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relay for life tonight


kimblanchard

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I am headed out to an American Cancer Society Relay for Life tonight. I decided that I could volunteer at that. I definitely did not have the energy or inclination to put together a team and try and raise the $1000 they ask for. So I negotiated a few hours of volunteering in exchange for a candle for Becky. They wanted me to make a donation, but I told them no. If I am going to donate money or ask my friends to donate money, it is going to be to cure lung cancer and not to stop smoking campaigns. I don't want to get a whole thing going again. I understand the value of the stop smoking campaigns, but they would have done nothing for us. So I am conflicted about the ACS, and so I am not giving them money nor asking my friends for it.

I went to an organizational meeting the other night, led by two ridiculously happy women. I have always been a curmudgeon, even if I am too young for the title, so this was not a reaction because Becky has died; I would have disliked their effusive happiness anyway. And I really don't want to be preached to by 23 year olds. Live a little first, then come talk to me, that's my motto. Anyway, they were completely unprepared for somebody who didn't think the ACS was the greatest organization in the history of civilization. I was quiet; I usually avoid conflicts like these that serve little purpose. I am happy the ACS exists, I guess, and I am glad there are people like these because they are necessary to get these events going. So the last thing I want to do is rain on their parade.

Anyway, when it came out that my wife had died of cancer, one of the happy women told me I should organize a team. I said simply that I don't raise money for the ACS. It is my great pet peeve that people will not leave well enough alone. But this was one of those happy women. So she pressed on. Why not? I am conflicted about the ACS and so if I am going to pass a hat to my friends, which I have already done a lot of recently, I am going to make sure it is an organization that I am not conflicted about supporting. Still, I thought, a very unemotional answer that made it clear, I thought, that this was a well-reasoned decision and not likely to be changed over quesadillas and fruit salad. But, lo, the happy woman wanted to change the world, starting with me and then. So she asked me why I am conflicted. I looked down at my bracelet - WWBD - what would Becky do? - yes I am irreverent, too, but that is part of my charm - thought about what Becky would do, then decided to completely ignore it and let this poor girl have it.

And so I gave her the diatribe. About how I thought all of the focus on smoking really made things worse for actual patients because it reinforced the unconcious tendency people have for thinking that we deserve it if we smoked. Made it easier to find other priorities for our health care dollars and just give up on the current patients. It went on for a while, but y'all know too well what I was saying, so there is no need for it here.

So in a couple of hours, I am headed off to fill up paper bags with sand and candles. Then I am organizing the volleyball tournament for the teams members not currently on the track. Then I will skip out on the survivor party; I don't think I am ready for a pep rally about how we are winning the fight on cancer. Maybe someday. But I will have to believe it, first. And I don't now. And then I will come back for the lighting of the candles. And light one for Becky.

Curtis

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Dear Curtis.

I applaud your candor. I really thought I was the only person in the world who felt the way you describe so eloquently. I never comment on the ACS because it is such a "sacred cow" in the world of cancer.

Thank You Again, Dave S

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Curtis

Thank you so much for being in a place to say what I would have liked to say if I were in your place and had the opportunity to say it.

As a smoker, if I say it, people, I think, will just say that I am being defensive and in denial about my responsibility (if only they knew how badly I feel inside), so they will write off what I say.

Unfortunately, the same goes for ex-smokers.

And you CurtisG, I fear the smiling, happy girl might have wrote off what you said as coming from a grieving spouse--some kind of emotional outburst on your part, instead of seeing it as the well-thought out and reasoned arguement it is.

Mindsets, especially nationwide mindsets, are hard to break.

Keep trying. All of us. Keep trying.

Elaine

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I agree with you completely, BLT. The ACS does a lot of good things, and that is why I used the word conflicted. I do not think them evil or even bad. And now that my number one concern about lung cancer is protecting my daughter for it, I am interested in minimizing the chances of her smoking and minimizing the number of smokers around her.

But ....

And that it why I don't give them money. There are enough things I can support that don't create such buts.

Curtis

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Curtis,

I am glad that you spoke up to the clueless cheerleader, someone who has obviously never noticed that life is not fair and not all "survivor" stories are truly happy. I think, Curtis, that Becky still IS a survivor, even though she has left the earth to become one with the universe. If you can still hear her and stick up for her, she is STILL surviving.

Sometimes, people have their heart in the right place but their head is somewhere else entirely. Said cheerleader should not have pushed, and I applaud you for tolerance at first and the WWBD moment that you had and being able to speak your thoughts AND add a positive spin. You gave your time so their event will go well, you did NOT support them financially as you have a difference of opinion.

I agree with you, more money needs to be spent on research, NOT on smoking cessation projects. Public service notices on the dangers of smoking have been ongoing for years - and it doesn't seem to stop anything, keep previously non-smokers from lighting up or kids from thinking that smoking is "grown-up" and "Da Bomb". Quite a few of us would be here whether there was a worldwide smoking ban or not...THAT in itself needs some research.

Keep going, Curtis. One day at a time, one battle at a time, one crisis at a time. I will light a candle for your Becky at our Relay for Life next month.

Take care,

Becky

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Curtis

I agree wholeheartedly. We are going through a similar struggle with our local Cancer Council. They obviously do some good through their campaigns and research and education, but they also do harm through a poorly run chat room which does not allow members to discuss alternative therapies. The postings are viewed and edited by staff before being put on the board. My sister and I are having a real issue with this at present, and are conflicted about continuing to support them through events such as Relay for Life, when we so strongly disagree with certain aspects of the organisation.

Good for you for speaking your mind.

Karen

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Curtis,

I am with you entirely. I have not yet participated in the relay as I am not in agreement with the ACS position on lung cancer. Having a history of melanoma and a family history of breast cancer, I feel the ACS has its place but it does not do lung cancer any justice and actually contributes to the stigma and disparity in funding suffered by lung cancer historically.

I hate it when people preach to my children about smoking causing lung cancer. She is eight years old and so confused about why I have this when I keep telling her that not all lung cancer is caused by smoking and that smoking is bad for health - PERIOD.

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I don't have information to comment on what ACS does for lung cancer, but I do know this. Anyone can do anything they want at Relay which is nice. So anyone can show up at Relay for FREE, raise no money, just show up and display a sign or wear a sign or do anything to express yourself about how wrong the stigma is :)

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I had a nice time at the relay. All of the comments have been exactly right. I skipped out for some dinner while they were doing the survivor pep rally part, but came back for the memorial service or whatever. I stood by Becky's candle and cried. Nobody bugged me during the night. There were enough people there that I could be alone, which was nice.

So all in all it was a positive experience.

Curtis

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