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I am a neurotic loon :)

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I have not posted in awhile about my neurosis, but got a few questions about whether I still am. Yes, I am still a worry wart. And what better place to vent and share fears than in Family Members/Caregivers section :) I don't want this to freak people out, I know my obsessing is not normal, and hence I am posting this here and not in general.

I found a poem on Pity Pot so I know I am not alone, every ache, every pain brings on a new set of fears.

My mom is doing really well, recovering from her chemo, surgery, and then radiation. We were at the mall two Saturdays ago and I noticed she winced giong up a stair. Her rib area hurt. I freaked out b/c we all know what that could mean :shock: It is not on the same side of her incision.

She thinks it was a muscle strain, her side feels much better she said, now it just hurts if she pushes in on the area. But still does that relieve my anxiety? Does the fact that just 3 weeks ago her CEA was ok relieve it? Nope :):) We see oncologist June 9, 2004 so we will see what he says. But deep down there is such a fear inside of me.........this beast just can take over at any second. Sure she looks great and feels ok besides the usual cancer fatigue. But she felt fine before diagnosis!

So I sat on the couch last night and cried. Then I cried b/c I felt guilty I was crying b/c who was I to cry when others are mourning. Then I cried more. Then Brian tickled me so I would stop crying and I tried to remain grumpy sad face, but the tickling made me laugh and I finished crying for last night at least :)

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My neurotic friend....

I'm glad you cried last night. I hope you didn't just open the jar and slap the lid back on, I hope you got a lot of it out.

You aren't different than anyone else, just more vocal on it. You are NOT strange...unique, yes...strange, no. :wink:

It's an ambush disease, symptoms? Uh, yeah, right... So you read every little thing as a symptom... Guess what? Me, too!

You have a LOT going on in your life right now. You have stopped a medication that controls your hormones (Lordy Pete!) AND one for depression/anxiety in the last month, your body needs to swing back to "normal without drugs" and it won't be fast or too smooth... You're doing fine! Let the tears out, lean on your spouse...and keep on keeping on. It's all anyone really expects of you...have your feelings, deal with your feelings, and keep moving..

Take care, you aren't as crazy as you think you are.


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Girl, I am crazy with you! :lol: There are days that I do fine. Then there are days..........say if my Dad has some sort of ache or pain............all I can accomplish some days is to just sit and cry and type on the computer. Anything more than that, I just can't concentrate on it. (and I don't WANT to concentrate on anything) Becky's right, there are lots of things that you are adjusting to right now.........not just your Mom's cancer. Take care of yourself and cry when you need to. Despite what the old song says..........Big girls DO cry!! :wink:


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Andrea, I have ALWAYS hated roller coasters, and I hate this one that we are all on also. The tears come as a result of bottled up fears, tensions, day-to-day worries, responsibilities, etc. I've decided they are just going to come and the thing that can set them off isn't necessarily the big thing that just happened. Cry when you need to - it hurts like the dickens when you're doing it, but the next day, everything seems so much clearer, brighter, hopeful and less stressful. Don't know why that is. I guess if I did, I'd have some capital letters behind my name and I'd be making a whole lot more money than I am right now.

Hang in there, Kiddo.

God bless you,


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Ok, Andrea, now you broke the mood of your post. I really, really like the idea of losing calories with crying. I actually even have the sobbing thing down pat, and I bet that uses even more calories than straight-line crying. It's a lot easier to cry than exercise or eat less. If this works, I'm going to stop "choking back the tears". :lol:

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Oh my gosh Katie, you have me laughing! I can totally relate to your last paragraph of being pissed off about stupid things, then then feeling selfish that I'm mad about something stupid when other's truly have something to be mad about, and then the end I start crying, wailing even over my mom! I follow ya...That is totally how it is day to day for me!!! Ahhh, I feel peace for 5 minutes today because you wrote what you wrote and I now feel a bit normal.

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Nat, speaking of laughing, you made my mom laugh. I told her that someone compared a cat dying to you losing your mom and my mom just burst out laughing hysterically and wondering just how dumb people can be. She literally cracked up.

We both commented on how we admire you for not telling that person off. I explained that you made a good point that if we told everyone who said dumb thingms off, no one would want to be around us. My mom said you are a brave girl, that makes sense, and to tell you to call and vent to me and share those crazy stories so we can laugh at the world together and not scare people away :)

Although sometimes, it might be fun to chase certain people away. Heehee

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