Octobergrace Posted July 6, 2004 Share Posted July 6, 2004 I knew the holiday would be difficult when my Dad's oncologist told him Friday that he probably had between 1 and 6 months to live. My dad was not ready to hear this; he has been fighting so hard, has continued to be up and about for a year and even regained a few pounds in the past two weeks. Onc. said his CT scan showed relative stabilization (good news) then proceeds to pronounce his deadlines, then said Keep Living Life...what in the world do these guys think they are doing? Now we are waiting for an appt. to Duke because the onc. says it is time to go talk to them (meaning he has extracted all the treatment money out of this situation that he can). That's the beginning. Today, we cooked out in a brave attempt to Keep Living Life. Then, my sister and I went to her house for an errand, arriving to find a police helicopter looking like it is about to land on her house (in the middle of Charlotte). Police cars are all around the houses of my Dad's sisters, 85 and 89 yrs. old. Three kids (11, 13 and 16) had broken into my 85 yr. old aunt's house in broad daylight, slammed her to the floor, beat her in the head and stole her pocketbook. She is sore but not seriously hurt and refused to go to the ER, instead going to the police station to identify the two kids (girls) they had arrested. This family is strong. My anger over the meaness in this world is off the scales but I don't have much time to own that because I can barely keep walking this path carrying the sadness that I feel for my Dad and his sisters. How strong does this make me sound? When I went back to tell Daddy what had happened, he insisted on DRIVING straight to her house and I was barely able to jump in the car. Understand, he has taken care of three older sisters for many years until this killing cancer turned the tables on him last July. And understand, I don't believe that old age makes it easier for one to give up one's responsibilities, joys and love of life. My Dad talked to the policeman (in a whisper), and to my aunts about safety precautions and checked their door locks. As he hugged them before leaving, I watched them all try to comfort one another in the hard path that each travels now. The room was full of both love and unspeakable sadness...And I know this only gets harder. How are so many of you out there so very, very brave? Bless us all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fall54 Posted July 6, 2004 Share Posted July 6, 2004 Dear October grace, I dont know if we are brave or that we have found a place to vent and give and get support. I dont try to understand why these things happen because to me there is no explanation. We all hurt here terribly but just try to help to make the path more bearable and hopeful for one another. You will do the same I am sure. On the most part (in fact I havent met any that were not)I have only met good people here but sometimes cancer or some other situation or illness changes people and they see what is the right road and what is not. I hope those girls that thought they were there to hurt and steal from elderly women are punished to the full extent and that someday they learn what being a "Good person" is. I pray they feel regret for what they have done and I dont mean for the punishment they recieve but in their hearts for the people they have hurt. I can only imagine the sadness and love that was in that room tonight. Life is not easy as we all know. My heart breaks for you, your Dad and his Sisters. You are all in my prayers. God Bless you all, Jane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ginnyde Posted July 6, 2004 Share Posted July 6, 2004 Dear October Grace, We are not brave, not even a little bit. We are all scared. But as the caregiver I get up every morning and thank God that I have the strength to fight this fight for my dear husband. I think he gets up every morning and thanks God for the determination to fight this fight. We cry in the car, in the shower, in the line at the grocery store. And then we put on our happy face and do what we have to do. I can't imagine what could possibly be in the mind and heart of anybody that would beat up an old woman, or beat up anyone. I hope these young girls are punished. I hope your aunt heals quickly. And most of all, I hope your Father proves those doctors WRONG. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted July 6, 2004 Share Posted July 6, 2004 I thank God for another day each morning when I awake and each evening as I go to bed. I play the radio when I am alone in the car, and many times a particular song will trigger the tears and I get cleansed. I use my friends and this board to express myself and release tension. I look at Lucie struggling with each day, and her love sustains me. i like the John Wayne quote that bravery is being scared to death and saddling up anyway. That is kind of my philosophy. