god hates me

[gail]

Dear Shelley,

It's nasty and it's horrible. I wish we could all blow it away.

When I was diagnosed with the lung cancer (my third), I was sure that God hated me too. Why else would he keep letting this happen? Was i such a nasty person that I got 3 primary cancers in 11 years? It has taken me three years of therapy and anti depressents to decide that god isn't against me.

I can pray that you find some serenity somewhere.

gail

PS If I can be a support for your sister, please let me know. I've had it all with the breast cancer.

[Cindy RN]

Dear Shelly-I am so sorry you have had so much to deal with BUT each trial will give you strength for the next. I PROMISE! God Promises too.

You may feel like He is not there but He is. You must start all over and I know that feels like the weight of the world --just know that God will help you hold up that weight.

We are here. Vent all you need. You will get thru this and your sister needs you now. You have gained wisdom and your strength will be a Godsend to her at this time.

We love you-Just put one foot in front of the other and after awhile you will be running again.

love Cindy

[Nushka]

Dear Shellie,

I can't even imagine how you must feel right now. I am so sorry you are going through all of this...but your sister isn't dead and there is a great chance she will live for a very long time. You need to cry and take deep breaths .....and then try to be there for your sister. You have been such a strong person all of this time and I am sure you are strong enough to see this thing through. You are not alone...we are all here for you and I believe God sees your pain and loves you even more. Please stay with us...you need a place to "let it all out" and this is a great place to do just that. Again, I am sorry that you are in such pain....if there is anything I can do just yell.

Nina

PS, and no, I am not offended at all. I have felt the very same way when my parents died.

[Jana_W]

Oh geeze, Shelly. My heart breaks for you. I cannot even begin to imagine how you must be feeling. This absolutely sucks. I think God has mistaken you for someone else. This is too unfair. I am thinking of you and hoping for you have all the strength and love you need. Hoping that the news is better for your sister than what you are fearing.

I am so sorry sweetie.

Jana

xxxx

[Fall54]

Shelly,

I wasent going to post as what I say , I know you dont want to hear. I am going to say it anyway.

My belief is that God causes none of this, but is there when a person passes away and guides them to Heaven. Please, Please dont blame God. He does not have the capacity to hate.

God Bless you and your family,

Jane

[berisa]

Shelly, I have nothing to say on what is happening. This is totally frustrated and I understand you will question about the existence of GOD. I hope this is a benign that surgery will totally take care of it.

For the worst scenario, please know that there is many treatment options that are very effective on breast cancer. Breast cancer is not equal to DEADLY disease.

I heard from my previous pastor that we all christians have to make a prayer for isolating the past sins from our ancestors to ourselves that the devil cannot harm us for generations. I don't know whether you understand or whether you think this is a good timing to tell you. But I think this is certainly the devil's work on your family.

I pray to God to protect you and your whole family away from Devil's hand and work. May God keep you safe and give you confidence even a mustard seed like.

[J.C.]

Shelley,

Words are hard to find to help you.

You had an overflowing cup presented to you.

Don't blame you at all for having too many ''WHY????

and no answer.

Just want to say we are here for you.

J.C.

[kimblanchard]

Shelly,

I am so sorry to read your post. It just keeps coming doesn't it. You have every right to feel the way you do. I hope with some time you'll find some comfort. I'm praying for you and your sister....There have been times in our family that I've stood in the kitchen and said, "SHHHH! I think I hear a flock of locust approaching!" What could be next. Hang tough, we're with you.

[betplace]

(((Shelly)))))

[lilyjohn]

Shelly I understand completely how you feel. I won't go into all of my losses but believe me I have felt the same way. At times I still wonder why I have had to endure so much loss. I feel like I have been singled out to never know peace or happiness for long. I will tell you tho that I do believe in God and don't think he would cause us such pain. I have learned as someone else said we live in a world where man is in charge and man is not always dependable. Sometimes I think the storms we see are God weeping for His Earth that has fallen so low that suffering is becoming so common. Hang in there Shelly and know that there are many who not only understand but have felt the same as you do.

[dave s]

My Dear Shelly,

I am so sorry to hear this. I probably should not write this but I too have felt and still feel to a large extent, the acrimony you describe. I have felt this way with signficantly less adversity than you presently bear.

I so admire the many on this board who's profound faith prevails regardless of circumstance. It seems most here have had their faith strengthened by the adversity. Not so for me. I wish I could feel the faith of others on this board, but I cannot.

I wish for both of us to find the profound faith others here have found for it would surely be a great source of comfort.

All of my best wishes go out to you,

Dave S

[-Cheryl-]

Shelie,

Yesterday was the funeral for a 10 year old boy I was seeing for sexual abuse. He was killed in a car accident. My heart is heavy for his mother and sibblings. Only 10 years of life. I don't understand God, and do also get mad at him too. Here I am angry that I have cancer.....Yet, I am 44 years old, not 10. I have had a chance to live life a little, and hope that I still have more life to live. I guess I just want you to know that life is fragile and precious. Life is a gift, and although I don't understand God, I am mad at this disease for taking my loved ones and friends, more than I am God.

