Guest makwa_04 Posted June 10, 2004 Share Posted June 10, 2004 Was not going to post this, but now am going to . After all i can hide behind the screen right?? senerio and brief line up when i first found out i was sick, i called a long time friend anfd family Ive known them 30 years..... I knew her husband and the kids and the whole passle of family. Now mind you yes this is a lady friend and NO its not romantic Just a close family friend ok?? Well long ago her husband gor lung cancer and had a heck of a battle with it It was long drawn out and painful for him... wel he passed I guess about 1980? I kept in contact with the family over the years, visiting them.. Calling when i could... activities when i was in the area... Just a close knit family ok?? They even booked a couple fishing trips off of me over the years. Well when i got sick i called her and her daughter and son in law {they all live same huge mansion house} Well she rushed to have coffe with me and bring me thes herbal herb cures and was telling me all was going to be well... Visited with her family, even stopped for dinner one evening... Over the weeks we been in close contact almost daily so to speak.. Well last week her daughter was "concerned" theis with me having cancer would make her relive her husblands passing and problems.... I kinda ignored it and continued on calling with my daily reports or them calling me.. Well in last week Ive noted a whole change of attitude form them.. I call now and she asks how i feel and i say whatever or not good.. And then she changes the subject to cooking or what they had for dinner or her latest book or her work ect ect Well this night I called not feeling well and just wnated someone to talk to in betewwn barfs and backpin.... not to compaline mind you... just to converse.. well right off the bat she changed the subject and i got the distinct inpression she wanted to get off the phone so i said we will talk later/ Is if possible her attitude is changing cause she is remmebering her husband bout with cancer through me?? These are nicce people mind you... I just dont know what to think...It was changed in a hurry to Well i had this for dinner {like i care} and it took 2 hrs to cook {agin like i care} Her whole attitude seems to have changed. Is it a self pertection mode for her??? she is not like this.. Im at a loss... I hung up feeling more worse than i did... Hell these so called close friends are dropping like flyis she did say call back tommorrow and let her know how I was doing... And she did say she drank a beer other night and it was the first time she felt good enough to smile since i told her of my plague. What am i doing wrong? This family is to close and ive known to long to act like that. Heck If this keeps up i wont have no christmas card list left.. And I really triggering bad memorys???? I just dont know.. what to think.. or if i even should Is this their way of writing me off as a goner? she sems real argumentive also.. not nor,al for her I didnt ask to talk to any of the other fmaily members. I was in shock to much to know what to do. heck this sickness and getting things balanced out if they can is bad enough without people doing this stuff. Im getting to not wanting to tell anybody anything I do know she did have a extremer hard time with her husbands loss.. she later remarried and he left.... now its her son, daughter in one huge house on a large farm is what I guess i will call it I feel like Im in the titanic at times.. I did note they have not botered to email last couple days.. but agin, have talked to them via phone. just dont know anymore Makwa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stand4hope Posted June 10, 2004 Share Posted June 10, 2004 Doggone it, Mawka, you're just getting it right and left aren't you? I guess I can only guess at what might be going on, but I'm sure others will have some other insights. I doubt very much that it is bothering her that much since it has been 24 years since her husband's death, especially since she was so helpful in the beginning and brought you the herbs and things. My guess is that they have probably realized that you are in great need and going to need a lot of help, both physically and financially. This is a very sad thought, but my first gut feeling was that they don't really want to get involved. I know that probably hurts, but that's my first impression. When something like this strikes, you find out who your really good friends are. I know this would be a very hard thing to do, but I would just ask her. Just tell her that you have noticed she is brushing you off and just ask her if she's afraid of having to help take care of you. I don't know if she will be honest with you right up front, but if that is what it is, she will think about it and hopefully come around and be a good friend and be there for you if you need her. Maybe you could get some open and honest communication going. Good luck on this one, Mawka. I will say an extra prayer for you tonight. God bless you, Peggy P.S. Did you make anymore calls today? Are there any large Christian churches in your area? The larger churches usually have more resources and people available that are more than willing to help out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margaret Posted June 10, 2004 Share Posted June 10, 2004 The friend of mine who took me for my broncoscopy