Jump to content

One heckuva week...


Snowflake

Recommended Posts

Last Friday I got sent home from work - kinda like a kid with chicken pox would be sent home from school...

But I don't have chicken pox, my brain is melting.

I met with a doctor at Medical that I had never seen before, my usual caseworkers (doctor and nurse) happened to be on vacation, so when I had my emotional meltdown, all the doctor had to "know me" was a manila folder full of paper covered in ink...not a true picture of me, just random thoughts from those following my case at work...

He wanted to know what the problem was, and I began to explain the brain melting... I'm forgetting things - a lot. I run red lights - my husband and I have decided I shouldn't drive long distances because of that and the fact that I have "brain farts" and get lost for a while. I have no focus - can't complete tasks, can't start tasks. I have diminished ability to learn - new programs all over and I can't seem to grasp them, and the notes I take look Greek to me...

So the doctor asks me if I think I may hurt myself or anyone else (well, no one had p*ssed me off much that day so the answer was "no"), he suggested I go to counseling - the one through work for "crazy" folks that might go postal (and other stresses, etc.). I told him I saw a counselor about every three weeks - he wanted to know who and when my next appointment was and then set me up for an "emergency appointment" (cripes, I didn't think I was a "crisis"!). He did some field cognitive tests on me (the three words were "umbrella, rabbit, pencil") that I passed - no surprise. They were "generic", not something that I shouldn't forget...

...and then, he asked if I had driven to this meeting (yes) and suggested I call my husband. That was the last time I drove. I'm banned from driving in the plant, I'm banned from work...before I can go back to work, I have to see my counselor (I did, Monday), my doctor (next Monday) AND have another evaluation at Medical (next Tuesday). On Thursday, I have my cognitive testing...hope they find SOME reason why my head is so foggy and that they can fix it. It seems to be getting worse...like my brain is melting, like ice cream on a summer sidewalk...

So am I depressed? LOL - not really ..... well, time off that doesn't count against my vacation...but I can't drive...and I still can't focus...and I don't think time off is going to "cure" me and solidify my brain...it's still melting. I'm calling my son by my brother's name occassionally. I forget my husband's name - I don't call him by my ex-husband's name, I just totally blank out on the name that goes with "Husband". I forget conversations, begin the same one more than once, get an odd look from whomever I'm talking to and merely say "We've had this conversation before, haven't we?"

...and it's still melting.

Tonight, I can't sleep. Too much NOT on my mind! :roll: So I'm sitting here, typing away...and all the while, my brain cells are laughing at me...they're melting, you see...

I sure hope the disease doesn't rob me of my "sharpness"...but I'm really worried. (Don't tell Mark....)

At least tomorrow I can sleep in...usually when I'm up during the week and can't sleep, I have to go to work the next day. Not tomorrow...I'm guessing that after my parents leave, the telemarketers will begin, probably around 8...THEN I'll feel like hurting someone...

Becky

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Becky

Whoa! :? Sounds like you are going through rather alot at the moment. I am sorry I don't have much to offer on what you are describing (although at times I think I suffer with brain farts myself, but I have no cancer to attribute it to :D !!).

But please know I am thinking of you and sending you lots of love and warm wishes. Take care of yourself, don't drive, and let us know how things go.

with lots of love

Jana

xxx

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Becky

I feel like that alot too, I have recently had my second child, and they do say that women's brains shrink when they are pregnant (as opposed to men's brains which don't shrink when they are pregnant?????) (See what I mean...)

I hope that things start to even out for you before too long. I hope you get the help you need to sort this out.

Thinking of you.

Karen

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest bean_si (Not Active)

Did the doc ask you to count backwards from 100 subtracting 7 as you go?

You know, 100, 93...............that's as far as I can get.

If he/she does ask, tell him that he should count backwards and you'll check his accuracy.

Snowflake, it could be a combination of things, mostly stress. You've been through an awful lot. No wonder you feel your brain is melting. I dunno. I don't think it's melting. Come on, you write such funny, witty posts. Where does those come from? Your mind, kiddo - that's where. I think your mind is just out wandering the cosmos and will return. It got tired of all the hassle and decided to take a vacation.

Take care.

Cat

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Uh, yeah, Cat, he did...and math? Well, that's second nature to me, I can make change in my sleep and was on an engineering track in college - I took Calculus in college...

So, it was 100, 93, 86, 79, 72, 65, 58, 51, 44, 37, 30, 23, 16, 9, 2, -5...

He told me I did better on that then most people at 100% cognition...well, gee, thanks, I think...when I feel dumb, I'm doing better than most...but that DOESN'T make me feel any smarter, just more at a loss for an explanation...

