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god hates me


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i am in absolute shock and IF any sort of god exists, he hates me.

10 days since dads death, just 10. my sister, my only sister was just told they found a 5 cm mass in her left breast and it doesn't look good.

i know cancer and how it works, i hold out NO hope, i am going to loose the entire family to cancer and GOD allowed it to happen.

i don't care who I offend at this point with this post. I don't believe in any god anymore.

he has done nothing for me but take my entire family away.

i am done.

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I have some idea of how you feel. I wish I knew something to say that would help in some way.

I believe that we can lay this more at the feet of Man than God. We have free will, and some folks have used that free will in ways that have poisoned the environment. Genetic mutations passed from one generation to another. You come from what the docs (at one of the cancer centers I went to) refer to as a Cancer Family...as do I. And I am so very, very sorry for us both.

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Guest bean_si (Not Active)

You don't offend me Shelly. When life punches, kicks, drags and drops you, what are you expected to feel?

Anyone who finds fault with how you feel needs to stop hanging around in Hallmark shops.

Today after seeing the results of my tests, I will honestly and unshamedly say that I said the same thing.

I've told you before how much you remind me of my daughter. She is going through this with me and it rips my heart out. I will give anything to protect her and you from what you have experienced.

I'm sorry that I can't. Just know that you are reacting in a very human way and if there is a God, He or She can hardly blame you.


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Shelly, sweetie, I don't have any magic words. I truly understand how you feel and in no way condemn or blame you. You have been through more in less than 1 year than most people in their lifetimes.

We are here for you big time, Shelly. We love you.

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So sorry to hear your news and about your last year. I will pray for you and your sister. I know this probably doesn't help, but they are able to do a lot more with breast cancer these days. I am praying for your sister's full recovery.

P. S. I was just thinking today, I wish this was all a bad dream that I am going to wake up from. Like J. R. in the shower! Take care. We are here for you.

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Shelly I am so sorry. I know he is strong and understanding enough to handle your anger. I also know he has tears in his eyes to see you so hurt for he loves you. We love you. Donna G

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I am so sorry that you are faced with yet another overwhelming challenge and, especially, sorry that you feel abandoned. You may feel terribly alone right now, but you are not alone. We all stand ready to support you.

Peace to you,


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Shelly, I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. I think at

some point in life we have all felt as you are feeling. I have been there

last year was a doozy. In Jan.03 lost an uncle with complications in

surgery. March 03 I lost my mom to lung cancer in June 03 my sons best

friends four year old brother was killed by lightining. July 03 a friend was

killed in a automobile accident. In Sept. 03 my daughters friend 19

committed suicide. My aunt was killed in a automobile accident my uncle

was critical from the same accident { He is now much better }. My sister

was diagnosed with a heart condition a brother with cirosis of the liver

and congestive heart failure and my great neice 3 at the time with

juvinille diabetes. Oct. 03 neighbor / friend passed from cancer. Dec.03

my dog lost 8 of 9 puppies. I was so glad to see the year 2003 be gone

for the entire year was full of loss and sadness. Only to lose the same

dog who had puppies in Feb. 04 in surgery to be fixed. March 04 my

husband of 21 years became ill and doctors thought it may be cancer.

It was not thank goodness only a cyst / infection. You bet I have

questioned god more than a few times this past year and a half. I still

have my faith that there is a reason for why things happen even if at

times it seems so un-fair. Haylee

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Shelly, Right now there is nothing I can say that will make you feel better... I know this... but, I am here, I am praying and I am thinking of you. Don't bury your sister yet - she is not gone she needs you behind her in order to fight... I love you... Sharon

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Dearest Shelly

:cry: I was sooooo hoping that what you feared was not true. First, let's just catch our breath. Take a deep breath. o.k. now, it is possible that it is not breast cancer. My mother in law had a mass to show up on her breast. She even had some inverting of her nipple. They did surgery to remove it. It was benign.( Please, God, let it be the same for Shelly's sister. )

Shelly, I understand what you mean by God hating you.............but, sweetie, I promise you that God does not hate you. God loves you Shelly! He has given you incredible strength to go through what you have been through. I'm like Fay A...............man creates lots of problems here on earth.

I am praying for you dear! I will try to give you a call. We'll have a good cry together.



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Miss Shelley,

You are so strong, you have been through so much and you still have fight left in you. Just my opinion here - this is more stress than a normal person can bear, go to the doctor and get some drugs, if you are already on drugs, tell them what is happening and get more drugs. Whatever it takes to support you, to get you through this. (No offenxe)

And on a more positive note, you are taking this the worst way because of all you have been through, of course you expect the worst. But in reality, it is not the worst. It is a new diagnosis, a new course of treatments, anything may happen and you are due for some luck. This could be okay, too soon to tell. It is your own fear and sadness that are overwhelming you???

As for God, he didn't do this, probably not. And in my own opinion, the worst that can happen is though you miss your parents so badly, and you and they went through so much, they truly are okay now. They are their best selves, living surrounded with love, and together with each other and so many whom they lost in their lives. When my father passed, I could just imagine his Mother meeting him, the person he loved most in the world. It was a powerful comforting thought. But I digress.

It is too soon to know how this will turn out. But you have been powerfully afflicted this past year, you need some time to heal, even if it is with some chemical help. You need time.

I am so sorry for your troubles. I hope something here has helped and nothing has hurt. Please forgive me if it did.

I want the best for you. Bless you and may you find some minutes at least of peace tonight.


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I am speechless and so angry at life and am dumbfounded about how all of this could happen. Do you know for sure if it is malignant? I pray and hope it is a begnin old lump and brings no problems!

Please please let us know. And also knkow that we all love you and care about you so much.

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Oh Shelly, I am so sorry this is happening to you. I have several friends that are 15+ year survivors of breast cancer, even the most aggresive kind. There is hope.

Maybe you could make an appointment with a therapist - maybe it would help to have someone see you through this. Shelly, don't quit, please stay with us - we all love you. My heart is breaking for you and I just hope and pray that things will get better for you soon.

Love and a big hug,

Nancy B

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Im gonna tell you my story just so you know that your not alone...and that God dosent hate you...

In 1 1/2 years, weve lost my father in law to a freak virus (he was only 46), my favorite person, my great grandmother, my grandfather (who suffered from ALS and died a very slow death, and then my Dad was dx'd with LC. I SOOOO know how you feel. Death seems to be all around me. But someone said it best... your sister is not dead, been diagnosed. Wait till you hear more of what is going on.

God only gives us as much as we can handle. It will be OK, were here for you...


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Oh, Shelly, I can't believe it either.

But remember Job? He suffered horribly because God bet the devil that Job would remain faithful. Job is a real tough read in the bible, but tells us a lot about what God might expect of us.

I think of God and trials like this: God is like a father. And just like a parent brings a child to the doctor for vaccinations which cause pain, God does/allows things which cause us pain. And just like a child cannot understand why Mommy and Daddy allow the doctor to hurt, we cannot understand why God allows life to hurt. But I have faith that God has a plan, even though it's far beyond my comprehension.

Go ahead and be angry at God for awhile - He's big enough to take it. And see a doctor about getting help in dealing with the mountain of trials. I pray your sister will be ok, and that you will find some relief from the trials you have faced.

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