had her husband die of lung cancer about 15 years prior. I asked her if it was too difficult to be so involved with my medical appointments because of such memories and she told me that she felt good because she knew something about the disease and was happy to help me in that way. So I guess what I would suggest is just come out and ask if that is the problem. I pray that you will find your friends and people you haven't even met yet will be available and willing to support you in this. There is a goodness in people and you will find that to be true...don't become discouraged. Prayers and blessings, Margaret Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest makwa_04 Posted June 10, 2004 Share Posted June 10, 2004 Well maybe the dughter talked to her. told them up front needed nothing just "support" im guessing she said something to the daughter and thats why the daughter mentioed to me I did write tonight stateing exactly what i though and maybe will hear back on it, just strange and it hit so quick to the bone. to be real honest, when this pain kicks up and the pills wear off. OI dont want to be around anyone anyway.. But I can see why so many people go into solitude during times like this. mind you Im not asking nothing of anybody..... just chatting ect almost like being a leaper in ole england makwa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Lamb Posted June 10, 2004 Share Posted June 10, 2004 Makwa, this is not an area of expertise to me.I think I would send chocolates and straight from the heart just ask where she is at what she is feeling.Then you could honor those wishes.GOOD LUCK Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remembering Dave Posted June 10, 2004 Share Posted June 10, 2004 Makwa, I'd just ask the lady straight up what is bothering her. Tell her you notice a change and what is bothering her and to let you know if this is too difficult for her so you'll know whether to back off a bit or whatever. It could be that her daughter, being protective, told her Mom to back off from you. I think getting things out in the open and off people's chest relieves alot of anxiety and stuff. But that's the way I am. Not everyone is so comfortable "letting it all hang out." Keep us posted, Karen C. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamie Posted June 10, 2004 Share Posted June 10, 2004 Im sure that it was devastating for your close friend to hear that you had this horrible disease after her husband, but I would think the initial shock and pulling back would have happened from the get go. Im not sure what to think about what is going on. Maybe try and step back and see if she calls, and if she brings up how you feel. If she does, I think its safe. If not, maybe ask her how she feels about all of this. Hope this helps... Jamie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted June 10, 2004 Share Posted June 10, 2004 I just dont know what to think...It was changed in a hurry to Well i had this for dinner {like i care} and it took 2 hrs to cook {agin like i care} Her whole attitude seems to have changed. Makwa, Maybe she's beginning to feel the friendship is one-sided on the give and take? You told her about your day and when she discussed hers, look at what you put in the brackets.... I know that you are going through a lot on your own and the friends you have are very dear to you - just remember that they have life situations as well. Just as life for you doesn't "stand still" while you deal with this disease, it continues to spin for others, as well. Bad news didn't stop in our household while we were trying to get a handle on coping with this disease, in fact, I believe some of it was coming in faster and harder... Continue to take the time to nurture your friendships and be there for your friends as well. You could have discussed her issues - be they not life-threatening, they were important to her. Just my thoughts... Take care, Becky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhutch1366 Posted June 10, 2004 Share Posted June 10, 2004 Makwa, Everyone is entitled to a sounding board. One of the reasons we here are so tight is that in dumping all the cancer concerns here ( and the prayers, and the love, I know, y'all...) is that it spares the others from the brunt of some of the emotional candor. I'm sorry your friend is backing off.. Funny thing, I found that those who were standing on their heads for me when I was really ill have vanished... gone back to their lives..... but that's okay. They were here being angels when I needed them. I hope you and your friend can come to terms that work. You sound like you really miss her. And Becky had a point -- ask her what's going on with her, treat her like she has important feelings and thoughts and activities.... Sometimes its just enough to have someone to hang out with, and not be so lonely. XOXOXOXOX Prayers, MaryAnn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tess Posted June 11, 2004 Share Posted June 11, 2004 Your friend probably has enough problems of her own to deal with, and sometimes people get tired of hearing about some elses problems, especially if they can't really help them. It gets depressing..... Maybe you should call a little less often and then you will have more to talk about.?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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