Jump to content

Something happened to me...


KatieB

Recommended Posts

My mom has been out of town and I am just now going to the cemetary alone. This is a rare occasion as I am always there supporting my mom- her grief over mine is the way it has been- but because I was alone--the grief I hold inside flowed and flowed.

Dad is at the DFW Veterans Memorial and you all know what that is like. Rows and rows of white headstones with the proper inscriptions and can sometimes feel rigid and uncomfortable there. There is no landscaping other than the golf-green grass and the trees far far in the distance. No butterflies or birds about at all.

I just ploped on the ground right next to his headstone and I began to talk. Really talk. Out loud. About everything. Like I used to talk to him when I sat by his side. (I've not done this at the cemetary before)

I talked to my daddy about everything. My job, my marraige, my new daughter that he didn't get to see, this website, my stress, my insecurity, my rights and wrongs. My intense pain.

Then I told him how "lost" I still was. Because he died....and "damnit WHY did it have to happen and things in our lives now are SO different and HOW IN THE HECK am I supposed to help other people when I can barely help myself>???!!!!" - I snaped at him thru tears.

"I miss you so much dad. Not a dream, not a "feeling" from you- nothing. I've not felt you around me at all! I miss you so much- are you OK? Can you see me? Can you just PLEASE let me know that you are ok, because I AM NOT!" I still need you so much.

And as I cried a butterfly fluttered in front of me and brushed past my arm. I stopped crying long enough to watch and the butterfly turned and landed on my finger. It just sat like that slowing flaping its wings for several seconds. Then I burst out in sobs and it flew away.

Maybe that was my sign.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Katie,

Any kind of sign tells you the people your are thinking of

so much are still with you.

It waited till you were alone so you would know it was for

you.

Feel good about it and just by looking you will see many more

ways that your father is still there.

xoxo

J.C.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Katie,

I almost didn't reply because I was so emotional reading your post. You have so much pain, and I am hurting and tearful just thinking about you hurting so much. I just don't know what to say to comfort you. I'm just so sorry. Right now, I am just asking God to put his arms around you, comfort you and to give you strength. Jesus said, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." Mathew 5:14. I pray that he gives you that comfort.

Love,

Peggy

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes, it was a sign. I felt it through the internet.

We are all entitled to moments of collapse--remember I've had 3 years of therapy in me. I know you didn't like Tuesdays with Morrie, but there was a part in that book that jumped out at me. I read the book after my second breast cancer, and reread it after the lung.

But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your head even, you experience them fully and completely. You know what pain is. You know what love is. You know what grief is. And only then can you say, 'All right. I have experienced that emotion. I recognize that emotion. Now I need to detach from that emotion for a moment'"

I learned through this, through therapy, I didn't have to be brave every moment.

Thanks Katie for all you do.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes, Katie, that was a sign and a beautiful one. The butterfly represents resurrected life and a peace sign. What a gift! I believe it helps to be able to express our feelings verbally or written. I lost both my parents when I was in my early 20's. When I married and began having my own kids, I got sad all over again because I could not share the two generations. A friend of mine suggested I write my parents a letter and tell them all about my kids, how I was feeling, etc. -- sort of a written version of what you did out loud. I think it helps. It did for me. I found peace in it. Thanks for the beautiful story. Don

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ah, Katie -

Tears are running down my face. I so know what you're talking about. As to whether it was a sign, if it helped release that tight knot of pain for even a second, then it's sign enough for me.

I think there are many happenings in life that can be interpreted as signs, and probably other people can find logical reasons to dispute any or all of them, but the only thing that should matter to us is how it feels in our hearts. If you felt it was your Dad, then it probably was.

Wishing you many more signs, and especially increasing peace.

Gloria

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest bean_si (Not Active)

Katie, Wow, what a fabulous sign. A butterfly. You couldn't ask for a more potent or beautiful sign. In Shamanism, the butterfly is a symbol of reincarnation, transformation, transmutation and magick. You were open and ready to hear and your dad spoke to you. I'm in awe and so happy for you.

