JohnSis Posted June 7, 2004 Share Posted June 7, 2004 Hello again, WOW What an experience. When I logged on to this site for the first time, I had been stewing in a world of confusion, fear, pain, frustration, sorrow, helplessness, but most of all ignorance for over 48 hours. I am single and do not have a significant other. I was alone, I was praying, for clarity. Then here I was. I know God lead me here. I am sorry for posting my anger and frustraion out here. And even sorrier to those who thought it was directed at them, or this group directly, hardly. I was not doing well. I would never write anything to hurt someone on purpose. I was more angry at cancer than anything, and most of you realized it. I call you my Angels now. Bruce when I read "I know how you feel", I knew that you really did, Shirleyb everything you wrote was helpful and loving, Rich-dadstimeon, what a guy, very cool, SharonR you are a very smart woman, your ego is in tact, you knew it wasn't about you, and didn't let me get away, Peggy-stand4hope, another beautiful soul who knew I needed to be here, CindyRN made sure to post again also, expressing your concern, Jamie I hear you, and KatieB you are beautiful inside and out, you are an inspiration, your compassion, intelligence, also swept me off my feet. I am so grateful for this group of Angels who were able to see clearly I needed to be here, but maybe I was afraid of what I was going to find out. Whatever caused you to write to me the second time and calm my fears came from above, I believe He sent you after me because I was running. If all of your respnses would've been like DavidC, Fay, DavidP, Frank, ChloesMom, J.C., Elaine, I would never of returned, but then again if that would've beeen the only kind of response I got, I doubt this forum would exist. Just for the record I never once even for a second thought about shaming my brother for smoking. No perception involved there J.C. and Elaine, maybe that's an issue of yours, but not mine. The only reason I stated it was because I had noticed under everyones names it said smoker or non-smoker, that was only one of the few facts I did have to tell you. DavidC took time out to take my inventory 3 times, no it's not a hotline, it's better. You see I belong to a forum quite similar to this. Since 2001 I have been a member of an ostomy forum. Very much the same, and also totally different. I could never presume to know what or who a person is by what they wrote in a time of crisis. You intentionally tried to hurt me 3 times? I will pray for you. Back to the beautiful, loving responses, wow thank you Betty, Becky-Snowflake , Rochelle-Ry,Bill, Cathy, Laurie, Addie,Ginny-Ginnnyd, Paddy, Don Wood, Ellen, and Lamb Last. You are all angels sent to help me and show me compassion and love. I am a strong believer in God and I know all of you were sent to give me the words that came out. Because first of all I am no longer a mess, and through all of the info and suggestions you gave me, everything is as good as it could possibly get. I can't believe it. I wanted fast action, I got it. I didn't respond sooner because after I put together the information, and really understood, so much more, I called my SIL and told her I would never come there unannounced. She said she didn't mean to be mean but that it was his wish that I not drive the distance. But if I was coming he would love to see me. I also shared many of My Angels' posts with her, she was really impressed. I made sure to tell her that I will be available at any time to help with anything, I have my own place to stay, and no longer feel like my brother was given a death notice. I expressed to her how we have to have hope, and be positive about his cancer. Then she confided that she wasn't hopeful at all, and that she told my nephew to come home because she feels he will be dead within the next 3 to 4 months. If I wouldn't of read so many of your profiles I would'nt of said anything. But I told her everyone is different people go into remission, maybe not for 10 years but 6 months even would be more than she is anticipating. I told her to try to keep positive for him, and for herself that she has to take care of herself also. She told me she would love to have me come stay and help her. I could've never known to say any of that if it weren't for My Angels. You all spread some real hope, I also told her how guilt is a big part of this dx. She couldn't believe it. So that is all fine for now. He was dx 4 weeks ago, I have learned some of this but not sure about the latter part. My SIL said his dx was small cell 4th stage something about an "OAT", it is in some lymph nodes none to brain. She said she would write it down from the paper. Maybe you all can get an idea from this. She said it's almost the worst that you can have. I told her we aren't sure of that yet. Was I right? I hope so. I have also got my letter that many of you suggested I write, my SIL thought that was a great idea. So I can never repay you all for the love and concern you have shown me, not to mention the knowledge to allow me to be a positive part of this situation. I will keep you informed. You are all in my prayers. God Bless "My Angels", and everyone on this forum. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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