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mom has been sick for a week


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Hello all.... I have just moved so I just got my connection set up.

Mom was sick last week and I think I even posted about it. Anyway, I called and called the doc and was told the same old thing. "give her plenty of fluids and if the pain gets worse, give her another percocet"

Well turns out moms white cells were down to 1.1, so she was in isolation for 3 days until they could get them back up. She is home now and doing fine. Her last blood work showed something wrong with the " hemoglobin?" (sp?) Nothing happened of course. They didn't do anything about it.... just wait until it gets worse.

I feel so guilty..... as most of you know, I am the only one taking care of mom and have been since September. Well, I'm ashamed to admitt that when she went into the hospital and they had her in a room and comfortable, I was so relieved to have her there. Not for any Noble reason, just that I needed a break. I was worried of course, but I hate to say it..... I was glad she was gone for a day or two. That sounds just awful. I am so ashamed of myself for that, I am thankful that she is still with me and I wouldn't want her to live with anyone else, I want to take care of her. I was just so tired. That's no excuse is it? When I think about all of you wonderful people out there that have lost your loved ones and would give anything to have them back I don't feel worthy to be here.

I just needed to confess my sins to you all..... don't ask me why, I just do, this disease is so horrible in so many diferent ways.

I'm sorry if I have made anyone angry. I'm sure it did, to hear someone say that they wanted there loved one to be away for a little while.

I will keep you all in my prayers. I hope you have a nice valentines day.

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You shouldn't feel guilty. If I remember you have no help from your mom's family or friends. This disease is a nightmare to deal with. I can't imagine not having help or time to get out. Fortunately my husband hasn't been too sick. I try to get out a couple of times a week. My children will stay with Gianni if needed.

Even with the help and support we still have to deal with everything. I know that I have my 3 children to help when necessary which does help me keep sane.

Have you ever heard of respite care? People come and stay with the sick person while the caretaker goes out for awhile. I'm not sure where to go, maybe call the hospital. This might help you get out.


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I'm going to speak from the "one who has it" side. Take a break. Even when I was at my worst, during the immediate period of time following my two sugeries, I was always concerned about my wife and whether she was getting enough rest. I found out, at night, she would lay in bed watching me, to make sure I was breathing. During the day, when I would nap, she would lay down beside me, and watch me, again to make sure I was breathing. I finally told her, that if something happened, she would know it, by instinct alone, she would know it.

When your mother gets home, take care of her, yes, but make sure you are getting time for yourself. If you need time, call another family member, or a friend, to come and stay with her. Your mother would probably enjoy that and she would probably feel better knowing that you are getting time for yourself as well. When you take that time for yourself, make it a treat, go out for lunch or supper, do some shopping, anything that will get your mind off things for awhile. As lung cancer patients/survivors we can do some surprising things, even taking care of ourselves, albeit for short periods, or even long periods.

I will not downplay the fact that lung cancer is scary, it is very scary, and I am speaking as one who has, and is, surviving it. Being told I had prostate cancer, or colo-rectal cancer, I probably could have handled, because I have watched many friends get through those very well, but being told I had lung cancer, that was different. I did, early on, make up my mind that I could beat lung cancer, and just maybe your mother has done that as well.

You are really doing ok, but just remember you have your life too, so try to balance between the two.

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Dear Renee,

I know exactly how you feel. I too am a lone care taker. I had to move in with my mom and leave my husband and 4 animals at home. I'm just 1 mile away but I have been gone for 4 months. I know those feelings of guilt. I couldn't wait for my sister to come from far away to spend the weekend with mom. I wanted to go home. I was tired of the disease. Just last week mom got very confused and could not swallow her chewed up food. I was told to take her to the hospital. I thought 'oh good, a little break. mom will get some much needed care and be home in a few days.' Much to my surprise mom will not be coming home. She has gotten worse and can not speak. She can no longer communicate with blinking her eyes either. The cancer is taking over her body. Guilt? No. At first I felt bad that I had those thoughts of being free. But being a caregiver is not about becoming super woman. It's about giving what you can and knowing when to breath so you can keep giving. Each day I walk into the hospital I know how much she appreciates my giving up so much of my time to care for her.

So breath Renee. And know your loved and appreciated for all you do. Keep fighting the battle. Everyday is worth it!

Susan C.

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Renee, you have nothing to be ashamed of, and everything to be proud of. You are human, you love your mom and as the only caretaker you are becoming physically AND emotionally exausted. There is no shame in wanting a break, or being relieved when you get one. Taking care of a loved one who is sick is a major undertaking. I live on Long Island, and we have a program called RESPITE. There are different types, some for parents of children with various disabilities and others for those who are in your situation-the caregivers of a loved one that needs either constant supervision or help with eating, getting dressed, etc. If you contact the hospital that your mom was in and ask to speak with a social worker, or even if you call a social services type organization, they should be able to point you in the right direction. RESPITE consists of people trained in assisting someone in your shoes, they are caring people that will sit with your mom for a few hours and make sure her needs are met, as well as just to spend time with her. If you feel more comfortable, in the beginning you can stay close to home and visit with a neighbor, or even just go to a quiet place in your home and read a book, or you may want to just go to get a cup of coffee and "get out" for a little while. This would afford you a much needed and required break. Visits can be scheduled on a regular basis, and may require a small fee from you, but are also subsidized by government funding. I worked for an agency that provided these services and it was a well run and much needed program. I hope this was of some help. As you continue to take care of your mom, please try to take care of yourself, too. It is good that you shared your feelings, and your feelings are not only understandable, but COMPLETELY NORMAL!! Don't beat yourself up over it. That is why there are various volunteer groups and respite programs, because they are needed and understandably so. Please take care of yourself. Deb

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Dont feel guilty you have done with you can. Everyone needs a break or you yourself may get sick and thats the last thing your mom needs. 2 weeks ago, I had symptoms of a heart attack, but doctors said it may be anxiety. I have no idea why I got those symptoms.

Its natural to feel guilty because our loved ones are suffering, do what you can, but dont worry about taking a break.

I hope your mom gets better. We all are trying to deal with things during these difficult times. I wish the best for you and everyone.

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