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Warning! This is touchy

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I'm sitting at this computer this morning filled with grief and sadness. We have lost three lovely members of this family in the last two days and it's almost more than I can bear. Is this healthy? Should I/we really be here?

Obviously, I know the "up" side of being a member of this family - you're all there for me, and I'm there for you. We support each other, encourage each other, vent, rant, joke, share, cry, become friends, and fall in love. But then wham - down comes that hammer on one of our loved ones, and like this week, the hammer doesn't come back up.

I've told this before, but shortly after I joined, I almost quit when Peg's beloved Bill died. Then right after that, Curtis lost Becky whom I didn't even know, and everyone was torn apart. After Bill died, I wrote to Ry about how I was feeling and she told me she understood how I felt but that she couldn't NOT come here. I feel that as well, but at the same time I can't help but ask myself if this good. Right now, it doesn't feel good and it doesn't feel right. Is it just emotion overload?

It's been bad enough losing my mom, my Nana, and my dad in the last five years. They were my last links to my heritage, and now I'm facing that potential with my husband as well. This story is the same for many, many of you. Are we doing the right thing being here for each other? How can I stay here and bear this heartache? I am really hurting this morning, my friends - I'm hurting real bad, and I know a lot of you are as well.

My husband is out cutting the grass right now - the picture of health. I look out the window and tears roll off my cheeks because of what has happened here this week.

I'm rambling. I don't know where this is going? I don't know what my point is. I don't know what I'm feeling. Just wondering if I should stick around. I've got to go the bank - it closes in 15 minutes. Life goes on.

Love to all,


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This is going to be short b/c I am literally out the door to get my hair done for my brother in laws wedding, but had ot check the board first.

I had the exact conversation with the girls at the oncologist office on Wed. I was joking and telling them how crazy I am and how I read obsessively and check my cancer board every day. They said "why do you do that? That is not healthy for you.". I said b/c I love the people and feel real emotions, my body physically gets chills when I read certain posts, etc. They said "ok, but it is not good for you".

So obviously there are two mindsets about coming to a board like this and i don;t think there is a right or wrong. I realize now I have no point to makme, except sharing what thet girls said. When I say girls I mean the nurses, phy sicaian assisant, and medical assistant. They are so nice :)

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I have been asking myself the same questions. I think now that my life has been touched twice in 2 years with cancer ( My Sister also had stage 2b breast cancer last year and had a double masectomy) that I will always want to help and support cancer. I have come to love this family of people here and I cant let go. I am also hurting terribly this morning. Like you I know we will watch some of our dear friends pass away and some of our dear friends be grief stricken. I have to ask myself though... Isent that what friends are for?? to be there for one another? My definition of friendship is. I think the reason it becomes such an obsession to be on the board and checking it all the time is that changes happen all the time. many are good changes and with them brings hope. There is hope for everyone on this board and there are also miracles. Like David say's dont just believe in them... depend on them!! We are here to help our friends fight with everything they have. Thats enough reason for me. I love you girl and I know how hard this is but we all get our rewards in Heaven.

God Bless us all,


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My motherinlaw says the same thing to me--how can I stand to see people suffering. And I'm going to try to post what I said to her.

I am stage 1A with a very good survival statistic. However, I am well aware that all it takes is one sneaky cell, or perhaps another tumor will show up in my body somewhere.

I come here daily because it is a safe place for me to fall. No one pats me on the head and tells me I'll be fine, when I'm really scared to death. I can say here that I have a pain or an ache, and hear they say of course you are scared.

I also come here because---now this is the sensitive part, and sorry if I offend anyone--- but I learn from everyone who is in active treatment. I got lucky, that is all that separates me from others. People think I am "amazing" to have dealt with what I have. I am finding those of you in treatment and living on with your lives the amazing ones.

If my cancer were to return, because of this board I know I would handle it and deal with it, because you all are. I told my MIL that I am well aware of my own mortality. We all will leave this earth. But I have learned here that cancer returning does not mean the end.

And for you caregivers--it has given me a glimpse into the world my family lives with. Because of reading your thoughts and feelings, I have opened my heart and let others in to help. I have gone from "I'm brave, I can go for a follow up visit alone" to "I don't want to go alone, will you come with me".

When I was early on here, we had some deaths that really knocked me for a loop. I was leaving here--I did not need to see this daily. I did not need reminders that cancer is a serious disease. But I have learned so much through these deaths that help me with my daily life. And to separate the "trash" in the world to the BEAUTY of it.

