KatieB Posted June 24, 2004 Share Posted June 24, 2004 There's no denying there is alot of stress in our lives. For me, it's my full time job, a 6 yr. old, a 6 month old, two dogs, a home, a husband, and this website. Add to that a mother who is in terrible grief still and needs alot of support, and my constantly missing my dad each day. There's so much I want to tell him, show him, ask his advice on. He had become my best friend. My stable rock. Someone who loved me no matter what- I know it will ease, I know I have to grieve....but when? It's been 9 1/2 months and I barely have time to sleep let alone stop to grieve. Today, I met a friend for lunch. As we were eating I saw a man in a business suit that looked JUST like my dad. (which I've never seen anyone look like my dad- except maybe Sam Rakestraws dad- he showed me a picture) Anyway, I just stared at him and stared at him as the tears threatened to fall. It was like "seeing" my daddy again... So I grieve in short little sound bytes that come in and out in waves. Sometimes it's annoying, sometimes it knocks me off my feet. I really didn't have anything to say. There's no point or crechendo to this post.. I just wanted to get this off my chest. Thank you for supporting me and being here when I need someone to understand. love, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Connie B Posted June 24, 2004 Share Posted June 24, 2004 I Love You Sweetie. ((((((((((((((((((KATIE))))))))))))))))))) That's all I want to say. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluebayou Posted June 24, 2004 Share Posted June 24, 2004 We are behind you Katie.. God Bless us All, Francine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathy Posted June 24, 2004 Share Posted June 24, 2004 Oh Katie, I am crying as I am reading.. I think sometimes we just need to let it out to someone..Its been so hard, I know..I hate those moments when it makes you shiver with emotional pain...I keep wondering when too...The mom thing has been difficult as well...You have so much on your plate right now, I really wish you and Rick would take some time off and go on a little mini vacation, just for a couple days, I think it would help a lot. I dont recall you going anywhere (for pleasure not business) lately.. It will really help to refresh you..I need a couple days away too, maybe we can meet somewhere... I am always here if you need a voice to talk to..XO Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fall54 Posted June 24, 2004 Share Posted June 24, 2004 Dear Katie, I understand as my Dad passed away when I was 18. He was 46 as my brother was also. I was 2 weeks from graduating high school. It took me a very long time to come to grips with it. I have very fond memories now and I can deal with it. Of course that was 32 years ago. Time heals all wounds. It seems to be the only healer. I pray for your comfort in his memories and love for you and yours for him. God Bless You, Jane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shirleyb Posted June 24, 2004 Share Posted June 24, 2004 Katie, I do so understand what you are going through. It has happened to me recently and it breaks my heart. You are always in my prayers. May you find some peace and hopefully the new "normal" won't seem so hard as time goes on. Just know you are not alone. May you feel the warm hugs I would like to give you. Take care hon, Much love, Shirley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted June 24, 2004 Share Posted June 24, 2004 I, too, understand what you are talking about. On Saturday, I met one of Becky's students for dinner. Robbie is also one of our best friends, and she has a son about driving age. So she bought Becky's car from me. Now when I had both cars, seeing Becky's car and driving it never bothered me more than anything else. But when I came out of the restaurant and saw it, I thought, "Hey, Becky's here." And then I realized, for what must have been the ten thousandth time but seemed like the first, that I didn't get to see her in this life anymore. And for a couple of minutes, it hurt as much as it ever did. I think we will always have those moments. Hopefully, they will be fewer and further between. But the main reason I wanted to reply was to thank you and Ricky again for the service this site is to us. I know the last couple of days I so missed the fellowship. Somehow you have created a site in which everyone takes more than he or she gives, which is quite a phenomenon. We are here and will be here in whatever capacity we can for you. Curtis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.C. Posted June 24, 2004 Share Posted June 24, 2004 Katie, Just whis time would heal faster than it does. Hugs. J.C. Thank you for all you and Rick do for us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KC Posted June 24, 2004 Share Posted June 24, 2004 (((((Katie)))) I just want to say how very sorry I am that you, me and all of us have to go through this terrible grief. I want you to know that you are not alone, I know exactly how you feel as do many others. It hurts. It hurts real bad. I have been crying alot for my Dad lately. I want him back. I want him back right now, but it's never going to happen. I'll never see his beautiful face again. I've been hugging his pictures, that's all I have left to hold. It's been 3 months since I lost him. If feels like 3 years. I'm not just glad that he's out of pain anymore, I want him back. Our hearts are broken, Katie. I hope that someday we will heal. Last night I dreamt of my father. That he knew he was dying soon, but he looked so good. I remember telling him in my dream that his eyes looked so good, so clear and the white's were so white. How could he be dying. I was holding him and hugging him and telling him not to go. It was a horrible dream. He was crying too in the dream. He didn't want to leave. I know I'm rambling and not making a point really, but I just wanted you to know I share your pain and I pray for us all. Please try and take time for yourself to heal. Much love. