Guest Janet W Posted February 2, 2003 Share Posted February 2, 2003 Do I believe the doctor or not? He says I'm well......go right on with life.....this was a bump in the road.......but then he pokes and prods like he expects to find something......Do you believe them when they tell you you will be fine ?? Do I guard against getting pregnant now? if I don't, am I being foolhardy, selfish, thoughtless? What about things like major financial committments....mortgages.....?? Is it foolish to enter into anything major that way, knowing that there's a fair chance you may go from stage 1 to stage 4 in a matter of weeks? What about life insurance? Disability/illness insurance? impossible to get after you've had early stage lung cancer? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SandyS Posted February 2, 2003 Share Posted February 2, 2003 Janet - I was stuck in the same hole of thinking that you are about a week ago, and I'm not even done with my treatment yet. I starting getting real depressed, and thinking how can I promise ANYONE ANYTHING now. But then I read something that kinda was a wake up call: "NOBODY is promised tomorrow." Hmmmmmmmmmm.................okay - so we're more AWARE of our immortality now, but everyone else is just as immortal as we are. And yet people get up in the morning, go to work, plan a life and take on financial commitments - even though they could get hit by a car tomorrow (or find out they have cancer!).....they're just not thinking that way. When you stop planning for a future, you stop having hope. And when you don't have hope, you may as well just go to bed and not get up! The baby issue is obviously something you need to have your doctors' full input and approval on, as well as your husband's. Take a deep breath - MAKE some plans - maybe not major life decisions just yet - plan a trip! And pray for the peace and knowledge to help you make these other decisions. Best of luck, SandyS Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gail Posted February 2, 2003 Share Posted February 2, 2003 I don't know when you were diagnosed, but I had those same feelings when I was first diagnosed in 93 with breast cancer. We had just put the house on the market; the day I learned of the diagnosis, we took it off. 8 months later we found a beautiful house, and life progressed. I think those fears are common and natural, because I had them with each of my three diagnosis. Talking with a therapist this last time really helped me to focus on the day, the present. We could spend our life waiting to see if it reoccurs, and then be killed in a car accident. Give yourself time. It's been 21 months since my lung cancer, and it's really only been since the fall that I've been starting to think about the future again. doesn't mean, though, that I'm not enjoying today. Smile each day gail Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Estrea Posted February 4, 2003 Share Posted February 4, 2003 I want to jump in here because here I am four years out and I am so glad that I listened to the doctors and went on with life! My husband and I had tried to have a baby and then decided not to do anything more about it after the dx. Then we started thinking about a year and a half later that life is very short and we should live it all to the fullest. PS, we now have 14 month old twins, are moving to a beautiful house, have great careers and are the happiest we have ever been. I think you need to do what you are comfortable with and what is right for you. But, creating life after surviving lung cancer is one of the most rewarding things one can do in life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest fitz Posted February 5, 2003 Share Posted February 5, 2003 Estrea, thanks so much for all your support. My dad was diagonsed with nsclc today 2/4 and I am overwhelmed. I am an oncology nurse and am having a difficult time dealing with the news. We lost my mom to gallblladder cancer 8/1. Keep uup the good work! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest bogie Posted February 5, 2003 Share Posted February 5, 2003 Estrea, thanks so much for all your support. My dad was diagonsed with nsclc today 2/4 and I am overwhelmed. I am an oncology nurse and am having a difficult time dealing with the news. We lost my mom to gallblladder cancer 8/1. Keep uup the good work! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Debaroo Posted February 6, 2003 Share Posted February 6, 2003 CARPE' DEUM (ok, the spelling might be wrong), Janet. SEIZE THE DAY!!! Life is uncertain, for EVERYONE! My husband is famous for saying that I worry too much, that I'm too tense. He is right. I am learning to let go, because there are no guarantees, and worrying is like paying interest on a loan you'll never take out. I used to tell him that I'll stop worrying when he gets a NOTARIZED LETTER FROM GOD stating that nothing will ever happen to the people I love, or to me. But then I realized, that it wasn't that I couldn't stop worrying, its that I WOULDN'T stop worrying. As if all the worry would somehow prepare me for when the s#&* hit the fan, what a crock. I'm not saying that I don't worry, hell, I have 