And when I worry about dying I tell myself "I could be hit by a bus tomorrow"

Thanks for your post, and helping me to say what I have been thinking for a long time


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Peggy -

Everyones situation is different and everyone's reactions are different. I/we fully understand when a member needs to "step away" - whether temporarily or permanently.

Just like it's hard to get "good news" in the midst of others here receiving "bad news".

It HAS been a rough couple of days - and I've shed my tears too. I'm at a totally different stage (remission) than most on this board, and my emotions are probably VERY different than those of some of the others when one of our dear friends here passes.

Feel what you feel, hold your hubby close and figure out what is right for YOU at this point. Sometimes just a few days off the board can make a difference.....

Hugs and prayers,


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(1) Take a break from the board here. You obviously are being weighed down by being here, and a break will do you good.

(2) Each person at any given time has to decide whether it is good for them or not to be here. No one else can judge that for them. It is hard to see the suffering but it is also rewarding for me to receive such support for Lucie and myself, and to be able to give to so many.


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I come because I need the board and I feel like the board needs me. Part of life right now. Yes, it is sad. The past couple of days I was so worried about certain people that I came several times a day just to check for news. But it is happy and human and connectedness, too, in a way it would be hard to find anywhere else for us.

Just a thought and I'm not sure it even relates. In the old days death was a part of life. In one's family, one's home, community. It was always a part of everyone's experience from early childhood. We are artificially separated from it in these modern times until it does hit close to us - and we scarcely know what to do about it. Maybe it is more healthy to see life as it really is and that includes troubles. Maybe it is even practice for what must come to us all ... That is a raggedy way to say it but maybe it is better to know your opponent than to just wing it.

It has been a sad sad time. They seem to come all at once.

I guess the bottom line is - go by your gut feeling. If you want it or need it, come. If it is too hard given present circumstances, don't come or take a break.

You are a special person. You have helped so many and I am sure you will again. Maybe you do need a vacation just to get back into the everyday pleasures. Whatever you decide will be right for you and you can change your mind anytime.

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Peggy, I think this is an important topic, and I appreciate you posting it. I, too, have had people ask me why I do this -- and it's a legitimate question, especially at a time of such loss when we're all at our computers crying so much. I also appreciate the answers you've gotten already.

I noticed that when Peg (who lost Bill) posted the other day that she feels it's time to leave, everyone seemed to understand and send her only messages of support and love. She made a decision that was easy to understand, and even though many will miss her, we're happy she is taking care of herself and her daughter in the way she needs to.

I'm sure that time will come for all of us, but it may take days, months, weeks or years. Or decades. It's such an individual decision, and I hope we'll all respect everyone's decisions always.

For me, I come because... well, first because my brother asked me to. Even when he first told me about this, I didn't really get involved because I thought it was more for patients and maybe their spouses, and I had this idea that maybe people should have the privacy to post whatever they wanted without others snooping, or something. I had it all wrong, as I later learned and discussed with David. One day they called to ask me to post an update when they'd gone to the emergency room, and I did. That was my dive into this community, and I guess I'm here to stay.

I do sometimes feel "on overload" and have to take a step back for a few days at a time. I find myself feeling guilty that I don't step into the "new folks introduction" forum as often as I should. And while I care about everyone, I focus more attention on some than others and wonder if that's right. But I think it's only human to connect more closely with some than with others, and I hope the web of connections we weave together is very broad and inclusive.

This community is here for me, and my biggest problem is feeling guilty that I'm not always as "here" for it as I should be. On the other hand, like you said, we need to live our lives and there is a balance we each need to find. I don't think it's easy. We all have people in our "virtual" world and in our "physical" world, and we have a limited amount of time... and emotional capacity, I guess. And the balance seems to change from day to day for us all.

Anyway, I'm rambling and not giving any answers... just more thoughts. I do know that I'm too thankful for the support I get here to even consider leaving for a very long time. And I'm even more thankful for the support that David & Karen get from all you wonderful people.

Peggy, you just trust your heart and do what's best for you and your husband. I'm sorry you're hurting so bad this morning. I think we all are, it's a bad, sad time. I'm wishing you some happy moments today.


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You are right, sometimes caring doesn't feel good. Not at all. But then I ask myself what the options are. And I don't like those options at all. You see, in order to stop hurting when things like this happen, I'd have to stop caring. And being a recovering drug addict I've lived in that dark, dead place where I didn't care about anybody or anything. I will not go back there.