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted July 6, 2004 Share Posted July 6, 2004 Grace, I think bad things happen to bad people, too, they just expect it more... I'm sorry about your aunt, sorrier still that although she IS fiesty, she's not a rifle-packin' mama like my gramma (who's about her age). I hope the monsters that broke in are caged up like they deserve. That was a pretty violent crime for "kids" that age. Not sure there is a rehabilitation when the violence has gone that far... BESIDES that, sounds like your aunt is doing well and your father may be weak at the moment, but it ain't over yet. Get the second opinion, second wave of attack, second wind and get to kickin' some cancer butt again! On the journey with you, Becky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine Posted July 6, 2004 Share Posted July 6, 2004 Grace I think Becky may be wrong. Bad people are so bad they don't expect bad things to happen, only good people who sometimes do wrong feel like something bad could happen. Bad people don't have much of a conscience. That's why they are bad. What I think is that not enough bad happens to bad people. DOn't know if you remember the Joel Steinberg case in New York--he was the lawyer who beat his adopted daughter, Lisa, to death and he had a live in woman who was so battered and abused she didnt do anything aBOUT IT. Happened in the late 8os, I think. Well he got out of prison today. He's aged 67, I think they said. I am 49 and HE will outlive me. That seems wrong. Babies die, children, and that &()*_*(#% lives. Ok so you probably didn't want a rant. Your Doctor sounds like so many Doctors and I hope you find a good one. They are out there. People tell me they are. best wishes. Glad you got to spend a long time with your father. elaine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine Posted July 6, 2004 Share Posted July 6, 2004 Grace I think Becky may be wrong. Bad people are so bad they don't expect bad things to happen, only good people who sometimes do wrong feel like something bad could happen. Bad people don't have much of a conscience. That's why they are bad. What I think is that not enough bad happens to bad people. DOn't know if you remember the Joel Steinberg case in New York--he was the lawyer who beat his adopted daughter, Lisa, to death and he had a live in woman who was so battered and abused she didnt do anything aBOUT IT. Happened in the late 8os, I think. Well he got out of prison today. He's aged 67, I think they said. I am 49 and HE will outlive me. That seems wrong. Babiesand children suffer and die. But that blankety blank lives. The child he killed for staring at him" was 7. Ok so you probably didn't want a rant. Your Doctor sounds like so many Doctors and I hope you find a good one. They are out there. People tell me they are. best wishes. Glad you got to spend a long time with your father. elaine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Octobergrace Posted July 8, 2004 Author Share Posted July 8, 2004 Thank you all for so much support and wisdom in your replies. Do you know those moments when some event or even a sudden thought makes you see how very vulnerable we are and how many things in life hang on a very thin thread? And you don't just see it, you see it in digitalized, plasmasized technicolor? Well, Monday was a whole day of those moments for me ... and now I know well why you all count on each other for caring support, information, wisdom and humor. I am HAPPY to have found such an interesting and smart group as you folks. I, too, hope that the kids who attacked my aunt will be held accountable with no excuses but, unfortunately, the juvenile justice system rarely requires accountability nor rehabilitation. Sometimes, it seems that most of our "systems" have descended to the lowest common denominator and work very hard to enable irresponsibility and dishonesty -especially if money is at stake. They should all have to live upclose and personal with lung cancer for a while...rethink and regain a little life perspective. Today has been good - I got back home to the mountains and to my two (foster) children, worked in my yard and learned that my Dad's appt. at Duke will be July 28th. In the words of Gomer Pyle, "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" all for such good support......silly but heartfelt ending. May your day have some happy moments and maybe a little silliness, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted July 8, 2004 Share Posted July 8, 2004 Those moments are called "revelations" -- scary, but hopeful. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted July 8, 2004 Share Posted July 8, 2004 Okay I had to chime in here. Bad things do happen to bad people. The difference is we just don't care. It only hurts when it happens to good people. Curtis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted July 8, 2004 Share Posted July 8, 2004 Yeah, when it happens to bad people, we say, "They deserved it" or "They sure got their comeuppance". Good point, Curtis. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Octobergrace Posted July 9, 2004 Author Share Posted July 9, 2004 Yes, good point, Curtis. Whether it is smart or not, I do care when bad things happen to bad people maybe because I have spent many workdays in juvenile court with high risk kids. My experience is that "bad people" were once confused, scared children then damaged, angry adolescents then undisciplined, mean teenagers. What I have observed is that it is never helpful to enable or allow excuses for irresponsibility and dishonesty. What breaks the cycle is consistent accountability and consequences with the clear expectation of change. The earlier this happens, the better. That is why I care...especially that the kids who attacked my aunt be held accountable for their crimes against my aunts and my Dad, too. I guess there is a difference when something "bad" (unfortunate/tragic) like cancer just happens and when something "bad" happens in a meanspirited, intentional act by the hands of a sociopath who thinks it is okay unless one gets caught and only feels regret over being caught. I come closer to being able to accept the former, horrible as it can be, than the later. Thanks for chiming in. . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remembering Dave Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 you guys are making me dizzy. haha Karen C. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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