2 children. But I don't let myself get too carried away.. I read Estrias post, and she's been there, and reading her past posts about how she has gone on with her life served as a swack in the head to me that even when the S#&* hits the fan, you do what you have to do-take care of it. Now you've been given the thumbs up from your doctor to go on with your life. I know I've not been in your shoes, and I hope I'm not being preachy or anything, but reading Sandy, Estria, and Gails posts, I really feel that, when I start to sit around and worry, I've really got some nerve. I don't want to insult anyone that has gone through surviving something like lung cancer, or breast cancer, or abuse, I could go on and on, by worrying about something that may never happen. And, Janet, I wouldn't want to insult you. You're a survivor. I hope you enjoy. Take Care, Deb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Janet W Posted February 17, 2003 Share Posted February 17, 2003 Ok, I'm at a point here. I can make plans - but I'm not talking about little piddly makes-no-difference kind of plans, but rather MAJOR plans. Big life changing plans like babies, mortgages, etc. Not trips. Please no trips. I traveled as much as I ever want to travel twenty years ago and really don't want to go anywhere. I want another baby. I have four and want one more if possible two. I need a bigger house and I want one and the RIGHT one has appeared - won't be here a year or more from now. Then again, maybe I won't be either. But everyone says to go ahead and get on with my life......but the moment I DO start to go ahead and get on with my life, like normal, like before lung cancer, everyone is startled and thinks I'm stupid for doing it? As in, "Yes, we said to get on with your life......but that's just to make you feel good.....if you had any sense, you'd know better than to make much more than funeral plans"....... What would I be doing if there hadn't been any lung cancer? I'd be concentrating on baby #5 and I'd DEFINITELY be getting the house and I sure as shootin' wouldn't be taking a trip somewhere. If I am to live "like normal" then that would be as if there hadn't ever been lung cancer - To stop and NOT have the baby (pulmonologist said go ahead, have a baby)..to stop and NOT buy the bigger house......that would not be "going on with life as normal". What everyone says......and then when I DO what is "normal" and "getting on with life" surprises everyone and they all think I am stupid to think I actually HAVE a life more than a few months or a year or two? Am I making a lick of sense?! Their mouths say, "You'll be fine. You've survived and it's over now, and you have your life back".........their eyes and their body language say, "You poor pitiful soon to be dead person who is too stupid to realize her own death when it is looking her in the face".... I was diagnosed (and had surgery) right after I turned 40, in December of 2001, so it's been about 14 months. I'm told that it is too early for it to be back - that if it comes back, it'll be around the 2 year mark. When I asked how many people like me with stage 1a had a recurrence - I was told about a third. So am I to wait until I reach 2 years before I do anything? Is that 2 year mark........is it a "magical cure point" or a "death sentence"? Do I look forward to 2 years or dread it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DaveG Posted February 17, 2003 Share Posted February 17, 2003 Janet: You and I are in the same "time frame" with lung cancer. I have been told the very same things you have been told, " There no cancer left, it is gone, get on with my life". Ok, but I retired because a couple of my doctors thought it best I do that, now they tell me to get on with my life. My position has been filled at my old job, and I don't want to drive 50 miles one way just to take the same position in another location. So, I am venturing out, getting into new things and, guess what, I'm enjoying it and am having fun. No income, mind you, but having fun. I would say this, listen to your doctors, if they say having a baby is within your physical capability, then go for it. If you have seen your dream house, go for it. Isn't this what the doctors have told us? Live our lives, no matter how they have changed. The founder of this site is a living example. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie Posted February 17, 2003 Share Posted February 17, 2003 You are making perfect sense to me. I go through the same feelings every day. Normal, sure I can live a normal life. Of course it will have to be in between the CT scans, and all the Doctor appointments, the fear and all the other problems associated with LC. Our normal will always be different than normal for people without LC. That doesn't mean we can't go on with our lives, but it does mean that we have to go about it with thoughts and concerns that others don't have to deal with. I would like to tell you to go with what your heart tells you, but I can't do it. In the mean time you have your children to enjoy and I have my grandchidren to enjoy. Take care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SandyS