Elaine Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 Republican National Convention Schedule New York, NY 6:00 PM Opening Prayer, led by the Rev. Jerry Falwell 6:30 PM Pledge of Allegiance 6:35 PM Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd amendment) 6:45 PM Salute to the Coalition of the Willing 6:46 PM Seminar #1: Getting your kid a military deferment 7:30 PM First Presidential Beer Bong 7:35 PM Serve Freedom Fries 7:40 PM EPA Address #1: Mercury, it's what's for dinner 8:00 PM Vote on which country to invade next 8:10 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh 8:15 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: The Homos are after your children 8:30 PM Roundtable discussion on reproductive rights (MEN only) 8:50 PM Seminar #2: Corporations: the government of the future 9:00 PM Condi Rice sings "I Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man" 9:05 PM Second Presidential Beer Bong 9:10 PM EPA Address #2 Trees: the real cause of forest fires 9:30 PM Break for secret meetings 10:00 PM Second prayer, led by Cal Thomas 10:15 PM Lecture by Carl Rove: Doublespeak made easy 10:30 PM Rumsfeld demonstration: How to squint and talk macho 10:35 PM Bush demonstration of trademark deer-in-headlights stare 10:40 PM John Ashcroft demonstrates new mandatory Kevlar chastity belt 10:45 PM Clarence Thomas reads list of black republicans 10:46 PM Third Presidential Beer Bong 10:50 PM Seminar #3: Education: a drain on our nation's economy 11:10 PM Hilary Clinton Pinata 11:20 PM Second John Ashcroft Lecture: Evolutionists: the dangerous new cult 11:30 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again 11:35 PM Blame Clinton 11:40 PM Laura serves milk and cookies 11:50 PM Closing Prayer, led by Jesus Himself 12:00 AM Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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