...and I hope the walkabout ends soon for my mind, I miss it...

umbrella, rabbit, pencil...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest bean_si (Not Active)

In order to subtract like that, you have to use your memory. You have to remember the number just preceeding the mathematical operation.

It sure is freaking confusing. I can't remember a darn thing these days. The memory leakage is to the point of embarassing but get this.........a couple weeks ago I decided to get tested. I took an IQ test - no not the easy ones that are all of the web - one from a place akin to Mensa. It was hard. My IQ = 140. Okay, so it used to be 152 but still - it makes no sense. No memory and high IQ???????

Maybe both our minds are on a walkabout. BTW, I so rarely hear that word from fellow Americans. Usually the people who use it are Irish or Australian.

Cat

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Becky,

I don't have cancer but I have been doing the same kind of thing. My doctor calls it extreme stress and depression all in one. Ifind it difficult to start something, get half way through when I do, and then don't care if it gets done or not.

I hope you are able to find a freezer for your mind so it stops feeling like it is melting.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Shirleyb

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hello Becky,

Have no idea why your brain is melting after all you have absolutely no stress in your life. He!! your life is a cakewalk. Healthy, rich, beautiful McMansion, young stud husband, 4 adorable children with a wonderful English nanny and a checkbook with lots of commas.

Becky, maybe the stress of the last couple of years is playing games with your brain. Maybe once you and the Cookieman and the Dragon Slayer are happily living in your new home, maybe after you get the next clean report, maybe, just maybe those errant brain cells will return home.

I hope you feel back in charge soon.

Love,

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Becky,

I don't know what's up with the brain (maybe it is reacting to your knickname and taking it literally) but it could be stress, (nah you don't have any of that!) and it could be hormones. That kind of thing you describe happens during menopause so maybe your hormones are out of whack due to your thyroid condition or meds.

By the way, ever wonder how or why the word "men" is a part of menopause? I am just now wondering......

Glad to see you back. It's been a sad sort of week around here.

elaine

Link to comment
Share on other sites

First, hurting telemarketers doesn't count. :P That's normal behavior.

My God Becky your problem is obvious...why can't you see it? YOU ARE LIVING AT HOME WITH YOUR PARENTS AGAIN. Your mind isn't melting its careening back through time and you are becoming "the kid" again. The kid doesn't have a husband and kid (no wonder you forget their names).... If I had to go live with my mom for any length of time, my mind would turn to mush.

Can you go away for a few days and relax somewhere now that you're off work???

Rochelle

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think you need a vacation, a REAL vacation. like here to Upstate NY where I live and spend time with me in the Adirondacks camping (in a 30" trailer, i don't do tents) and we can enjoy the lakes and wilderness and you can destress me and I will destress you, (coors light included in this package) and maybe, JUST MAYBE your overwhelmed with people telling you that someting is wrong with you when in reality your the normal one.

I sure can't dx you but I can get you a vacation spot for a while.

try ice in your beer, maybe that will help with the melting.

:lol:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm praying that your brain stops melting son. Maybe a trip back to Alaska- instead of the heat here that is melting your brain?

Don't mean to make light of things. This is a problem and I am sorry. Wish I had answers, but know that we are here for you and anxiously waiting to hear what the docs have to say. I do have to agree with some of what the others say....stress + stress+ stress+ more stress has got to = extreme brain overload....your mind probably just went on hiatus for a little while.

many positive thoughts and prayers going your way,

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Becky,

I agree with the others that it most certainly could be stress. And I think that stress builds up over time and then "POW", it's released in any form possible. You say that you'll be going to the doctor again. Will you be seeing the one that knows you and understands all you have been through? I sure hope so. When a temporary doctor steps in, it's been my experience that that only means disaster for the patient. They mean well but let's face it, they really don't have a clue. Hope you get to see your doc soon.

As a side note, a couple of months after my Dad passed away my Mom started acting very odd. Couldn't remember things, forgot to pick me up once!, couldn't complete her thoughts, etc. I was pretty sure it was stress related and I did have her see her doctor. The doctor also thought it was stress and said to ride it out and if she didn't feel better in a couple of months they would try some treatment options. It has taken a while, but I do think she is much better than she was then.

Your brain just may need a break! Give it one.

Take care of yourself.

Kris

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Becky, I can empathize. I've had fibromyalgia for several years and the worse of it for me is the fibro-fog. I also laugh and make jokes about it sometimes. The time I went to a very familiar place and had no idea how to get home (I had been taking the same route for 4 years), I called my husband crying and he had to come get me. That was NOT funny - it was terrifying to think I couldn't count on my mind to do the simplest things.

I can tell by your writings that you are witty and intelligent and have probably always been able to count on your brain to not only get you by, but get you ahead. I bet that makes it doubly hard to deal with these brain fa*ts.

