all the depressing statistics out there, but do gain knowledge on the type of cancer your mom has and ask the doctor plenty of questions!!! And if need be, get a second opinion! I am sorry you have to go through this, but know you aren't alone. I will keep you in my prayers.

Andrea B.

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Hi Brandy and Welcome, :D

I'm so sorry that you are here :( , but you are not alone. When My Mom was DX it was absolutely terrifying. All you can do at this point is try and support and encourage your mother. Tell her that she can beat this! Many here have! Right now you are experiencing many emotions, shock, fear, anxiety.. The best thing to do is to educate yourself about this disease and get ready to fight the battle along side her. It will help you to know what you can control.. which is her care and treatments. We are here to help you out in any way we can.

Wishing you and your Mom all the best.

Please keep us posted.

Laurie

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hi, i know what you feel, I cried with a broken-heart for my dad once it was confirmed he has a LC, I crazily went to search all information, went to see several doctors for opinion....you know what, I was angry because when my Dad was confirmed LC, this was the time that SARS outbreak happened in HOng Kong, most of the tests were not available in the hospital and I need to take my dad to the private hospital to have those checks and tests. Moreover, we feared that we got infected, only one of our whole family members got infected with SARS, all of us must be quarantined and mydad's treatment would be delayed.

But everyday, I pray for not being affected, especially my dad. The outbreak is over now and my tension is released alot while all uncertainties are clarified and settled.

My dad is doing chemo, just finished the 1st round. I suggest you to search for as many info as you can and also take good care of yourself. Now is just the start. Talk to your friends. You cannot be cracked down at this moment. Believe me, you will get better..

_______

dad dx SCLC 4/03

met to one nearby lymph node

chemo : etoposide + cisplatin

taking chinese herb medicine + a drug which claims to soothe the side effect of chemo and help killing cancer.

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Brandy,

Welcome to this site, I can't tell you how sorry I am about your beloved mom. I think we all relate to the feelings you are expressing. They are completely normal, even the ones that you think are selfish.

When my husband, the love of my life and my best friend, was diagnosed, it felt like I'd been shot in the gut. My whole world turned upside down and nothing could control the flood of emotions. I felt like I was going insane, I had searing pain, self pity, depair, anger, irritability, intolerance, uncontrollable grief, anxiety, and panic attacks. But it does get better.

This board, and all the loving members on it, have helped me a lot. They've kept me focused on the moment and the the "what if"s. They've boosted my spirit, and given me information and calmed my fears when needed. It also gets better once treatments starts, because then you are driven. You and your mom are actively fighting and have a goal to focus on. Not going to lie to you and say it ever is easy, that it ever is going to be the same.

My life was blissfully happy. I'd give anything to go back to that. To wake up tomorrow and have my husband cured. But now I look forward to small moments of peace, gentle moments of beauty. Since this all started two months ago, I still can't say I've had a single moment where I honestly smiled and felt it, but I hope that will come too in time.

Just know that what you are feeling is ok, and you need to go through the full spectrum of emotions. Also understand that your mom is probably going through those same emotions. Just be there for her to talk to, if that is what she wants. Be there for her to talk about normal life issues if she wants a distraction from constantly thinking about cancer. Reassure her that you are there for her, for whatever she needs, and you are going to help her fight. With your love and determination, with her will and positive attitude, with the love and support of the whole family and all the friends, she can beat this thing. People are doing it, there are LC survivors. There is Hope. That is what you can impart to you sweet mother.

I will be praying for you,

Carleen

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Brandy-

My mother, also my best friend in the world, was dx with stage 4 NSCLC, 12-02, it had spread to her skin and her kidney...she is doing great right now. Her treatments were a little hard on her. But she made it through. Like the others said, don't go freak yourself out reading statistics, because they are statistics. This forum has helped me, and given me advice to pass on to my mom.

Your emotions are completely normal, I can't even think of my life without my mom. I don't think that is selfish, I think it gives us the drive to help in any way possible. It is possible to live a long while with LC, there are MANY survivors in this forum. Keep talking to them, and writing, because it really does help to get the emotions out of your system. Everybody here will understand what your feeling. :D

Know that you have many friends now, and a very large prayer group. Keep posting and talking, (IT REALLY HELPS)!!!

Rana

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Brandy, I'm new here too and so sorry to hear about your Mom. Waiting for the test results was one of the hardest parts for me. Many, many sleepless nights. I did research on the computer, but that's hard when you don't know what type she has. The best thing I did was call the Alliance for Lung Cancer (800) 298-2436. They have a hotline during the week and they calmed me down and told me which doctors my husband need to see. Just being able to be proactive helped me tremendously. It helped to take away the feeling of being punched in the stomach. They were able to recommend a cancer institute in my area and even which doctor to see. Good luck and know that our prayers are with you and your Mom.

