Fay A. Posted July 31, 2004 Share Posted July 31, 2004 I take great pains to look well. I'm an artist, so I have been able to use makeup to present a "healthy" facade......up until recently. In the past month my face has taken on a cast that no amount of warpaint can disguise. So, over the past weeks, when I have gone out with my husband, I've noticed the quick look he is given by the ladies, the calculating look given to me (she's obviously ill...how much longer does she have?), followed by the not so subtle flirting with my husband. My marriage has been very rocky, so this isn't me being jealous of the attention paid to him (I never said he was unattractive), but rather my feeling as if I am at best, invisible, and at worst, found to not be worth the decency of waiting until I am dead to hit on him. My ego has been taking some hard hits these days...Guess the Good Lord thinks I need some extra humbling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stand4hope Posted July 31, 2004 Share Posted July 31, 2004 Fay, your post makes me feel so sad. Of course you know that beauty is only skin deep. Fay, your inner beauty supercedes that of the most physically beautiful woman in the world - and don't you ever forget it. Remember, God looks at the heart and that is ALL that he looks at. I know He has to be very pleased with your heart. God loves you!!!! And so do I!!!! Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeckyCW Posted July 31, 2004 Share Posted July 31, 2004 Fay, I'm so sorry you've been subjected to such crass and horrid behavior. All I can say is... If your husband ever someday ends up with one of these kind of women, he's getting exactly what he deserves. You, on the other hand, deserve much, much better -- from strangers (male or femole) and especially from your husband. No matter how rocky the marriage, he's your husband, and if he allows others to flirt with him, especially with you present (whether or NOT you were sick, but especially under the circumstances), he doesn't deserve to tie your shoelaces. Sorry, I know anger doesn't help. I just wish people would be kinder to each other. BeckyCW Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fall54 Posted July 31, 2004 Share Posted July 31, 2004 Fay, There was a reason your husband married you and I am sure it was not just outside beauty. He saw your mind and your heart I am very sure of that. Dont lessen yourself to anyone. Stand proud and KNOW you are worth it!! Yes, you are ill and that does make added stress on a marriage but it also should add more love and compassion. Have you talked to your husband about this or is it perhaps just how you are feeling about yourself?? If you have talked to him, has he told you why he married you and how much he still loves you?? Ask him if you havent. It may be something you need to hear. I think you are a wonderful giving person as I am sure everyone here does. As peggy told you beauty is from within and you are very beautiful. God Bless You Fay, Jane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nushka Posted July 31, 2004 Share Posted July 31, 2004 Fay, I can't imagine how that must feel....how dare he let this kind of thing go on! It gets my dander up. You are a wonderful person and I am sure still beautiful. Just because you are sick doesn't mean you are not still a woman...a person...a human being with feelings. Can't say much to comfort you except you deserve much, much better. As Jane said, talk to him. Tell him how it makes you feel. As usual, you are in my daily prayers. Nina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fay A. Posted July 31, 2004 Author Share Posted July 31, 2004 Can't blame my husband on this one, ladies....He doesn't do anything to "instigate" this except to be an attractive man of a certain age who will obviously be available in the future. I guess this is yet another one of life's little character building episodes... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest bean_si (Not Active) Posted July 31, 2004 Share Posted July 31, 2004 Let's face it. Some women are clingy, needy parasites. They don't seem to know how to exist without a man. I think you're running into a mound of them. Pity the buggers. You're not invisible. They're way too visible. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Cheryl- Posted August 1, 2004 Share Posted August 1, 2004 Fay, Your post really touched me. This damn disease strips you of so much. It can make even the most confident of people feel insecure. My husband is so respectful of me. He never even looks at another women in my presensence. Yet all I could think of for a while was how I will die, and Jack will find pleasure in some other woman's arms. I even thought...."I wonder if they will bury him next to her or me?" I have always been confident of myself, but how do you feel confident bald and ravished. What can I offer him now? I told him that he should remarry. I was crushed when he agreed! I have to put myself in his shoes though. The man can't cook, can't sew, isn't very clean, and is a loner. He needs a companion. My husband now says that he will never remarry. That is nice of him to make me feel better, but I am afraid he'll grab up the first thing to look his way! Ha! I don't want him to be alone. That is way selfish. I will try to die a good death, with as much dignity as possible. Fay, just love yourself my darling. You have much to give still! Cheryl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teresag Posted August 1, 2004 Share Posted August 1, 2004 Dear Fay, I'm sorry that the rudeness of some people has hurt you. Forge on, and let them debase themselves if they wish. You have more dignity than they can dream of. - Teresa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KC Posted August 1, 2004 Share Posted August 1, 2004 Fay, I am sorry that these desperate, pathetic, needy creatures are making you, a wonderful, beautiful WOMAN, feel that way. Please know that you, my dear, are a diamond in the rough, they, on the other hand, are a dime a dozen. I love you. True beauty comes from within, remember that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
norme Posted August 1, 2004 Share Posted August 1, 2004 Fay, I read this post last night and started to post to it but couldn't I don't know how. Right now I am stumbling for words. You are a lovely person. I don't know your spouse. In fact, I didn't know you were married. I don't remember you ever speaking of him. At this point in your life, don't focus on him, focus on Fay. What Fay likes to do, what makes her day. If he follows, fine, if not to he//////. It's Fay's world now..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remembering Dave Posted August 1, 2004 Share Posted August 1, 2004 crap, I have no idea what to say about that. I guess that sucks - that's the only thing that comes to mind. But I have to agree with what Cat said. You're OK, Fay. There's alot of stupid people out in the world and you must be running into a few of them. God Bless, Karen C. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted August 1, 2004 Share Posted August 1, 2004 A friend of mine told me she had already picked out her husband's next wife - and she wasn't such a great catch either. She wanted him to look back and remember her as the prize. I understand Fay and those women may not even realize they are doing it so obviously. It seem a pitiful thing for them to do, really. And not caring for anyone but themselves. Easy to say, I know, but I think it is a kind of baser side of being human for some people to act this way. Maybe there isn't much to be done but don't let them into your life and thoughts, make them invisible. He picked you. You are at his side. They are just wanna-bes without much class. It would be nice to have a snappy comeback - how about when you see something like that, see if hubby will cooperate, hold hands, even a little PDA (public display of affection) just to correct the mood? He may really hate doing that but he might do it for you. Or - you do have an excuse to say or do what manners did not allow in the past. Maybe you could just be blunt and call it what it is, right out loud. Everyone would be horrified - but you could do it. Margaret Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DollyPardonMe Posted August 1, 2004 Share Posted August 1, 2004 I read your post today and it touched my heart deeply. I don't know what to say to help you with this but know I wish you could feel differently about this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted August 1, 2004 Share Posted August 1, 2004 Fay, Hmmm....tough one to discuss... Here's what I did in a similar situation (and God knows, I ain't sayin' I'm right, I'm sayin' it's what HAPPENED! LOL): Hubby has been taking dance classes since separating from his first wife this last time. I haven't known him that long, didn't start taking lessons with him until we started dating... SO, obviously, he's had other dancing partners... The first class we went to after my diagnosis, etc., one of his former (dance only) partners walked in behind him, CARESSED HIS BACK and started talking to him. I had been sitting at a table with Andrew (my son) and he asked me who the woman was when she walked in...and THEN she did as I said... I stood up, walked over, looked her directly in the eye and said, "DON'T touch my HUSBAND". (Hell, I don't know who of the three of us was more shocked!) Ya know, no one has touched him since, even to punch him in the arm?? I know that you're a lot like me....really. Admit it. I'm REALLY surprised you didn't step in on whatever was flirtingly said to your