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted June 24, 2004 Share Posted June 24, 2004 Katie, I know that most of us have probably "been there" with those painful reminders. For me, it's Old Spice that brings memories of someone wonderful to me, even better than "Dad" with the unconditional love, my grampa... To be honest, I try to avoid places where there's a big gathering of older men so I don't catch a whiff of it (seems it's mostly older guys that use the stuff)... Amazing how the human brain works and associates things you'd never consider a trigger with a lost loved one... Of course, seeing the loved one's face on someone else - that's a fresh stab in the heart... You'll begin to see mannerisms and "looks" on your children's faces, as well...and on your nieces and nephews... I am so sorry that your first Father's Day without him wasn't YOURS to deal with and that next year will probably hit you hard, too, since a lot of the "First" feelings weren't really dealt with this year... That's just not right, and I am so sorry that life happened that way for you. I sure hope it gets smoother here soon! Take care, Becky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted June 24, 2004 Share Posted June 24, 2004 Katie, Ditto. I feel the same way. Kim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest bean_si (Not Active) Posted June 24, 2004 Share Posted June 24, 2004 Katie, I'm so sorry. Please don't try and be strong for the rest of us. You never let on, but I know you must be hurting. I don't believe in that saying that the pain eventually goes away. I think it just moves into another room in our minds and once in a while the door flies open. I'm sorry to say that I don't have feelings of grief on my parent's death. I do have strong grief over my granddad's death although it was 40 some years ago. I still remember him. I have grief over my niece's death. She died at 19. I still see her. The other night I was lying there, trying to sleep, and in a selfish way I was grieving for myself. Suddenly, I felt her there. In my mind I saw her. She smiled. At one point, she reached down and put her hand on my forehead. It was though she were telling me that dying wasn't really so bad -- that she was content and happy -- so I shouldn't worry. It would be all right, she told me. Just believe. I know this sounds nuts but it felt so real. I was so glad to see she was happy. Remember the butterfly. I know that experience hasn't stop you missing your father. Maybe the butterfly helped your dad when he was missing you. Take care, Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrea B. Posted June 24, 2004 Share Posted June 24, 2004 Oh Dear Katie, You are not alone...big hugs and love to you. It is easy to forget about ourselves in the chaos of our lives, but try to remember to take time for you. I know your pain and I am sad because I can't take it away for you. I am always here. Love, Andrea B. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrea Posted June 24, 2004 Share Posted June 24, 2004 katie, you are beautiful! hugs! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
osirus226 Posted June 25, 2004 Share Posted June 25, 2004 Katie, I know what you are dealing with as far as the stress factor goes. You are such a strong person and I admire you for that. I also think that you and Ricky are such nice people for doing all the things that you do. Especially for all of us here. I couldnt even believe my eyes as I read about people who were sending you hate mail. I just think thats so selfish, as if you arent dealing with the same things everyone else here is. Anyway, my suggestion for some rest and relaxation is to go somewhere really really secluded and get a really long soothing massage complete with the warm rock therapy and the soothing sound of an ocean behind you. I think you deserve and also need something like that Take care, Kelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Debaroo Posted June 30, 2004 Share Posted June 30, 2004 Katie, If I had a magic wand, I'd wish away your tears...if I had a magic spell, your daddy would be here...If I had a wish I'd wish that we would never know this sorrow...but all I can do is hope for you that it gets better tomorrow. Yes there will be good days, and, sadly, rough ones too- the hope that the good outnumber the bad is my prayer for you. Take care, my friend...deb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KatieB Posted June 30, 2004 Author Share Posted June 30, 2004 thank you all so much~ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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