Annie

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Hi Brandy,

I am like you. My mom was just diagonosed february 2003. Her tumor was passive. It was almost 6 inches (thats right inches) by 4 inches. We were immediately told she was inoperable but that she could be treated. They waited almost 2 weeks before they started chemo on her and she was pretty much almost dead when they started it. She was so weak she could not eat, sleep, lie down. All she and we (sister, father and me) did was sit with her 24/7 for those 2 weeks. Then the first day they did the chemo was in her we took our first deep breath. Just knowing the disease fighting chemical was in her (even if we did not know if it would work) was a breath for her. Long story short after her 3rd chemo he tumor shrunk almost 90 percent. then again a bomb dropped. 3 weeks ago her left hand went numb and she could not move her fingers. We thought she had a mini stroke...wrong.... the cancer spread to her brain. that same day they started full head radiation on her and did 14 treatments. I still dont know the results of the radiation if it even worked or not because we have to wait 6-8 weeks to see if there is any shrinkage. but you know what all these people here have given me the hope, guidance, knowledge and positive attitude I need to believe its gonna work. She has also started the second bout of chemo treatments. 3 more rounds and then hopefully the disease will be controlled or to the point where there not growing and threatening her life anymore immediately. I moved home from another state just to be with my mom during this and I pray until I cry every night that god will hear me and reach down from heaven touch her beautiful face and make a miracle happen by taking the cancer from her chest and brain. I, like you, do not know what I will do or how I will go on if she succombs to this but I try to think every day she will survive for a while. Dont get me wrong every day I wake up sad and full of fear, especially when she cant eat or when she is so tired she cant stand up by herself. but then there are the not so bad days when she can eat and walks around walmart with me or when she jokes about other things besides her disease.

Live every moment now. cherish it and make is special. DO RESEARCH and come to this board often to get YOUR feelings off your chest. Lord knows I have posted enough fear here and I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN HELPED HERE.

There will be bad and not so bad moments but we all help each other through those moments.

There is sooooo much that can now be done about LC that the ultimate loss is not in the near future.

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Dear Brandy,

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom, but extend you a welcome to this supportive, loving group. I think it might be harder to handle the news of a loved one having LC than living through it yourself, so your fears and concerns are certainly understandable. I'll have you and your mom in my prayers.

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Welcome to the board and sorry you have to be here. You are feeling the same things that each caregiver / Family member has felt before.

Wait to see what the scans bring back and most importantly keep a positive attitude and outlook.

This is not a death sentence as most people immediately assume. Dont start the greiving process now, but figure ways to brighten each day from this point forward.

Please keep us updated and feel free to ask any questions.

Rickey

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Guest canuckwebgrrl

Brandy,

We are all here to support one another. I'm 28, my step-dad is 52, he was diagnosed with extensive small cell lung cancer, with lymph node and liver involvement. March 1 of this year. He is undergoing chemo right now and is doing pretty well. If you see someone who has a similar situation/age/relative on this board, contact them. We're all learning from each other here.

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Brandy,

Its good you found this board. It was my saving grace. Cancer turns your world upside down. Don't ever think you are selfish for feeling sad. It is about your Mom, but its also about you. Come here often, there were days at first when I only went to the good news section. Try to stay off the net, the statistics posted out there are depressing and mostly untrue. Its true you must ask questions of your doctor and gain knowledge. The question part is something I preach but don't practice yet. I'm trying. I've learned a lot on this board, its informative, uplifting and a place to go to lean on people who know what your feeling.

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Brandy, hi... I just had to reply to your message. I was recently diagnosed with lung cancer and have a daughter myself. I know she is scared and that is okay. It is normal and I am scared too...Don't ever think it's selfish to be thinking of yourself at this time, of course you will. But you're mom is scared as well, I'm sure just like me. My son and daughter are what drive me to beat this everyday. My baby who is 17 and not reallya baby anymore, has no doubts that I won't pull thru this and just like everything else I have done in her life, she knows I will not dissapoint her if there is a way. Your love that you and your mom share will guide her...step by step. Be there for her, but never feel guilty if you have a bad day. She will have bad days too. We all do, cancer or no cancer. Be strong but cry too..it cleanses and heals. Please let me know how things go...I will have you both in my prayers. Your mom is lucky to have a loving daughter such as yourself. Please continue to come into this room, the people are wonderful and encourage your mom to come too. It helps so much...I have been very encouraged each and every time I read a new message. Feel free to e-mail me @ [email protected] if you need to talk. Take care ..Cherry45 :lol:

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One more thing...Listen to Candy and take it from my own experience...do not look things up on the net...depressing and not accurate as proof by the people in this room. Stay positive...if it's not positive..run hard and fast...don't let negatives ever set in...Good point Candy, glad you mentioned that. Cherry45 :wink:

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Brandy

It's alright to feel down and out. This cancer is not the nicest thing to face or have. It not only tears up your body but wears on your nerves causing you to think a lot of "what ifs".

It doesn't have to be a death sentence. There are several folks on this board who have dealt with it for quite a while as you will see throughout the postings.

I hope things start to change to the better for you and soon you will posting some good words.

Good Luck and God Bless

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