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Mr Ry

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A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.

As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened

his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir,

I need to see your ticket, not your stub."

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but

couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do

these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're


The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding

rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop

said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When

the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a


A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now

class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I

might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness,

or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses

whatsoever!" A smart-*ss guy in the back of the room raised his hand and

asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from

complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to

stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the

teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and

sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your

other hand."

A pompous minister was seated next to a Texan on a flight to Dallas.

After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Texan asked

for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him. The

flight attendant then asked the minister if he would like a drink. He

replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by ten whores than let

liquor touch my lips." The Texan looked at the minister, then handed his

drink back to the attendant and said, "I didn't know we had a choice."

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