spouse! Or if it's a winky-winky thing, ask the hussy what she has in her eye! Touchy-feely? Ask her if she'd like to keep her fingers because you can SURELY remove them for her if she doesn't do it herself... CHERYL! My goodness, how did Jack's mom let him out of the house without knowing how to take care of himself?? WOW! Start teaching him to take care of himself and that should help YOU out some, too! Love you girls! C'mon Fay, you are NOT invisible, you just aren't quite up to your usual fiestiness. Fashion a T-shirt - "Kiss a frog, get a prince...kiss a prince, turn into a frog..." Take care, Becky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrea Posted August 2, 2004 Share Posted August 2, 2004 Fay, Women can be, well you know, b-t-h's. Big time. Just ignore them and enjoy having a handsome man on your arm! My mother in law has a single woman who is desperate to find a man and my mom said to me "just watch, when _____ meets your father, she is going to flirt as if i am already in the grave.". And yup, it happened. Of course my dad had no clue. We laugh about it now Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrea Posted August 2, 2004 Share Posted August 2, 2004 Fay, Women can be, well you know, b-t-h's. Big time. Just ignore them and enjoy having a handsome man on your arm! My mother in law has a single woman who is desperate to find a man and my mom said to me "just watch, when _____ meets your father, she is going to flirt as if i am already in the grave.". And yup, it happened. Of course my dad had no clue. We laugh about it now Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SJAS Posted August 2, 2004 Share Posted August 2, 2004 Fay, This kind of stuff just blows me away. Can't wait to see what karma has in store for those poor excuses of womanhood. I loved Snowflake's approach - so much better than my indignant, "Excuuuuuse me!" followed by a withering look. You're a treasure Fay and if your husband has any doubts, bring him to the board and let us at him!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhutch1366 Posted August 2, 2004 Share Posted August 2, 2004 Fay, I'm with Norme on this one. It's about YOU now. You are classy, beautiful, warmhearted.... on the inside. On the outside, you're pretty cool too. WE ALL ARE. No matter the scars, the lumps, the bumps. We are operating on a different plane than those silly witches, let them play their games. Remember what is really important, and it isn't them. Love you, XOXOXOXOXOXOX Prayers always, MaryAnn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Connie B Posted August 2, 2004 Share Posted August 2, 2004 Here's a little story I want to share with you. As some of you know, my hubby and I went to Vegas last week to buy a winter place to run away to. Well we did and all is fine. However, while we were there, we went to a couple of shows. While we were sitting waiting for the show to start, one of the waitresses came over to take our drink order. She had on a skimpy cute little outfit with a shape to die for, perky boobs, young skin, little waist, etc....... I nicely looked at her and said, "I remember when I looked like you many moons ago!" Now mind you, that wasn't an insult but rather just me remembering way back WHEN!!! My hubby said to me, "well, now they know what they will look like 20 years down the road"! Oh by the way, the waitress got a good laugh out of it as well. Bless her heart! Fay, all I can say is this: To know YOU is to LOVE YOU!!! Your heart is bigger then all of Texas so I think that is the most beautiful quality anyone could ever have!!!! And I have NO DOUBT my freind your one heck of a LOOKER!!! Besides don't they say, "Beauty is only skin deep?" Much Love to you, Con Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ginnyde Posted August 2, 2004 Share Posted August 2, 2004 Fay, Something has happened to me that has never happened before - I am at a lose for words. This happening is beyond my realm of comprehension. If I were you I would snuggle up to my husband's arm quite casually. A quick story - we are a 2nd marriage - married in 1978. A few years ago we were at Ear's daughter's house and his exwife told me she didn't think we looked happy since we were not very affectionate. When we left I told Earl that I would prefer not being in her company again. He said that would limit when he could see his kids. I agreed under the condition that the whole time we were in her company I would blow in his ear and he would fondle (insert body part). Fay, you deserve Tom Cruise peeling grapes and feeding them to you while you are getting a pedicure. Beauty is strength, respect, honor, courage, caring, so many words, but not just a good looking face. Love ya, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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