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Turning in the hallpass..........


Angie Daughter of Bill

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I'm back from my trip to Graceland, Memphis Zoo, Beale Street..........all in all it was a pretty good vacation. Who am I kidding.........it was a vacation from H*LL!! Not the city or the attractions.............here goes, first of all, I felt guilty about leaving my Dad. (he was invited to go with us, bo noooooo) The second day into our vacation, I called to check on Dad. He said that he had a really bad headache and took one of his Lortab. Now, my Dad has had a Rx for Lortab since January. He has only used four of them. So, when I found out about his headache, I kind of freaked out. (BRAIN METS?????) (Especially since we just found out that he has a new lung tumor) I wanted to come home. Dad said NO WAY. My hubby said I was being ridiculous and that I would ruin the vacation for our kids............especially since my Dad would not agree to go to the ER if I came home. So, we stayed, I was worried and miserable, my hubby was mad at me, my kids wanted to know why I was crying. I try so hard to be what everyone needs.........a supportive and loving wife, a loving, caring caregiver to my Dad, an active and supportive mother to my two wonderful daughters..............these days though, I can't seem to be what anyone needs. I am sooooo on edge all the time. I DO NOT like myself this way......but I can't seem to be any other way. I know that what I am feeling is nothing compared to those of you who are a lung cancer patient. (may God bless you) Dad goes to his oncologist on Tuesday, so I will "tattle" on him about the headache.

I am through with the pity pot now. Yes, Snowflake, I have flushed. Anyone need to borrow my pity pot??

Sad and stressed~~~

Angie

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Hi Angie,

What a beautiful family you have. I am sorry that you did not manage to enjoy your vacation as much as you could have done. I think I would have felt the same though, especially with your Dad having that unusual headache. It is such a difficult position you find yourself in. The stress of coping with a loved one with this awful disease starts to show itself in many different ways. My husband has often snapped my head off and I know it's the disease speaking. I burst into tears over silly little things, ( like when I bashed my head on a cupboard door the other day-it hurt like mad, but that wasn't what made me cry!) I also take out my rage on things that fall out of cupboards, I sometimes think I am going crazy.

I wonder if there is a support group at your local hospital. I think you need to be able to talk to someone about your problems and learn ways to cope with the family situation as well as with your Dad. Good Luck Angie and I will be thinking of you.

Paddy

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Dear Angie,

I can really relate to what you are going through. As you know, my husband is the one with lc, and we have a son who is not coping well. However, since late January, my dad was the one that was in the most critical condition with severe COPD and lost his fight on June 25.

Most of the time, I chose spending time with my dad rather than at home, but it was a very painful choice every time. Most of us women just have a natural instinct to care for those we love that are in pain or suffering.

Even though I had three men, all of whom were needing my attention, I was drawn to my dad because he was losing his fight for his lilfe and he was the most critical. Not only that, he was stuck in a nursing facility where they just couldn't give him the attention that he needed. I just had to go frequently to keep after them about a number of things and just to love and hug and kiss my dad. If I hadn't gone, there wouldn't have been anybody else since all my family lived out-of-state at the time.

Anyway, I understand where your heart and mind is right now - it's with your dad. That doesn't mean you don't love your husband and kids, it just means that it's hard to play and have fun when your precious daddy is having a hard time and fighting for his life.

It's ok, Angie. It's really ok. Your feelings are not dis-placed and they are normal. I think it's a little harder for someone young like you that has a young husband and a young family. I know that as my husband and I have been together for so many years, it isn't too big of a deal when we are apart for a while when these crises hit our family. Our love is solid and we both know the other one will be back and we both have geniune compassion for what the other one is going through.

My husband couldn't have been more supportive about my time and attention to my dad. He loved my dad, too. Not only that, after 36 years, he knows it wouldn't do him any good to complain anyway because I'm going to do what's in my heart to do whether he complained or not. :lol:

Angie, it will get better - I promise, and you will be glad you fussed over your dad.

