Beautiful Wedding and mixed emotions

[lilyjohn]

Hello again all of my friends

The wedding was Friday night and it was so beautiful. My granddaughter was a beautiful bride and my pride in her was very overwhelming emotionally. Just watching her mother being walked down the isle made the tears flow. I remember so well the day she married my son. All of my children and grandchildren had a part in the wedding. It seems so unreal that they have grown so much. Wasn't it just yesterday that they were all babies?

Anyone who has ever attended a Catholic wedding can attest to what a beautiful ceremony it is. When the bride and groom present the flowers to the mothers is always a very emotional part of the ceremony. Even without the song that always marked that part of the ceremony before, my emotions were at an all time high. I was just dissappointed to learn that the Catholic church would no longer allow the song "Turn around"to be a part of the ceremony. I can't imagine their reasoning behind that. That song states the true feelings of any parent or grandparent who watches as a child is married for it turly feels as if the are babies and you turn around and they have babies of their own. I guess now they only want church songs because some will go to extremes in the music they select. Just one more sign of the times.

I am enjoying being with my family but still in some ways I feel like I am a seperate part of them looking on at a life that no longer belongs to me. There is so much about me that they just don't see. I live in two seperate worlds, the one they know and the one that they could never possibly know or understand. That is more evident as each day passes.

I had the overwhelming need for Johnny to be with me for the wedding. I know how much he would have loved being there. He was always so proud for me of the way my children treat me. He always told me how lucky I was and that he knew it was because of my influence that they are such special people. I think the hardest part for me was at the reception when they played the song for the first dance between the bride and groom. The song they played was Amazed. I remember how often I thought of that song when Johnny and I were together especially on one very special night that we shared. I had to fight the tears and hoped that if anyone saw them I could explain them as part of the emotions of seeing Alison as a new bride.

I came on here and saw the news about MO passing first thing yesterday morning. It was a very sad thing to see especially so soon after such a beautiful occasion. She like so many friends I have seen on here will be sadly missed.

I talked to Johnny's daughter-in-law and learned that his son had a bad scare about his health. The news is not as bad as it could have been but I do worry about him. That is really hard for me because I have so many bad feelings about his treatment of Johnny, yet I know that Johnny loved him so much how can I not love him too? So you see I may have come a long way in this last year but some things never change. I am still harboring a lot of confusing emotions.

I will tell you that my belief that Johnny is still with me is stronger than ever. I have had a couple of experiences that can not be denied. One morning on the train I was feeling especially low and looked out the window to see a sign that said Fields road. Then while we were decorating the hall for the reception on Thursday once again the very strong smell of coffee brewing came to me. There was no coffee being made and no one had coffee with them. I know it was Johnny letting me know that he is with me. When I finally got to bed at nearly 3am after the wedding I took his shirt(I felt that I had to have something of his with me)out and for the first time in weeks his scent was on it again. I could swear too that I felt him touch me on the hip. I slept like someone who was drugged despite the fact that I never had a drink at the wedding. I do and have to believe that Johnny still sees my deepest needs and lets me know he is with me when I need him most.

I did enjoy a big crab boil last night. If there is one thing good that Louisiana has besides my loved ones it is good sea food. I intend to take advantage of that fact as often as I can.

So that is how things are going for me now. I still have nearly two more weeks here before I head for home. I will certainly hate leaving my family behind but I do miss my home and of coarse Misty. Seems like for some reason my life always has and always will be about leaving parts of me scattered from one corner of this country to another. Still I feel very fortunate to know and have known such deep love. Love, the word that defines what life is all about. No other emotion can bring such happiness and so much pain.

My love to all of you. Please stay well and I will look forward to chat time with a lot of anticipation. I am so glad to see that Bobmac is back. To the rest of you I say thank you for being there you have all proven to be such dear friends. Lillian

[shirleyb]

Lillian,

I am so glad to see your post. I am thankful for the time you have with your family and the enjoyment you get from seeing them again.

You have been in my thoughts and prayers.

Take care girl.

shirleyb

[jamie]

Lillian,

Sounds like you had a great time at that wedding. I was also married Catholic, and it is a beautiful thing. I know that our loved ones stick around...they may only give small signs, but it makes sense that they would be around most when we need them. Have fun for the next two weeks, we will all be here when you get back!

Jamie

[Guest bean_si (Not Active)]

Lillian,

I'm glad that you 'heard' from your husband. The wedding sounds very poignant. I can't imagine why they wouldn't play the song "Turn Around." That song always brings me to tears. How in the name of heaven, did time go so fast.

Good to see you back.

Cat