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Katie's birthday!


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Hi everybody! Katie is four years old today. In about 1:15 from this writing, adjusting for the time change.

Last night she wanted to sing a birthday song for Becky. It was the sweetest thing I have ever heard. She sang, "I miss you mommy, and tomorrow I will be four years old and becoming a big girl" or something like that. It just about ripped my heart out.

But it is another good sign that she is coping in her ways. We talk about Becky most everyday. And she talks about her to her dolls while she plays sometimes. And now she sings to Becky. So I am confident that she is expressing her grief well, which bodes well for us for the future.

But of course I miss Becky all the more today. I know how desperately she wanted to be with us today. She is, but not in the way she wanted. I hope her seat is a great one. Hard to believe it is already 88 days.


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It does sound like she is coping well. I am glad you are talking about Becky with her and those things.

It reminds me of a story. My son's best friend at age 3/4 lost his mom to breast cancer a month or so before mother's day. The little boy was at our house playing. They went out and picked me some flowers and brought them in to me.

A few minutes later, I saw them digging in the flower bed. I asked them what they were doing and they said they were burying Danny's mom's flowers for her cos she was in the ground.

I am sure you miss Becky a lot today. Have a great time with Katie, for Becky.


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Happy Birthday Katie!!!!!!!

She sounds like she is doing well Curtis and you are the soul reason for that. She is a beautiful 4 year old now, but has many lessons in life already instilled in her through your great parenting, and Becky is proud!!

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Happy Birthday Little Katie!! Sorry I'm late on the birthday wishes.

Hope your day was as good as could be!

Curtis, all I can say is, I ach for you my dear. I can almost feel your love for your beautiful daughter and wife, and I can almost feel your pain of sorrow. ((((((((((CURTIS))))))))))))

God Bless.

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Happy Birthday, Katie.

My, you're a big girl for four years old.

Such a trooper, and so brave.

I think singing songs to Mommy is wonderful.

Did you know that some people say that singing is praying twice?

The music helps the thoughts get to heaven twice as fast...

Curtis, I know it is with mixed emotions of love and pride and missing Becky that you celebrate your daughter's birthday.

You and Becky both have reason to be proud of Katie.

You're a good dad, and it's apparent how much you love your family.

My daughter is a Katy too, and when she was small I used to sing to her

the song from Oklahoma (I think that's where it's from)... K-K-K-Katie,

Beautiful Katie, you're the only G-G-G-Girl that I adore!

When the m-m-m-moon shines over the cow shed,

I'll be waiting at your k-k-k-kitchen door.......

She still gets a kick out of it. She just turned 15.

and I lost most of the nerves to my larynx in the surgery, so my singing

is really marginal... lol... but it brings back the love of the times....

Truly wishing you both nothing but the best....


Prayers always


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I have a Katie, too. She was quite the songbird around that age as well. I love what Mary Ann said about song getting prayers there twice as fast. Kids respond to ideas like that so well. I hope Katie's birthday had some very special moments.

I know from some people who lost their parents during childhood that it's always a bit bittersweet. An idea I had was that maybe she could have a special birthday journal she writes in each year to Becky. I heard about someone finding that very meaningful especially during the later teen years.

You two are in my prayers. I constantly read your posts, Curtis, and it touches all of us the way you honor Becky.

God bless~

Karen M.

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I often come here to see how you and Katie are doing. My daughter will also be 4 in another month, so I guess I feel connected somehow. (plus the teaching connection thing I felt w/ Becky). Anyhow, glad to hear that Katie is doing pretty good, having some moments, but dealing. Its definitely been a lot of change for her in the last 2 months . Keeping the memories will be of big importance for her. Does she have a picture of Becky and her in her room near her bed?

Well, I'd liike to send Katie a present from my Ashleigh. Could you pm a message w/ your address? My email is palves@optonline.net.



Dad Stage IIIb NSCLC Adenocarcinoma - dx 9/03 - 12 weeks chemo, 30 rounds of radiation - waiting for new catscan

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Our address is

Curtis and Katie Ruder

10919 Crown Park

San Antonio, TX 78239

We have two great pictures of Becky and Katie together in Katie's room. One was taken when Katie was about eighteen months old; it is the picture that most looks like Becky to me. For the memorial service, they made the 5*7 photo into a picture that looks like an oil painting. The other one a framed picture of the one I use for my avatar.

Karen, I think the idea of a birthday journal is a great idea. So I started it myself with an entry with the lyrics to her song and a picture of her in her birthday hat.

Thanks for all the well wishes and support.


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Happy birthday Katie. I am sorry I didn't see this until today...so my birthday wish for you is late. I have a little girl named Katie too....but she is grown now and has a little boy your age. I think you are a beautiful little lady. Soon you will be starting big school. Hope you had a happy birthday.


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