We deal every day with a potentialy fatal illness. That is part of the hand we've been delt and we all know it. For many folks that realization causes them to turn away from the world. To hide from the reality in front of them. They turn away from friends and family and end up alone in their own minds. They hide under the covers and tell themselves the monster under the bed isn't really there.

But WE DON'T DO THAT. Not here. Here we haul that monster out from under the bed and stare him right in the eye. No matter how afraid we are we tell the monster, "Yes, I know what you are and I know what you can do. And you might as well take your best shot because I will NEVER be beaten by you!". And then we enter the fight. Each in our own way. Each with our own strengths and weaknesses.

And we come here. Because we know where one of us might be weak, another will be strong. And we know we can't do this alone. So we come here to dip a little into that "spirit pool" that we all also add to by being here.

So we come here and we fight the monster. And sometimes the monster wins. And it hurts. It hurts because we care. It hurts because we know, deep down inside, that the next time the monster wins it could be us, or someone we love.

BUT THE MONSTER DOESN'T ALWAYS WIN! Not every time. And it is my opinion that one big reason the monster doesn't win all the time is because we are here, and because we are willing to pay the price of caring.

Peggy, take a break if you need to. We all need time away from this disease and the price it extracts. But, from me to you, don't leave us for too long. It's folks like you and over a thousand others like you on this board that have allowed me to fight MY monster. And win! I know this disease will probably kill me .... but it will NEVER beat me. Not as long as THIS place and YOU people are here!


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Dearest Sweet Peggy --

There are givers and takers in this world my friend and you most notably are the giver which I think is probably some of what you could be feeling tooo -- so so much giving and giving and giving and losing nontheless. I've felt that way, at least for me these last few months, as I watched my own husband struggle to stand tall, and keep on and on and on.....

These are my own personal thoughts Peg. That maybe you SHOULD take a break from here for a while. [maybe you HAVE absorbed toooo much of our energies, coupled with your own personal emotional overload?]. I can share with you what was shared with me and that is we must protect ourselves in what ever way, whatever manner that looks like Peg. Not just physically from exhaustion -- but mentally as well.

I don't think it is a coincidence that your id here is "Stand4hope", do you? It tells me that while there can only be one Mother Theresa, you are probably particularly sensitive to the plight of others and receive that same strength from the circle of hope that comes back to you from other people sharing as well. I know that I do.

But there comes a time, and it has come for me, when I must do whatEVER it takes for my OWN internal tapes that repeatedly want my attention and say, "let's shorten those reins Beth -- it's time to look here, to rest, to meditate and pray, to journal and to DO for Beth. And it sounds to me like maybe that is a little of what Peggy may need tooo -- some more nurturing and care, and time for Peggy to rest a while and take care of Peggy.......

Just my thoughts, and nothing more to a sweet friend.

Love, Beth

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I think Dean said it just right.

There are many reasons I come here. One is that it preserves my communion with Becky. I posted a quote by Deitrich Bonhoffer several months ago in the grieving forum that really spoke to me. By coming here I continue to fight against lung cancer in the only way I can think of, by providing support to those on a similar road. I am accepting that my life is not as a lion but as a toothless tabby, and that this toothless tabby can do some good.

I am here because I have learned more about the man I want to be watching Becky battle this disease than in the 30 years prior to that. Lung cancer killed my wife, but it did not ever defeat her. And so here is a place I can tell her story of victory to a set of people who have a chance to understand it a little better. I am here because Becky loved you and you her. And what better way to spend my life than to be surrounded by Becky lovers.

But mainly I come here because when I leave, I am a better man and a better dad. Because having been here, every day is more precious to me. Because having been here, I spend more time counting my blessings and less time cursing my fate.

I can only speak for me. You must find your own reasons. Know that you are loved and will be whether you come back frequently or not. And there is nothing wrong with taking a break when you have to.


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After reading the boards today and hearing about our dear friends we lost... I was completely and utterly defeated... I cried, I cussed, I looked back over their old posts so I could remember their special words and then I said to myself "Why am I doing this to myself? Why am I bringing added sadness into my life?" And I came very close to signing off of the boards for a last time - I just couldn't take another second. Then, I found your post, which I believe God led me too because I very rarely go into the family members/caregivers section. When I read your words I felt like it was myself speaking. Then I read te responses and it all came back to me... why I come here, why I choose to be exposed to hurt, because for every hurt we come across here, there are moments of Joy that we share, moments of laughter, moments of "atta boys", moments of love and caring. And I guess I am not ready or willing to give any of that away. I love you all and WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS... Love, Sharon

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Why do I come here. I have said this to myself many times. Why do I want to have days I will relive Buddy's last days by someone else's ending the same way in a posting.