Yesterday, when I saw this child lying his coffin, I thought "how lucky I have been." The things I have experienced that he will not. The places I have been that he will not. Shellie, I am not telling you to not be hurt and to not be angry. You certainly have every right. But, there are those out there who have never had a mom or a Dad. And there are those who unfortunately died at just 10 years of age. I know it is difficult to understand God's ways, but know that God does love you Shellie. It is o.k. to hate him right now. He is your father and loves you regardless.

Take Care,

Cheryl

[Addie]

It's always harder to find understanding or comforts when we feel we're on such emotional overload. Each of us must find out own way thru such times....and Shelly, I just wish for you to find some peace and acceptance in all that has been happening around you.

I will keep you and your sister in my prayers...but please try to stay positive about your sister's prognosis...as things may turn out much better than they seem at the moment. For both your sakes...I hope that is the case!

Thinking of you...understanding your hurt and confusion....and hoping for the very best outcome for your sis.

[DeanCarl]

Shelley,

You and I both know that words aren't enough at times like these .. but ..

I am absolutely SURE that God doesn't hate you. But go ahead and get mad at Him anyway. He's big enough to handle it. I know this to be true. I've spent many hours telling Him what I thought of Him and how He's running things.

Hope: Sometimes "hope" is simply hanging on by the fingertips. If that is what you have to do now ... then do it.

Breast Cancer: Your sister is NOT dead yet. Period. End of statement. This is a different disease with different treatment options and a different prognosis. Yes, the experiences you've had seem to lead to one conclusion for this. But guess what? You may just be wrong this time.

Finally, since my arms aren't 3000 miles long I gotta do it this way:

((((((Shelley))))))

Dean

[Guest bean_si (Not Active)]

Shelley,

I am absolutely SURE that God doesn't hate you. But go ahead and get mad at Him anyway. He's big enough to handle it.

Dean

AMEN!

When I spouted the words "God must hate me" yesterday, it was emotion caused by shock and grief and fear. Somewhere inside I KNEW and I FELT that God reached down and patted my shoulder, telling me, "It's okay. I promise. It's okay to scream at me. I will never disown you. I will never leave you even if you can't feel my presence and you tell me you hate me."

It's okay to feel anger. It's okay to feel resentment and grief and despair.

The devil isn't going to get you. God is not gonna disown you.

Oh, Shelly, think about going to see the movie SAVED this week. It's not what you expect. I have a feeling you'll understand the teens in that show. (And it has nothing to do with your age).

Cat

[kimblanchard]

Love to you my dear.

I don't understand any of this.

Peg

[elnodel]

Dear Shelly,

I’m relatively new to the board and therefore someone who doesn’t know you, but I wanted to let you know how terribly sorry I am that you’re in this situation and how much I understand your feelings. Anger is absolutely the only response at a time like this…but it won’t last.

I don’t share the faith of many of the wonderful people on this board, and I’m not at all sure the G_d sends us nothing more than we can bear – I think of all of those who have been inundated with a great deal more than anyone could bear (all you have to do is consider the horrors that have been perpetuated over the 20th century and continue to go on in this one – cancer, horrible though it is, is only one of the monstrosities that humankind has had to put up with).

But it is true, for the most part, -- even though this is just another old cliché -- that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger…eventually. Otherwise tragedy wouldn’t be the compelling genre that it is. Not much comfort at this point, but eventually it may help you not accept but at least come to terms with all the sh--.

I too am hoping for the best outcome for your sister – the odds are on her side. Make sure you take care of yourself at this point – you’ve got to stay strong for your sister and yourself. We’re all here rooting for you.

Ellen

[Katester]

I've been negligent about thanking God more than blaming him my whole life.

Six years ago I had a mass removed from my left breast that "didn't look good" and it was benign. Try as hard as it may be to be positive about the outlook for your sister. If it is cancer, they have come great strides in breast cancer survival and cure. I personally know several women who have had breast cancer and have been treated and been cancer free for well over 10 years for all of them.

I wish you and your sister well. Don't give up on her....

Kate

[Don Wood]

Shelly, there are a lot of people here who care about you and hurt for you, including me. Don

[TeeTaa]

Oh Shelly. Life is so unfair. And if that "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" stuff is true, I want you on my side if I'm ever in a fight. You'll have more strength than anyone I know.

I'm shaking my head in disbelief at your misfortune. I just wish there was something I could do.

Love,

TeeTaa

[Guest KellyB]

Shelly, Your post saddens me so Lots of Hugs and prayers. Your sister needs support and positive thinking, use the strength of your parents legacies to give it to her. Life is unfair and Bad things happen to Good people all the time. I do not have answers, God has a plan.

Kelly B