Fall54 Posted June 18, 2004 Share Posted June 18, 2004 I have put off writing this since I returned home on Wed. following Alan's funeral. As you all know I left a short post that I was headed out to Maine and things did not look good. I talked with God the whole way there (3 hours) and some extrodinary things happened. As I talked to him he seemed to answer me in song as my radio was on. I have always been most worried that Alan's faith may not be strong enough to get to Heaven. God reassured me that day on that ride that he indeed was going to Heaven. A ton of bricks was lifted from my shoulders and a song was placed within my heart. Alan was dx in the middle of January, and ever since that day I have wanted to make more memories with him. Things always seemed to get in the way of that. I got there Tuesday and it was 90 degees and humid. Alan was okay but getting weaker. Wed. it was again 90 degrees and his wife wanted to take a nap so Alan and I jumped in the car to turn on the AC and go for a ride. On that ride we talked, reminised, laughed, talked seriously, stopped and looked at beautiful rivers and streams etc., We did all the things I had wanted to do with him since January. The only draw back is that he was getting to weak to walk so we just rode and stopped as we liked. We were out for about 4 hours and then went to visit my other brother Gary that lives a town away from Alan. They had a wonderful visit also. I took Alan home about 9 PM and got him into bed with his wifes help. He then got sick to his stomach, but said he felt a lot better afterwards. I left to go back to Gary's as that is where I was staying. Thursday the heat had subsided, Alan did not get out of bed until 2:30 PM, which is very unlike him. He just seemed so tired. When he got up he came to the living room and sat up about an hour. He them wanted to lie on the couch. We put the oxygen on him as his chest was all purple. The oxygen cleared that all up but he remained on the couch. That evening we were meeting with Hospice. My brother Gary, his wife and myself were there with Alan and his wife during this visit. Alan could not stay awake so he headed down the hall to go to bed. On that walk he dropped to the floor on his butt saying he needed to rest. His wife got him to bed. Gary, his wife and I continued talking with the nurse. We left later and Alan was sleeping. The next day when I got to Alan's I went to his room to see him and he looked bad. I left the room and began to cry and called Gary who came right over. We spent the next 10 hours watching Alan pass from this world to the next. We talked with him and he was able to respond for a short while and then he became unresponsive. We kissed him over and over,held his hands, rubbed his arms and chest, his bald head and just tried to show him we were there. Gary even lied in bed next to him and talked with him. He knew we were there but was unable to respond. We neded to change his position hourly and we did as a team. I hydrated him with sponge sticks and he needed to be told to suck on it, which he did and then to swallow. He at one time said "more". He was extremelly thirsty and was thankful for the water as he kept going "mm mm": As the day wore on, he became less interested in drinking anything and had his eyes closed all the time. At one time many hours earlier he told Gary he loved him, later he told me. I just giggled to hear him say that even though I didnt need him too as I already knew that. I had given him a Jesus clock that plays "Amazing Grace" on the hour which he loved. Alan took his last breath at 10 PM June 11th 2004. "Amazing Grace" played just as he passed away. Gary and I were both holding his hand as he left us to be with God. I had told my husband when he was dx that when he passed away I knew I would be holding his hand. God gave me the gift of Wed with Alan before he was unable to go out again. He also gave me the gift of being with my brother throughout his transition and that I was holding his hand as he left us. I had asked Alan on Wed. If he were to pass away to please show me he was okay in the form of a butterfly. He said he would. During his dying process I whispered in his ear many times " Dont forget those butterflys". Today was the first time I sat outside and was only out there about 10 mins. when this amazingingly beautiful butterfly came out of nowhere and hovered in front of my husband and I. It went up high and then came back down again to show itself and away it flew. That was my sign. I am comforted by the facts that Alan died peacefully and painlessly at home. He was surrounded by love and knew we were there. I will miss him dearly here on Earth and he has taken a part of my heart with him to Heaven, but he will take good care of it. The healing begins here. Time is our great healer, and God is our Great Saviour. I love you Alan Always, Your sister and friend Jane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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