shelliemacs Posted June 2, 2004 Share Posted June 2, 2004 I was not going to post any of this. I did not want to upset anyone or scare anyone. But I need help, I need support, I am emotionially done. I have asked my husband to either commit me or get me deep help. I can't keep it up anymore. Dad is failing fast, real fast. He was released again from the hospital Saturday afternoon after the bone scan tested positive for mets to the ribs. They told us they could not help him until Tuesday because of the holiday. He became delusional and violent about sunday afternoon. He grabbed me around the throat at one point becuase I was trying to give him his pain meds. He doesn't know whats happening, where he is, who we are, or hos own strength still. He became verbally abusive to his two grandchildren by my sister and they both cried. We tried to explain to them that this isn't grandpa anymore but i am not sure they understood. he was having a brain MRI today to see if the severe delusions and pain were from brain mets but 1 hour before the test, he was yelling that we were in mexico and the doctors were trying to kill him. I called the onc. and he told me to get him to the ER. I did. now he is back admitted, EXTREMELY dehydrated, has not eaten food since last saturday, no fluids since monday. he is very confused and unbalanced and they have him on a bed alarm. he told us he hates us for bringing him back to the hospital when he only has a few days to live. he said we are rotten and never wants to see us again. we try to talk to him and he covers his face as if to say get out i don't want to know you anymore. he is mean to the nurses and were still here waiting for the MRI results. I know he will be filled with brain mets, i don't know what else can be causing this. his brother keeps telling us we (me really) didn't take good enough care of him and let him get like this. we should have done more for him and gotten him better care. I feel about as big as a flea. I have been put down before but not like this. I am without hope and feel like this is all my fault that dad is like this. I haven't slept since saturday, i sit up and listen for him at night to move around. i went to the pharmacy yesturday to fill some MSContin for him and his brother who was watching him let him take the wrong medications that I had put away instead of the pain pills I had left out on the counter with a big note that says for pain take these only. his family said they are going to sue us for his estate since we dont deserve it because of the lousy care we gave and got for him. at this point i don't care, i can't cry anymore, i am exhausted, i am so damn tired and just done with cancer. I am just done. if i had to guess i would say dad has days, he looks like mom did at the end last august. I didn't think I gave him bad care, just last week they were yelling at me that I was smothering dad and not letting him be himself. Now its the opposite. I can't win for trying. i don't even know why I am writing this, i just need someones support, please anyone, help me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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