elnodel Posted May 21, 2004 Share Posted May 21, 2004 I've been wandering around the internet, looking at different sites, and found this through the good offices of Dave G on the American Cancer Society's website. My husband, Len, was diagnosed with squamous cell carcinoma about a month ago, operated upon three weeks ago, at which point they discovered that one of his lymph nodes was also involved. He had not had a PET scan because he discovered, halfway through it, that he was severely claustrophobic and couldn't go through with it at that point. They planned to schedule another one, this time with sedative, but the surgeon decided to go ahead with surgery (he had done a bronchoscopy as well as CT scans and xrays) right then and there. Len came through the surgery fairly well, with only a minor lapse or two (one period on a ventilator when he went into respiratory distress and a later time when his heart rate and blood pressure began sky rocketing--a cardiologist took care of the latter with drugs and he took out the ventilator himself and ended up breathing fine without it). He is in considerable discomfort, not at the incision but below the lung with shooting pains from time to time and general feelings of bloatedness/discomfort, not outright pain. I gather from Dave, and several others, that this is common. The surgeon also said that it was to be expected and would go away. He will be taking a PET scan on June 10 and then we're meeting with an oncologist to get started on chemo. All of this is pretty overwhelming, and he's somewhat depressed -- and having anxiety attacks at night. He's usually pretty active but this has knocked the stuffings out of him. I'm trying to encourage him to do whatever he can - getting him outside in this beautiful weather, taking little walks around, fetching and carrying for himself rather than having me get things for him (makes me feel like a fink but I THINK it's probabloy good for him to be as active as he can be, as long as he rests afterwards). His temper is also on the short side and I find myself getting impatient with him== which I shouldn't be, but somehow can't help it. I know that this will pass as he recovers from the surgery but have no idea of what to expect from the chemo. Just needed to get some of this off my chest. I'd love to know how other people are coping. I'm trying to have SOME sort of life of my own in the midst of this -- I work part time (out of the house mostly,as a consultant, but I do have to travel to see clients and that's been on hold for awhile), so I'll need to make arrangements of some sort there; I'm a (very bad) amateur cellist and play in a local string ensemble and with a trio as well; that I find emotionally necessary; the rest of my life is basically on hold (my house is deteriorating around me, the garden is a mess although I DID get the lawnmower started for the first time this spring and did the lawn)..... Ellen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeanCarl Posted May 21, 2004 Share Posted May 21, 2004 Ellen, Sorry you had to seek us out but so VERY glad you found us. This bunch is one of the finest group of folks you are likely to find anywhere and, no matter what the future holds for you and your husband there's somebody here who's "been there, done that". Len has the same brand of this beast that I do, though it sounds like they got ahold of his a bit earlier than they did mine. And it sounds like he is experiencing many of the same feelings I had when first diagnosed. That temper just might be his way of dealing with fear. If you can get him to open up about the fear it'll ease the anger quite a bit. It did for me. Finally, realize that you and Len don't have to go through this alone. There are over 1000 members on this board who have delt with every type of this disease and from every different perspective. Please let us know how things are going. Dean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamie Posted May 21, 2004 Share Posted May 21, 2004 ellen, Thank god youve found this site. When my dad was first dx'd, i lolled around on the net too, and almost found myself in a funk. Sounds like your husbands doing pretty good. My dad also has a tumor, and lymph. involvement. He is prepping for surgery now, as long as his biopsy comes back clean. Like your husband, my dad was a little edgy early on. He went through a whole rollercoaster of emotions, before finally becoming content. We still worry, and worry, and get mad, and worry, but there are alot of days that go by that we forget about it...for an hour or two. I believe the best thing that you can do for your husband is "be there". Be a good listener. Come back often, you will learn alot from this site. Any questions?.... Jamie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ginnyde Posted May 21, 2004 Share Posted May 21, 2004 Ellen, I am also the wife of a lung cancer patient who has survived, thank God, 20 months today since dx. He was staged immediately as stage IV and has been through so many treatments. I too feel and have felt many of the same feelings you do. I try to encourage Earl to get involved in life again. Unfortunately, we have just found multiple small tumors in his brain and this has knocked us down again. I work part time out of the house. I also have a large active circle of family and friends, thank God, and continue to do things with them. Right now Earl can be home by himself. I try not to leave him alone too often but if I am to be a 'kind' caregiver, I need some 'me' time'. If the time comes where he can not be left alone, he will not be left alone, it is that easy. Guilt comes with the gender. Especially if you are an Irish Catholic girl like me. HaHa. Ginny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elnodel Posted May 21, 2004 Author Share Posted May 21, 2004 Thank you all for your replies. I was feeling REALLY guilty that I had "complained" in my initial post -- I didn't really mean to but just needed to get some of it off of my chest. I will try to get Len to talk more about what he's feeling -- I know how scared he is (and me too) and how angry he is - both at the disease itself and at himself for not having stopped smoking years ago. I'm trying to persuade him to talk to the doctor about medication for anxiety - nights are quite difficult for him-- but he's nothing if not stubborn. I'm wondering if I should just go over his head and talk to the doctor myself? I'm also trying to be optimistic for the both of him -- he tends to be a pessimist at the best of times, and this, obviously, is NOT the best of times. Your stories give me hope that there is still good life to be lived. Ellen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted May 21, 2004 Share Posted May 21, 2004 Ellen, Go over his head. Ask about Xanax and Ambien... Xanax is an anxiety "Band-Aid" taken just when needed, not daily. Ambien is a sleep aid that can be taken up to five nights in a row (or longer with a doctor's supervision). He may not GO to the doctor to ask for help, but would probably use it if it were on the dresser when he can't get to sleep... Also, you may want to pick some up for YOURSELF! Welcome to the family. Sorry you had to find us, glad you did! (Don't worry about complaining, we all speak in that language at some time or another...) Take care, Becky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.