Mr Ry Posted July 8, 2004 Share Posted July 8, 2004 A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub." A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead." The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket. A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-*ss guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand." A pompous minister was seated next to a Texan on a flight to Dallas. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Texan asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the minister if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by ten whores than let liquor touch my lips." The Texan looked at the minister, then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "I didn't know we had a choice." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry Posted July 8, 2004 Share Posted July 8, 2004 Great ....HE He He Larry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Debi Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 I like these Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angie Daughter of Bill Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 John Thanks for the laughs! I have been in need of a good laugh! Angie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nushka Posted July 10, 2004 Share Posted July 10, 2004 These made my day....loved the ones about the turkeys and teacher. HEHEHEHE Nina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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