apologies for not posting.

[shelliemacs]

I want to offer apologies to all of you who I have been neglecting to respond to posts.

I have not been mentally well and I offer only the excuse that I have fealt too hopeless to respond to people to offer them hope.

My sister had her surgery on Friday to remove 2 lumps in her breast but they tell us that frozen immediate results on breast tissue are too unreliable to determine if it is cancer that day.

They told us they removed both lumps plus biopsied some suspicious calcium deposits. We should know by wednesday if she has cancer now.

I am now on 2 different medications for anxiety and depression. Lexapro for depression and Xanax for anxiety. They make me a zombie but thats better than my husband having to commit me i guess.

I am so sorry for all of you who I have not responded too. I wish I had a better excuse but I don't. I will try to pull myself out of my own slump to be the friend you all need and deserve and start posting again.

maybe if our news isn't horrible on wednesday I can start to recover from the pit I seem to be in.

My moms death came back and hit me face first after dad died a few weeks ago. I didn't expect that. I sit with them at the cemetary and talk to them daily. Then I go see my aunt who was moms twin and my second mom and talk to her grave and then I go to my biological dad and talk to his grave as well. I knew I was wiggin when I was standing in the middle of a cemetary and talking out loud to any spirit who would listen and promising anything I have if my sister would just NOT have cancer.

a squirrel looked at me as if to say "who the hell is she talking too"

please bear with me until I can pull myself together.

a friend to you all, always.

[gail]

Thanks for updating everyone. I for one, am glad to see you on some meds. I know I relied on them heavily prior to my lung surgery.

I also know how very much my therapist helped. For months after the surgery all I did was cry in her office, but it was a safe place to fall.

We will wait to hear from you.

gail

[Snowflake]

Shelly,

I'm glad to see you still around - and I mean on OUR side of the realm, not the spirit side...

It's good to hear that you have talked to a medical professional and are now on some medication... HOWEVER, IF it is still too much, maybe being committed would be a good thing. Not PERMANENTLY, mind you, but spending time in a place where your daily life stresses are at bay and there are many people there to help you through the stronger stresses of death and disease that you are journeying through. I have thought about it a few times, believe me...someplace where the phone doesn't ring with the NEXT crisis, where the bills aren't passing through my hand on the way in from the mailbox, where dinner is not my problem and the household chores are not screaming to be done...

Take care of YOURSELF, Shelly. We need you to get well, NOT push yourself into a deeper hole by giving more than you have right now. No one will think any less of you for taking time to get YOUR life in order right now - we support that, that's what friends are for. Please pop on and let us know how YOU are, but concentrate on yourself for a while. You need to nurture your own soul...

Love,

Becky

[Guest bean_si (Not Active)]

(((((((((((Shelly)))))))))))))))

Cat

[Frank Lamb]

Shelly, Hang in there,it's good to hear from you.Praying everything will be ok. with your sister.

[mhutch1366]

((((((((((((((((((((((((Shelly)))))))))))))))))))))))

Do whatever it takes, just hang on....

We love you!!!

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Prayers, always...

MaryAnn

[DeanCarl]

Shelley,

First off ... STOP APOLOGIZING! You don't need to, at least not around here.

Second: The lethargic feeling from the meds you're taking should go away after awhile so hang in there and keep taking them, they DO help.

Finally: A TON of prayers going out for your sister that whatever they took out of her turns out to be benign.

Dean

[Don Wood]

Good to see you posting, Shelly. Hey, don't apologize for having to take a break -- you need it. We understand that. Just let us support you in any way we can. Love ya! Don

[Elaine]

Shellie,

We know you are supporting us even when you aren't posting. Staying away some might help you, also. None of us want to be the cause of more stress in your life. I am keeping your sister in my thoughts and praying for the best. From what Iwas once told, the fact that there are more than one place of "concern" may mean it is benign. SO I will hope the info I got several years ago is true in your sister's case.

love

elaine

[cathy]

Shellie,

You have to do what is good for you, absolutely no apologies are necessary..Let us know about your sister though.. I am here if you need me..

[Addie]

Thinking of you Shelly, and hoping your sister gets an all clear. Keep the faith....and breathe.

We all know how hard the waiting is...but know we're waiting with you and continuing to send up prayers.

You be sure to take good care of YOU now, ya hear!! And let us help!!

[ginnyde]

Dear Shelly,

You have to take care of you. We know you think about us, you don't have to tell us. We will continue to pray for you and think about you and pray many prayers for good news on Wed.

I know how important sisters are. I just lost my last sister on 5/21. I still have to sit on my hand to stop from picking up the phone and calling her.

If after the lumps have been removed, it is still not certain, that is good news. Usually, they can tell if it is cancer right away, so think good thoughts.

And my mother died in 1968 and I still talk to her, just mundane everyday things, like how did she cook every night for so long and not throw a frying pan at someone.

