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Today is one month


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Hello all... Today marks the one month anniversary that my dad is gone. It has not been an easy 4 weeks at all. I miss him so much, yet I still think that I am in shock. I half expect him to walk through the door at any time. Its just not fair. How do you do it. Yesterday was Father's day AS WELL AS my daughter's 2nd birthday. You know I have memories of him beibng there when she was born, and now she will have to grow up not knowing who her grandfather was, except by stories and pictures. My mom, bless her is holding up as much as she can. She admits to me that she is only doing as well as she can each day, ahe goes to work, but thats all. I worry about her constantly.. I emailed her today and told her she needs to come home, although logivally I know that will not be possible for at least a year becuase of the settlement issues. Yesterday I was coming home from Home Depot and I saw this couple, about my parent's age, riding in an antique corvette with the top down. ITS JUST NOT FAIR, 62 is too damn young to die. They had so many plans for the future with my mom retiring soon, now all thjose plans are gone - just like that, poof! I hate this disease. I am just hurting so much because well frankly I feel cheated, just when I have a great relationship with him, he dies, just when my family is complete and he has a new grandbaby to get to know, he dies, just when he and my mom could enjoy all of their many years of hard work, he dies. And its not just me, he has three sons as well, and I am sure their greif is enormous as well...one of which JUST had a baby a week after he was dx, so literally she will never know him, he never even got to see her, how fair is that? Friday was their 10th wedding anniversary, an anniversary my mom had to endure alone, and I of course called to let her know I was thinking of her (I am in VA, she is in GA) and what do I do, but start crying like an idiot... I felt so bad becuase I know that the day was already rough enou0gh on her, and then I had to call and cry on the answering machine... I just want the pain to go away, I want for my mom to stop hurting so much, I am so afraid that she will die from a broken heart. I call her every 3 to 4 days, but I email her every day just to make sure she is still there, call me crazy but I worry dreadfully about her... Anyways this is already way too long, I guess I just need to get it all out... Thanks for listening.


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Hi Angela,

I know how it is to expect your dad to come through the door at any minute. That will happen for a while, and probably never go away entirely. This happens especially for parents moreso that for spouses. I don't expect to see Becky very often in that way, but that was because I saw her every single day, and so it is hammered in that she is not there. But I didn't see my grandparents everyday, and so it is harder for me to wrap my mind around my grandmother having died in December. It wouldn't be unusual to have not seen her yet, and so I expect to see her.

I had dinner with one of Becky's students, who was also one of her best friends on Saturday. I had sold Robbie Becky's car, which they brought to the restaurant. And when I had the car at home, I thought nothing of it. But when I came out of Applebee's on Saturday and saw it there for the first time in a month, I thought, "O my God, Becky's here." Just for an instant, but it was a fresh pain. Those moments of shocking pain never go all the way away, but they become less frequent over time, at least for me.


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