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my dad


KatieB

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My dad has had L/C, chemo and all the ups and downs for over 9 straight months now, and so now I've noticed just this last week that Dad has been getting aggravated lately. He says he is feeling OK, has gone out a few times, and even came over tonight...but he is short tempered and seems to get aggrevated easily when mom jokes with him or touches him / tossels his hair, etc... This is really Not like him at all, he says he's fine, but I don't believe him. Something is wrong and maybe he's depressed, maybe the xanax (sp) isn't working, maybe his body just feels terrible and he won't admit it to us...maybe he's just plain tired of being tired---My mom doesn't have a clue either--I feel stupid posting this, but maybe you will have the insight that I do not on this. Me & my CWD making me crazy again. Thanks for listening.

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Guest Jonathan2

Dear Katie,

-Not sure that you care for or respect my opinion after all the words we exchanged, however, I want to let you know that there were many days when my mom was the same way. Just plain irritable. I also want you to know that it does not neccessarily mean that there is any progression of the disease or that he is weaker, so try not to think that way. I think that sometimes all they (the patients) have to do when theydo not work, is think about whether or not the chemo is working and what will happen to them, I think that this is plain old maddening when you think about it. Not being in control is maddening for all of us. Maybe taking him out to supper with other friends, or members of the family will help him to fee better. Sometimes I think that the patients feel that they are not normal anymore because everything just stops for them, and many things they used to do they cannot anymore, because of the treatment or frankly, the disease. I do notknow your relationship or communications with him, but I know that I would ask my mom how she was feeling or if she felt that the chemo was working well, or anything about cancer, she would getv upset or mad. I think that smetimes they ar just tired of being asked about their disease. It makes them feel that the disease is all they are and that it has consumed them completely. There were days that she just did not want to talk about it. So we would all of the sudden say- tommorow is going to be a "cancer free day". We would go out, and do something fun such as shopping and out to eat. It is so hard on them and us...

Sincerely,

Jonathan

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Katie

I know how he feels, I too had a day like that, its only been four months for me since I was diagnosed with SCLC and started chemo and i am already there! I think I understand how he feels, you just get tired of being sick, thinking about your cancer and knowing that others are worrying about you, as I said the other day to my daughter, I want my old life back. I think he has earned the right to get aggravated (at least that is what I tell myself) you just want a normal life again and know that is not possible, even if you go into remission you are told that SCLC always comes back so you have that to worry about too. Maybe he just needs some space without everyone hovering around him. I just know how I feel at times and I felt that way today. I was ready to lash out at the world and snapped at my poor husband for nothing at all which I usually don't do. Don't put too much emphasis on it and just see what happens.

Bess B

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Hi Katie,

I'm sorry that your dad is having a hard time right now. My mom has gone through alot of emotions since the start of her illness. She tells me that she is tired of being sick and is just plain bored alot of times since she is unable to get out much. I'm sure that your dad is just having a few bad days and will be back to himself soon. It is probably part of the healing process that he is going through and he will work through this. I will keep you and your dad in my prayers.

Lots of Hugs,

Susan M.

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I'm sure all of you are right. I know from his tests that his chemo is working. He is not visibly physically ill or anything, so I have to assume that he is just sick and tired of being sick and tired. I want to help, I want to always make things better, make him happy, etc...but I guess sometimes those low feelings have to run their course. I guess I will just wait and see. Thanks for all replies and god bless you in your fight against this terrible disease.

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Katie, I am sorry your dad is not his "old self". My wife says she can tell when I am too tired or not feeling well because I get crotchety. I think this crap can be a lot harder on the supporters and caregivers than it actually is on us that are aflicted. When I am tired and irratable the best thing for me is just having people there. I know they would sometimes rather be anywhere else since I can get downright mean at times, Only rarely do I get downright mean but it happens. It means so much to me for them just to be there with me. Hang in there Katie, I will be praying extra hard for you and your family this weekend.

