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finally feeling empty


berisa

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After all things are settled, I suddenly feel emptiness. After the funeral, I started to aware that my dad was really gone. I know why the emptiness came, it was because all things are settled and it seems that I have nothing to do which is regarding my dad. He is totally gone in my life. My life will not involve anything such as my time, my attention spent on my dad. After 13 months fight with him, I felt empty. During this 13 months, all my attention, all my time was devoted to him. But now I realize that he has indeed left and for the coming many years, I cannot see him again. He is just a memory. :(

I then, reminded myself by the bible that my dad is just sleeping in Christ, and I should not be depressed because one day, we will meet again. This scripture helps me a lot in emotion.

Yesterday, I went to bookstore and bought a book named "God the evidence". I wish to know more about the after Death, God, for making sure that one day, I will meet my dad again. I really want to know in between now and the day Jesus returns, where is my dad now? I planned to go to Christianity Bookstore for looking for such kind of books. I also wish to find books regarding the after Death.

Actually, May 7th was my lasting working day in previous company. I will start to find a new job. But in between, I will go for vacation with my mother and brother. I want to feel God's presence, his amazing creation. Certainly, I want to bring mom to out of town on behalf of my dad. I have to take care of her for dad. He worried my mom very much before his gone.

All of you are still in my thoughts and prayers everyday. I will not forget all of you :wink:

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Guest bean_si (Not Active)

It's so hard on you, even though you know you will see your Dad again one day. I don't know where the spirit goes after death but sometimes I feel that the spirit disperses into the universe - that perhaps it becomes part of a star one day, and the next it's part of a cloud or part of a flower or the soft breeze on your face. I don't know. I wish I did. I wish I could do something to make you feel better. I can only tell you that I will pray for you and your Mom.

Cat

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Hi Berisa

You should be very proud of the way that you have handled both your dad's illness and his passing. You are an inspiration to many on this board.

I hope you enjoy your holiday with your family - time to make some new memories!

Thinking of you,

Karen

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Berisa,

Hold on to your faith. It is what will get you through each day and every trial that you face. The path you are walking will have it's ups and downs, but keep you faith strong.

Try and enjoy your holiday with your family. You all need each other. Good luck on the job search.

Love,

Shirleyb

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Berisa,

Your faith in God will help you move through this grief. Your Father is peaceful now. He knows he raised a beautiful daughter who took care of him so well and will continue to take care of his wife. He is very proud.

Berisa, enjoy your memories of him. He wants you to smile.

Ginny

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Berisa,

I understand how you feel about the emptiness. I was with my mom in the hospital for about 10 days before she passed, usually all day and all night. Helping to take care of her was so intense and focused that after I left the hospital and after the funeral, everything just felt empty. Like others have said, I would look around and everything was ticking away everywhere just like normal, and I just wanted to tell everyone to stop hurrying so fast - my mom is dead, but of course I didn't.

Now that your mom needs you, which is a good thing, you can focus all your love and attention and caregiving on her. That should help a little. Giving to others becomes a habit. You have given for 13 consecutive months, and you will automatically find someone else (your mom for now) to give to. Giving is now part of your psyche, and I just bet that every time anyone in your family becomes ill, you will be one of the primary people involved in their recovery.

May God comfort you and fill the emptiness with His love.

Peggy

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Please remember that we are here for you. It is very hard and I understand what you are feeling.

May god bring you some comfort in the days ahead.

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Berisa -

Please know that I still think of you all the time. I wish peace for you and your family. I think it is a good idea that you take some time now and be with Mom, it will do you both some good. Please keep in touch. Love, Sharon

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Hi Berisa,

I sure am glad to see you post.There is nothing I can say to help fill that emptiness that will be with you for a long time.I can say that your father and mother are blessed to have you as a daughter and caregiver.What a wonderful job you have done.Enjoy the vacation and know that your father is smiling down on you with some very proud eyes.Praying for us all.TBone

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Berisa, my friend.

I don't know what words I could type that would bring you any comfort or peace. I wish I could do something, anything to take your grief away. I am still living in my own, the pain has gotten, not easier, but I guess the words would be expected and anticipated and routine. Thats a good one, the pain is in my routine now so I live in it and I know what it feels like and what I am supposed to do to get through todays pain and I know what tomorrows pain will be like because it will be just like todays and the day before thats.

I search for answers myself still everyday. Where is mom right now. Is heaven like here only no money is needed. Is she with her twin and are they happy together again.

if you find those answers maybe you could share them with me.

please stay with us because I need you and everyone here.

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Berisa, enjoy your much-deserved vacation with your Mom. You both need to rest and reflect before starting your new and different lives without your beloved father. Remember that your father is much more than a memory; he is part of you, and remains with you all the time. God Bless, Teresa

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Berisa,

Thinking of you and your family. You are always in my prayers. Your father is in heaven with our Lord, Jesus and is watching down over you. He is so proud and loves you dearly. There is life after death and we will all be re-united with our loved ones. Heaven is so glorious and beautiful...

God bless, prayers and hugs,

Karen

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Berisa,

I am so sorry for the emptiness you feel. It seems only natural. I hope that getting away with your mom and brother will help you all to heal a little more each day. I hope you will begin to see more of your father in your mom, your brother and yourself, too -- because no doubt he is there. He must have been such a wonderful man. I just hurt for you. Please know that you are in my prayers and that I think of you so often. I'm sure happiness is hard to find right now, but you know your father would want you to find it, as best you can.

I have heard that our loved ones sometimes send us a smile through the wings of a butterfly. I wish you many butterflies.

Praying for you,

BeckyCW

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[[[[[[[[[[[berisa]]]]]]]]]]

You, are so so very brave and strong. To hear those words, 'finally I feel empty", was like a mirror for me, of how life will be for me when my own husband passes. Thank you for being with us, for your beautiful sharing and now, for showing me and others how you will work through your most terrible of losesses. Because I want to know how you do it. I want too know 'how' to survive after the storm, and I will learn from you.

Beth

============================

husband diag. 12/3 w/extensive SCLC,

given 5-7 months to live. Mets to spine, liver, femur, bones

Started 13 sessions with carbo/taxol, developed neuropathy

Out of week because of weakness and pain for three weeks;

switched to CPT-11; platelets too low, hemoglobin too low.

Start 3rd treatment this Friday. Praying for good blood counts~

CT scan of brain taken last week; lesion discovered; undefined.

Will have MRI tomorrow.

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