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Yet another day to miss Becky


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For those that don't know, her last name was Goforth, and she never changed it to mine. She was too proud of her own, I guess. And that seems fair to me.

Several years ago she cross-stitched a T-shirt with a fireworks display on it that says "Go Fourth" and she only wore it once a year on the Fourth of July. I thought of that again this morning, so I am wearing my lung cancer T-shirt in her particular honor today. That T-shirt is one of only three or four clothing items I kept: her wedding dress, of course, and a T-shirt that she got on our honeymoon, and a T-shirt that was the first present I gave her that she liked. (It is sad that it was almost two full years after we started dating that I finally came up with something she liked. It was a T-shirt that went from black and white indoors to full color when sunlight hit it. And it was a big dragon and looked very cool. Becky's high school mascot was the dragons, and she was a big fan of medieval, particularly British, history. It now has a big marinara stain on it from the day after we got married. We went to Spaghetti Warehouse in San Antonio, site of our first date, and she reached over and grabbed my arm for saying something stupid, and put her entire chest into her spaghetti. She could never get rid of the shirt, because of its history, and now neither can I.)

God I miss her.


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She was a helluva lady. You will never replace her, you know that. You will find someone else, but it will never be a replacement for what you had with Becky. Of course, you are a smart man and you know that...

I hope that it gets different for you. I hope that some day the memories aren't so razor sharp right to your heart, that you remember with a soft smile and a warm feeling in your heart instead of the stabbing pain you feel now.

Here's to another "first" over and another step on the road to healing. You will always bear the scars, try not to pick the scabs as you heal...



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