Cat

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I saw a poem one time that talked about asking God for a sign. One thing in the poem was a butterfly which was not taken as a sign. The poem went on to say we have to be aware of what signs are. I truly believe you received a sign from your Dad and that is very special.

God Bless Katie!

MO

Link to comment
Share on other sites

KATIE, I read this the other day and couldn't reply,didn't know what to say.I thought about it for a day and now I'm going to tell you that I'm sure that was a sign from your dad.(he's ok with everything and wants you to know that).I also want to thank you as well for all that you do for us.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

That is so beautiful and had chills as I read your post. Heck yeah that's a sign!!!

I went to the cemetary on Mother's Day by myself for the first time and couldn't get myself to talk out loud but found myself crying, balling out loud (as you, this was the first time I could concentrate on my grief as opposed to my Dad's). There were so many people there that day at the cemetary. Maybe that's my first step....I hope I can have some sign the next time I go.

Just a month ago though, my nieghbor said, "I don't know if you noticed, but you have a nest above your door". I looked up and there was a momma dove in a nest. It was not afraid of me. It was very wierd. It stayed there for 2 weeks and it was in the same position each time. Every day I would be right there within a couple feet of the dove and the dove and I would just stare at each other. My husband even thought it was wierd. I can't help but think it was some sign that my mom gave me. A momma dove to watch over me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Katie,

I truly believe that you've received a message from your father.

When Keith and I were married, at the end of the ceremony, we had our guest release 100 live butterflies. I had read in a number of books where butterflies were said to be the messangers between earth and heaven. A sort of transcendental entity. We had given each guest a butterfly, and a passage from a book that told how butterflies were believed to carry prayers on their wings up to heaven. As each guest released their butterfly we asked that they say a prayer for Keith and I.

If butterflies can carry messages and prayers to heaven, there is no reason to believe they can not carry messages in return.

I believe that butterfly was a message from your father saying he loves you and is ok.

God Bless

Carleen

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dear Katie,

My heart broke reading your post but as I kept reading and the butterfly appeared I found this happy smile on my face. Yes! Yes! Yes! this was a sign. What a wonderful experience you had. Treasure it and I am sure there will be many, many more!!

God Bless You,

Jane

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh Katie, What a wonderful sign. It is so hard when they are gone and those day to day things that we got so used to are gone.

He sent you a sign that his love is still there, his memories will be with you forever, they will never go away or fade. You were blessed. Hold on to that feeling.

Love Cindy

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you all for your wonderful replies. My heart wants to believe it was more than a coincidence. You're posts have made me believe that it is ok to think that it was more than a coincidence!

Love,

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Katie,

YES, YES!! You finally received your sign! And what a perfect sign it was!! I'm so glad that you shared it with us. Keep asking your Dad for those signs out loud, Katie, and they will surely come to you, I promise you that. I have been experiencing them myself and they are amazing. I have a friend who passed away on 9/11, 30 yrs. old. He sends his family Monarch butterflies all the time. Even when they shouldn't be around! It is definitely his sign to them. His mother has a sort of shrine in her house for him, with his pictures and candles all around. One day this winter they lit the candle and when they returned a few minutes later the flame was out and the wick had split into a shape that looked EXACTLY like a butterfly! It made a believer out of the family members who were skeptical about receiving signs, that's how amazing it was. They believe that was his way of sending the butterfly to them even in the winter. Keep looking for them, Katie, they are all around. God bless you always.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dear Katie,

My eyes filled with tears when I read your post. I think sometimes we are too busy trying to get over our grief that we don't stop and see the signs. I truly believe that the butterfly was your sign. Relish in it and know that your dad loves you so much and is proud of you.

Thank you for all that you do.

Hugs and Love,

Andrea B.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Katie-

yes, you did get your sign. I believe that with my whole heart and soul. Your Dad was letting you know he hears you and is right there beside you. I am so happy for you - keep watching and listening.... I am sure there are signs of his presence all around you. Love, Sharon

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.