kate1621 Posted July 28, 2004 Share Posted July 28, 2004 Hi all, My SO is newly diagnosed, tests still being done. Needless to say, my life has been turned upside down, with the worst still ahead of us. He's been dealing w/a high fever on and off this week, too. I'm starting to feel defeated. Running to appointments, the ER, work, up and down w/him all night long--I'm just plain tired. I ran to pharmacy today, pharmacist was singing my praises, Oh mighty saint, and I just wanted to cry. I'm weak, constantly trying to "catch up", feeling like I'm failing miserably. Not exactly the actions of a saint. He's very uncooperative. I'm already prodding and cajoling just to get the fever addressed, and we haven't even started treatment yet. I know he's scared, overwhelmed, but my patience is wearing thin with his inaction. My lack of sleep isn't helping my temperament either. It certainly takes a special kind of person to do what I need to do, I just hope there's some sort of learning curve, as I acclaimate myself. Thanks for being here--though I'm just now posting, I've been visiting for awhile. Regards, Kate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted July 28, 2004 Share Posted July 28, 2004 My priest told a story a couple of weeks ago that seems applicable. I remember being a kid and my dad taking me to baseball games. And he always handed me my ticket right as we got to the turnstiles. Any sooner, and I might have lost it. Any later, and I couldn't have gotten in. And I think that is the way God is with our strength. We don't think we can do it. We don't have the energy; we don't have the patience; we don't have enough substance. But the love we have for our spouse or child or parent is sufficient that we do get it done. Right now you are at the gate, and I promise that the ticket through will be there in time. Act like you know what you are doing until you do know what you are doing. I am sorry you need to be here, but happy that you have found us. Best wishes. Curtis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3boys4amy Posted July 28, 2004 Share Posted July 28, 2004 Hi Kate. Like you, my father was just diagnosed. I am still so scared and tired and just don't know how to handle this. I have epilepsy, and have had at least 5 seizures today alone. I have the smaller ones, so having that many isn't that big a deal. I worry about my health and if I will be able to care for dad the way he needs cared for. I live in Florida with my husband and children and have my own life now. He lives in West Virginia and has no one, except his girlfriend. He has several friends who can help out, but no family. I know that God will help me through this. And I know that God can help you too. I will pray for your SO and for you. Please rest assured that God doesn't give us more than we can handle, although sometimes we don't see it that way. Best of luck to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stand4hope Posted July 29, 2004 Share Posted July 29, 2004 Hi Kate. It gets better - it really does. The cancer is unpredicatable and it depends on the type, the person, the diagnosis, how advanced it is, etc., etc., and I'm not referring to that. What I am talking about is the coping. The first couple of weeks are the toughest. Your whole psyche will adjust to your new life now dealing with this disease, and you will settle in and begin to accept the new "c" word in your life. The work you have to do may or may not let up, and how your hubby deals with this whole thing is going to be up to him. I know it's hard, but try to be patient with him. Give him time for this whole thing to soak in. I'm not the one with cancer and can't describe the different phases or emotions he will go through, but others who will talk to you can do just that. Like you, I am the caregiver, the observer, the do-er - getting the appointments, reminding, making sure we have the films and on and on. It's good that you are there for your hubby to help do these things because I think they are so overwhelmed, especially at first, that they sometimes just freeze. Hang on tight. You'll be ok and we'll help. God bless you, Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted July 29, 2004 Share Posted July 29, 2004 Kate, sounds like you are a good caregiver. Caregiver to a significant other is one of the hardest jobs in the world. It requires a three-ring circus --- (1) you take care of him, (2) you take care of the things you normally have done, and (3) you take care of the things he used to do but cannot now do. My wife and daughter did not think I could handle the job and they had lots of evidence to back them up! But, with God's grace and love, and a lot of support from many friends and family, including those here on the board, I was able to rise to the occasion. You can do this too. It is a rough road, but there is hope. You can draw a lot of info and personal support here, so take advantage. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SJAS Posted July 29, 2004 Share Posted July 29, 2004 Hi Kate, I think most of us living with a loved one with lc go through a range of emotions. Sometimes the anger and frustration of dealing with this monstrous disease and the medical procedures and the insurance and ... just take a toll - we have to lash out. This is a good place to do it. We can help remind each other that our loved ones are also going through a rollercoaster of hope, fear, pain and depression. As much as we want to be saints, we can't. Don't beat up on yourself (cancer already does a pretty good job of it!). I find that a good solitary walk where I can rage, or cry or whatever is a good place to start. Find what works for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lilyjohn Posted July 29, 2004 Share Posted July 29, 2004 I second what everyone else has told you. A few years ago I found myself in the same place you are now. I was uneducated about cancer and very frightened. I will never forget the day that Johnny looked at me and asked what he had done to deserve that. The look on his face tore my heart out. I cared for him alone the whole time. I know that I made mistakes and often I became impatient just as you have. I also got little sleep and tried to handle everything alone. His family were of no help to us. Because of that experience and what it has cost me I have one very important piece of advice. Find someone who can help out once in a while. No one can do it all alone no matter how much you love someone or how hard you try. It is physically and emotionally impossible without input from someone else. It may be only emotional support that you both need but you do need support. Do anything that you have to to get that. If I had it to do again I would beg threaten and rage to get the help that I needed, the help that Johnny needed. This is one area where we don't get a second chance and that is something very hard to live with. From your post I sense that you are just as alone in this battle as we were. There is help out there. Do all you can to find it. In the mean time come here with your questions and your fears as well as your tears. We have either already traveled the road that you are on or are traveling it now. It is a much smoother road when you are not alone. God Bless and help you to have the strength that you will need. My prayers are with you. Lillian Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kate1621 Posted July 29, 2004 Author Share Posted July 29, 2004 Well, w/all your input, I guess I can face this new day w/ a renewed hope that I can do this. Thanks for that. It's comforting to know that anger/frustration is just par for the course. Yesterday I really felt like a monster for feeling less than compassionate/kind. I have no real help, only hinderance, and correcting that is going to be a little tough, but it sounds like I've got to get around that. Thanks so much, Kate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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