Posted February 18, 2003 Share Posted February 18, 2003 Gee Janet- I didn't mean to offend you by suggesting a trip - I was just trying to help you take a "baby step" and be encouraging. But if I ignited this much "fight" in you to go off and do the things you want, then that's okay too.... Best of luck, SandyS Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Janet W Posted February 18, 2003 Share Posted February 18, 2003 NO offense, no offense - just losing my mind over what people SAY , and what they convey otherwise - Today I called various utilities to have service switched to the house we're moving into - I was asked by one woman on the other end of the phone if I was back to work now, that is, *cough cough* after my surgery and all...... Umm, well, yes, I got back about 8 weeks.......that's been a year now.....doing great..... OH! Well! You're doing great?! she wondered.....I had been on their prayer list at her church..... I am so grateful for everyone's prayers but most are approaching it all with the "all we can do is pray" approach - that is laced with sadness and pity, as if prayer were the most lame and ineffective thing there ever was ....as if the doctors couldn't do it, then nobody could?!! Many have prayed.....but most did not expect a good outcome? Where is our faith? I thought *I* was negative - but it seems I am surrounded by negativity and doubt in what God can do if He wants to do it - I have no doubt what He can do - my doubt was whether He would WANT to do it, as I surely don't deserve it - but my prayer has been that He might will it so.......and I am certain everyone's prayers have helped bunches - but wow, nobody believes in the reality of the possiblity of healing they asked for? I'm in the middle of rewriting my wills and making clear my funeral plans.....but also at the same time, I'm still hoping for a new baby and yes, we're moving. This opportunity may never present itself again even if I live another forty years. If I *do* die, my family will be better off because of the move - how can I pass that up? Hope for the best, plan for the worst. Even planning for the worst doesn't mean your life has to come to an end......you don't have to sit and mope and weep, which I've done plenty of......I think that might actually help death come along faster - screw that! I choose to LIVE to the fullest while I'm still here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Connie B Posted February 19, 2003 Share Posted February 19, 2003 Hi Janet, Your comment, "Many have prayed.....but most did not expect a good outcome? Where is our Faith?" Well my dear when they see you dancing around and adding to your family in time to come, THEY will be the ones to learn where Faith comes from!! Just think of it as Gods way of showing them the WAY!!! That and the fact that many people honestly are ignorant about lung cancer and it's survival rate, it's not there fault though, they just don't know any better!!! But that's okay, cause your going to give them all a new lesson in how to survive lung cancer and enjoy life along this journey!! Warm and Gentle Hugs, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Debaroo Posted February 20, 2003 Share Posted February 20, 2003 AMEN CONNIE!!!!! GREAT POINT!! Deb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 22, 2003 Share Posted February 22, 2003 I'm a headstrong, slow learner.......took me a lil' longer to figure out that it was time to get on with my life! My battle seems to take so much focus that I scarcely looked up to see the sky above or the ground Guess we all cope and deal so many different ways. Now, three years post dx, I'm enrolling in courses as a career investment for tomorrow...even took out a three year service warrranty contract !!! <> Maybe plant a garden...............Yep, Life may be a mystery, but I am NOT giving in, I'm getting on! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 22, 2003 Share Posted February 22, 2003 I'm a headstrong, slow learner.......took me a lil' longer to figure out that it was time to get on with my life! My battle seems to take so much focus that I scarcely looked up to see the sky above or the ground Guess we all cope and deal so many different ways. Now, three years post dx, I'm enrolling in courses as a career investment for tomorrow...even took out a three year service warrranty contract !!! <> Maybe plant a garden...............Yep, Life may be a mystery, but I am NOT giving in, I'm getting on! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DaveG Posted February 23, 2003 Share Posted February 23, 2003 When I went in for my second surgery, I was told, most definitely, I would lose the lower lobe of my right lung. When I came out of the anesthesia, and the doctor told that the tumor was benign, I cried. I cried because so many prayers had been answered. Prayers can lead to so many things and can be answered in so many ways, many times in ways we do not understand. Here's one for you: Why did I have the car accident, which then led to the initial diagnosis of lung canceer? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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