Love,

Peggy

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Paddy and Peggy,

Thank you for your kind words. It is hard. My hubby does want me to take care of my Dad. My hubby is the son that my Dad never had. I think what bothers my husband most is our kids seeing me upset. Most of the time I do pretty good, but there are times when the tears flow freely.......no matter who is around........the Walmart clerk, my hair dresser or my kids. I just can't help it. And Peggy, like you, my husband knows after 10 years of marriage that I'm going to do what is in my heart, too. :wink: (that's one thing that he loves about me, though at times it's the one thing that drives him crazy, too)

David A.,

Thanks for the welcome back. And yes, I heard some great blues music on Beale Street. The VERY best was a group on the street. They played for tips. They were awesome...........Mustang Sally......too many good ones to list. While most folks on Beale Street were drinking beer and these beautifully colored drinks, me and my girls were having a "shaved ice" and dancing in the streets. You should have seen us. Really, to me, it was a sad place despite all of the dancing and partying. There were so many people sleeping on park benches and carrying a cardboard box with them. :cry: As we were leaving Beale Street, a man stopped us and asked if he could have our "carry out" box. (our left-overs) My husband told him that it was a hamburger that my youngest had picked apart. The man said that he didn't care, he was hungry. We gave it to him. (we were kind of afraid not to) We are not used to scenes like that. We are from such a small community that if anyone is down on their luck, everyone pitches in and gets them through. Wish it could be that way around the world. It was a real eye opener for me.

Thank you guys!

Angie

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Angie you know that I will always take the pity pot when you are done. I seem to always need it :roll: There is always a new issue I am freaking out about.

Regarding your dad's headache, in reality if before cancer he had a headache you would never think about it. Not sure if this will help, but I have a similar story. When was it, it was maybe 3 or 4 weeks after surgery, my mom woke up VERY DIZZY and she was dizzy and headachy for a few days. Well, we all know what that means, right? :shock: Wasn't it obvious? She called the onc and was seen. I said it is a brain mets, he said it is not a brain mets and literally laughed at me. I saw nothing funny, it was so obvious. Turns out that it wasn't brain mets, it was something with her blood counts being off, she got a shot and it immediately went away.

Hang in there! Maybe we need to start a husband's club so Brian, your husband, Jamie's husband, Nat's husband, Andrea B's husband, Shellie's husband, etc, can all complain about how nuts we are. :wink:

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Hi Angie,

Stress? I think I invented the word! This whole year has been horrible. I understand you wanting to go home and about your crying just about any where. One thing you have to remember and your hubby has to too, is that we are human and our hearts are broken. How can we be happy when we are worrying all the time? When my hubby would say you have to get a handle on this ... I would ask him "What do I do with all the sadness?" I didnt and dont choose to be sad, worried or anything negative. I would love to be happy and not have a care in the world. Thats not life though.

I dont know if men handle things better or accept things more than women or they can just hide it better. What I am saying is your normal and what you are feeling is helpless in a situation that you want to change but have no power over it. I could always fix anything that was wrong in my Brother's life until he got cancer :cry:

I am now worrying still about my husband that has not had his voice in many months. He see's the ENT again on the 21st. Surgery will be in order because he said if the steriods did not dissolve or get rid of the polyps in his throat that he would need surgery. At that time we will see if there is underlying cancer. I am scared to death!! It's no wonder I cant get myself back with just losing my brother and now worrying so much about my hubby and best friend in the world.

I am so sorry that your vacation was not what it could have been had there not been these other worries we carry with us no matter where we go. I pray for your Dad and for your whole family. It's a tough road that we are traveling.

God Bless You All,

Jane

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Angie

Just do what is in your heart. Your heart can never be wrong. Let us know how your dad is doing. I know many men seem to handle things diferently, but just remember that your husband is following his heart too.

Love to you all.

Glad to see your beautiful faces!

elaine

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