There are so many things that can cause it and I hope that it is, like mine, brought on by extreme stress and lack of REM stage sleep. Mine all turned out to be based on a sleep disorder. I feel like most days, I have completely recovered, but on occasion, it rears its ugly head. At least I now know the cause, and I hope they find the cause of yours A.S.A.P.!

Keeping you in my thoughts ---well I'll try to remember to. :?

With Love To You, Becky.

Gina

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Geez Becky,

What a week is right..A few years ago my brother was in a very serious car accident, he suffered a closed head injury, I did some research on closed head injuries at that time and remember reading that many people can have very mild cases and not even know when the injury occurred and their symptoms were pretty much what you are discribing, mainly short term memory loss, and not being able to account for missing moments during the day, their cognitve thinking is off as well..I'm curious to see what is going on with you..Oh :idea: I almost forgot he's just like you with numbers, smart as a whip, remembers all that kind of academic stuff, just has a lot of trouble absorbing new information..Let us know what you find out..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Becky, I have to be the one to tell you..... Your brain is NOT melting.. that would be a mess and only you would be there to clean it up since you have been sent home. Now seriously, all puns aside. I understand your worrying, and the need to make jokes, however I also know what you are putting yourself through, because you are asking that question to yourself that you are afraid to ask aloud. It is very possible that because you have yourself all worked up over this, you HAVE totally taken your stress level over the edge. Or it could be that you are so exhausted that your body is beginning to rebel. I pray that it is not the thing you are so afraid of, and only something minor that is fixable with a much needed vacation, even if it is a forced vacation. I myself know that being a wife, a mother, and working is not a picnic, and can be very fatiguing - I dont have cancer - I still have brain farts, problems focusing, and I have the worst memory of anyone I know of, so its probably stress, fatigue, stress, being over worked, did I say stress? Take some time for YOU for once. If your anything like I tend to be, I have to do everything all the time for everyone, and I am always last on the list (Maybe that's why I am always so tired). I have a feeling that you are not the "sit by and watch" woman, are you? Take some well deserved time for yourself, and your focus will come back into view. You are a very strong, WISE, woman who has been put through the wringer more than once. No worries, you'll be ok, God will make sure of that. My prayers are with you everyday - Angela

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Becky,

I tell Steve that he had chemo and yet I have the "chemo brain." (Is that something like when men suffer similar symptoms when their wives are pregnant - yea let's see 'em match labor - ha!) Yep stress makes our lives insane at times.

Want to hear a good one? Steve needed some meds from the store and since I was picking the kids up at school, I dropped him off at the pharmacy, told him I'd go up the block to the school and be right back. Of course, I drove home with the kids, yelling, "Hon, we're home," when we got into the house. No answer. Guessing he was at the neighbors, I sat down to read the newspaper and about half-hour later decided to check w/neighbors. He wasn't there - so I guessed he must be out for a short walk. Talked to another neighbor, who was asking about him and said he must be better as he seems to be out for a walk. As I was going back in the door - WHAM, it hit me. Boy, did I hotfoot it back to town. There he was in front of the store, finally trying to call me. He must love me if he can fogive me for that.

You are not alone in this one. p.s. - when I have a brain f*rt in front of the kids, I tell them it's because they sucked all my brain cells out. (Since they're both teenagers - it may be true!)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest bean_si (Not Active)

Snowflake - Maybe it would reassure you if you had a brain scan. I definitely don't think it's a brain thing but I think you need scientific reassurance.

Jana - No, I'm not bagging out Australians. :lol: I have a good friend from Ireland and he's always talking about doing a walkabout. 'Course he's a wee bit eccentric as are most writers I know (including me) :lol:

Joyce, OK - that wins the "where did my brain go" award. Too funny for words!

Cat

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Cat,

MRI last month, all clear...well, not ALL clear, there WAS/IS a brain up there, it's just doing well and hanging out all by itself. All the MRI proved was that there are no "critters" up there and that my headaches truly are migraines.

I ALSO had a bone scan and a chest CT - all clear. Anything that's wrong is deeper than "shape" of brain. Neuropsych (got a referral) says the white matter (not gray) could be scrambled and I'll need to relearn some things...just gotta map out what I need to learn again.

Hangin' on...

umbrella, rabbit, pencil

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well Becky I don't know what your problem is. I never forget anything (yea right) :P I do have a suggestion for getting rid of some of the stress. Just a thought but sense I suspect that some of your stress comes from the EX (His that is) maybe finding something to do with her head and a brick wall might help. Just a thought :!:

Seriously tho. I seem to be dealing with that kind of thing more and more everyday. I know in my case it is stress just can't quite figure out what to do about it. I have no ex to take it out on. Johnny's died before we got back together and mine is a nice long way away from me. So enjoy the break and if the ex isn't available think about using one of those doctors for a substitute.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.