Take care sweetie, we are here for you how and when you need us.

Love,

[kimblanchard]

Take care of yourself, Shellie, and thank you for checking in. I was hoping you were okay. I think you are sorta okay, on the path anyway, and it may take time. I am on an anti-depressant myself and I am dealing with far less than you are. May the Lord bless you and keep you. Margaret

[berisa]

Shelly, i am so glad that you post again here, i think of you always. Don't know how are you doing now. Shelly, I certainly bear with you and I understand how upset you are now. We are all with you and support you. I will pray for your sister. How's her recovering ?

shelly, i hope you will feel better very soon. This day is coming closely. Time could ease your pain.....my dear.

[stand4hope]

Hi Shelly,

I'm so glad to see your post. This is the first post I've done since my dad died last week. I haven't felt much like talking or writing, but when I saw this thread and that you had started it, I was thrilled beyond your imagination. I've been so worried about you. This is such a sad time for you, and I certainly understand.

Shelly, I don't recall that I've ever seen a post about your parents' age or your age, but I'm guessing that you're pretty young and that maybe your parents were pretty young also. It seems to me that younger people, and I'll say 35 and under, just have a more difficult time dealing with the loss of their parents. I don't know why that is because I'm not a psychiatrist, but I would make a wild guess that it would be because the young person dealing with the death hasn't even thought about their own mortality yet, let alone anyone else's. As our parents age and show signs of aging, is about the time we start thinking of our own mortality. Somewhere along the way, we suddenly begin to realize that they aren't as well as they used to be, and that they are getting wrinkled and looking older, and that they aren't going to live forever. When that happens, their death still isn't easy, but it's not the shock like you have experienced, especially losing both of them so close together, and to the same @* disease. And then on top of it, to have this extra worry about your wonderful sister.

Taking all of these things together - your age, their age, the cause, the shock and multiply it times two, and add the stress about your sister - the end result is obvious. Shelly, you have done the right thing by seeking help. We frequently say to others "You've got too much on your plate," "This is just too much for you to have to handle at one time," etc., and MOST OF THE TIME - it really is a lot, but even though there is a lot, we can still deal with it even if it isn't easy. In your case, there are no ifs, ands or buts about it - this is too much for anyone to handle without help, and I mean ANYONE.

I am praying for you every day, Shelly. God IS on your side. I know it doesn't look like that right now, but someday, you'll see. You'll see for yourself in some way that God is on Shelly's side. By the way, if you read my last post to you, I was wondering if God sent you that special person I talked about, the person that gave you hope or pointed you in the right direction to find help. I'm just always curious to know exactly how God helps people. Like I said before, he usually helps through a person, and I just wondered if you have met him/her yet.

Love,

Peggy

[Fall54]

Dear Shelly,

My gosh girl, of course you havent felt like posting. You have been given so much to handle for any human being in such a short time. Please know that God is with you in addition to all your friends here. He will see you through what ever it is that is to be. He has recently seen me through the death of my brother and it is something I just did not think I could handle. He was right there giving me strength to help my brother and then to trust in him that he was with him and is doing fine. He is helping me daily to mend.

I also pray from the bottom of my heart that your Sister is ok and that cancer has not to become a part of her life too. One thing I want you to know though Shelly is that if it is cancer he will see you through helping your sister and helping you have the strength when you dont think you have any left. God is Good Shelly. Trust in him.

God bless you and prayers,

Jane

[Nushka]

Shelly,

Please don't apologize for anything. You have been through hell these last few months and deserve a break...take care of yourself. I was very glad to know that you are on some meds. I take both xanax and something for depression. They help so much. It will take a few weeks for all of the side effects to work themselves out but you will feel better if you keep taking them. If this one doesn't work ..there are others.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers as well as your sister.

Nina

[TeeTaa]

Add me to the long list of folks hoping for better times for you, Shellie. You and your sister are in my prayers.

Blessings,

TeeTaa

[Teacake]

Shellie;

Take care and take time for yourself.

This comes from one that was wigging big time during a divorce and not handling things as those that had always relied on me expected me to (calm down, Vivi, TeeTaa, TBone-not talking about family-just everybody else in B.V.) So I did the only thing I could think of to save myself. I bolted. I concentrated on me and what I had to do. Ridded myself of some of the responsibility. Now, I'm basically back to my old self if not a new and improved version. At least I think I am. As I told Mama during that decision, I've put everybody else first for 45 yrs, now it's my turn.

So, My Friend, it is your turn. The sun is gonna come up tomorrow-it may be cloudy and difficult to see, but it is there. Put on your sunscreen and sunglasses and enjoy it.

I'm just on the other side of this computer if you need to talk.

Fran

[kimblanchard]

Shelly,

I think of you often. My prayers are always with you.

Kim