IIIp0 Posted June 22, 2004 Share Posted June 22, 2004 Welp guys -- that ole fear factor is trying to creep back into my life again.... this time it's because after three weeks of radiation [and seeing the last CT scan in April and the fact that while screwing with this neuropathy stuff, and blood transfusions and, and, and, his primary tumor in the chest has doubled!~] and having come back from chemo today, they said we have to wait yet again, I'm like "alright now -- I'm tired of this waiting game guys"......... Today his hemoglobin was raised from 7.2 to 8.4 [yeahhhh~]; however his platelets were almost non-existent; and his white blood cells [geeze, I think that's what they said] were at one thousand and something. I wondered why my poor husband was asleep even when he was awake! [smile]. Poor thing. I mean to tell you, he would sleep 24/7 literally. Next week we go back to the doctors and pray again for a better count. But I hate this waiting while this cancer grows..... His stomach is distended from his liver; and sore at times but ya know I guess everything single thing is so relative..... The only good thing is that he's retiring at the end of the month, thank God, and quite frankly, I don't know if he'll see much more of the office -- he can't stay awake! And when he can, he can barely walk he is so so weak! And then [this is my last gripe ya'll, I'm sorry]; on top of all of that, the radiation sucked the good brain cells too; so that he's "half-here" if you know what I mean, everything comes to him much slower now..... I never ever could have believed that life could look and feel so totally different in a little 24-hour period of time. This disease just HAS to be the single-most insidious and nasty disease there is. And while I'm scared, youbetcha, at the same time I am so so grateful that he is alive and that I am his caretaker. There is nothing else short of waiting on my daughter when SHE comes home from camp, that I love more than this. Just to "be" here for him, and her, to be needed, to be helpful, and to give my love without expectations -- something so very novel for me ladies..... I am still grateful. Just scared..... Thanks for listening and for everyone here that is such a loving part and support of this terrific forum. What would we do, otherwise???? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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