David C

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Katie,

I just wanted to add that I agree with everyone..I also think we try to imagine what they are feeling just so we know how to help them better. I know you probably do just like I do, I sit there and just stare at him and try to figure it all out, thats the hard part because we cant. I think just follow his lead, if he seems irritable maybe he wants to be alone for that moment. You know all the drugs they're on or have been on I'm sure take a toll on their mental state. When you get right down to it look what they are faced with, it's overwhelming to say the least.

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Hi Again Katie,

I have been wanting to congratulate you on your graduation..

What a wonderful accomplishment. I know your dad is very proud of you. I also think you should go to law school like you mentioned in a previous post. My son is taking his LSAT monday,and has been studying for many months, I think you have to be really dedicated to succeed,actually he wants to go to one of the top ten law schools thats why he studies so hard. My point is I know when you put your mind to something Katie you go full force so you definately have the dedication. I know you could do it! CONGRATULATIONS......cathy

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Katie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Your post fits right into my feelings today. I, the cancer person, is feeling just plain b ***y. I know it's my tests coming up. I was even considering an ativan today, because with the rain, it's all starting to get to me.

Is your dad taking an anti-depressent? It took me till the thrid cancer to get on them, and they help. The lows are not so low.

But I also know, from dealing with my parents, that they don't always agree to medication. Then I recommend YOU take the drugs. :lol: Worked for me!!!!!!!!!!!111 :wink:

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Thank you all so much. I think I am going to force him out of the house today. Because he is doing well right now with his treatments and things have evened out and we have somewhat of a pattern in his treatments and in our lives now, He is probably finally having a hard time emotionally now- but geez, who would ever know, :?: this man is like gibralter and NEVER complains, NEVER lets on that he is in discomfort, pain or sickness. He just IS. He goes with the flow, he smiles and says "I love you" when we part ways, he has never mentioned ANYTHING about his feelings in regards to his cancer, ever! Any conversation we have about L/C involve a story of inspiration or a new treatment I may have read about and I am the one who brings it up and he just listens....... Now wonder why I go out of my mind just wondering and worrying about him,....

:wink:

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((((((((((((((((( Katie )))))))))))))))))))))))

Just wanted to give you a hug, sounds like you could use a nice day out with dad. Have a great time, and try and leave behind the CWD for a while.

I know it's easier said than done, but you deserve to enjoy the day.

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Hi Katie,

I've only been dealing with this for 3 months and I can certainly attest to the range of emotions I've been through. I never know how I'm going to feel from one day to the next. Depression, anxiety, frustration, the fatigue just keeps getting worse after each treatment and I really am just plain tired of this. Physically, I'm doing great, but the mental toll can be hard to deal with. I know I've been more irritable with my son at times, and sometimes I just want to be left alone. It's always those closest to us that suffer the brunt of it. It sounds like your father is handling it a lot better than I am. I think he is a very strong person and I admire him. He's so lucky to have such a loving family around him. Keep the faith.

Jenny

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Katie, as you say, your dad is tired of being tired, and he may be depressed as well. Lucie has railed at me a few times. I just say, "Oh, getting feisty are we?" and we both have to laugh. I constantly have to help her keep up her spirits over this long ordeal, and to keep her active. I think it is a good idea to get your dad out and about. I am constantly doing that with Lucie. And she thanks me every time, even though she is reluctant as the time, because of pain nad/or being tired. Keep hanging in there. Don

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Katie,

my mom said those words today. "I am sick of being sick" its got to get to them after so many months. The worst part is we cant do anything to physicially make them feel better or to really forget that they are sick. I think thats where are helpless feelings and perpetual CWD come into play.

It sucks and its not fair and we would give our right arms that our moms and dads and husbands and wives and children did not have to go through this.

jeez can you tell I am in a funk.

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Are we all partying down here on a Saturday night or what!? Worrying, worrying and worrying some more. Maybe that's why our loved ones get a little irritable sometimes, cuz we fuss and worry about them so much!? All in all, I say a little crankiness should be expected every once in while. Heavens knows I get cranky sometimes for a few days.

I don't really have much advice, only to say that his emotions may be very normal and something not to worry about too much. Do you ever get a little cranky but can't really put your finger on the reason why? Hang in there.

Lots of Hugs,

Anne

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