Well, I come here because when Buddy was so sick, this place gave me comfort and knowledge. I found people who though they did not personally know us, they accepted us for what I posted and they really did and do care about us. They care how I am getting along now. I will get PM's often just saying "HI, how are you", been thinking about you today. God, that is just so great to read. Someone, somewhere really cares about how I am.. That is just so amazing. But hey, I feel the same way about all of you. I do care how you are. I care for the person who has the lc, whether they are in remission or are fighting for their life each day. I am here to speak to them, to tell them they are loved by me. To tell them to fight for the right to live if that is what God plans. Then I care for the caregivers. They to are a special breed of people. They have such devotion to their loved ones or they would not have found this sight.

If I can just give a hello, how are you today to to someone who appreciates it then I to am happy.

I don't know how long I will stay on here but for now I am happy for those who are doing well and sad for those who are having trouble and devastated by those that pass on but we all one day will pass on and not a one of us knows when or how. Only that Man above knows that.... so why do I come here. Because I hope my little postings helps someone somehow just a little as they helped me in the past and still do...

God Bless all of you.

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I subscribe to Franklin Covey's weekly quotes which I receive in my email. This was the first one on the list of five:

“I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good therefore that I can do, or any kindness or ablities that I can show to any fellow creature, let me do it now. Let me not defer it or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.”

~William Penn

How timely was that? Sharon, you're right. God gives us what we need when we need it. I have always believed that God speaks to us 99% of the time through other people. We are all His voice. Today, He spoke to me through all of you, and I just bet He also spoke to a lot of others that read this thread and didn't post. Sharon, it also made me feel better to know that someone else reacted exactly the same way that I did.

Norme, doesn't that Penn quote kind of summarize everything you said in your post? You're right also about people worrying about you. Just last week I sent you a PM asking if things were getting better for you, and we had a nice chat back and forth. Remember? I'm glad those things help you, and it helps me, too.

Everything every one of you said was so on target, so heartfelt and so much appreciated. I know everything you said to be true, and that's exactly why I will keep coming back. I can't guarantee that I'm not going to be ripped apart when tragedy hits us like it has this week, but I can tell you that even though I fall hard, I rally quickly. I do know that everyone that has left us is now so much better off. I can't predict how I will be if something happens to my hubby, but if it does, I pray that I would also then rally quickly and be here for all of you.

Beth, what you wrote I think was the closest to how I feel. I began crying again when I read your words, as well as Dean's. I do so much enjoy giving, and must admit that I'm not very good at receiving. My son's psychologist is trying to get me to come talk to her, but it is very awkward for me to talk about me. I would much rather be here talking to you about you. I don't like to tell others about my troubles and seldom do unless I get very close to them. I need to work on that.

When I post on this board, my whole heart is in every word I say. I could sit at this computer and write to all 1300 people all day and never get tired of doing it. I've tried to cut back on posting because I have neglected some things in my home, but I'm drawn here like a magnet. I believe that the pain I feel for all that are suffering is actually Christ in me like the Bible says. And, if that's true, then let me tell you, the love that He has for all of you is very deep and very real.

I was hurting so much this morning, that I turned to the Lord in prayer and asked Him to put me where He wanted me. Later, I read Beth's post and the following words of Jesus immediately came to me. I will close with them:

“If you give, you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full measure, pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, and running over. Whatever measure you use in giving--large or small--it will be used to measure what is given back to you.”

~Jesus, Luke 6:38

I love you all so much.

God bless you,


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Like everyone else I come here for many reasons. When I first joined this board I was so full of anger that I'm sure that I nearly frightened everyone away. All I wanted to do was tell my story. I wanted my words to get back to Johnny's doctors so they would see that they had gotten away with nothing. It took me a while to settle into this place and once I did I could never leave.

Today I was writing about when I joined here and what I found. I also wrote that my anger was a cry for help. I recieved that help time and time again. Every time I come here I know in my heart that I am still crying for help but now the help I need is different. I am helped with every piece of good news. I'm helped everytime I see the love that flows from one to another. I am even helped when I see the pain of loss because it reminds me that I am not the only one who has suffered.

Everyone here has become my family. I cry with all of you and I rejoice with all of you. There are many days that I come here time and time again for the connection I have with all of you. That connection is here because no one absolutely no one no matter how well intentioned they are can come close to understanding like the people here. You have to have be affected by this monster in some way to know and understand. Everyone here knows the beast on a first name basis.

I have been told time after time that I am only keeping my pain alive by coming here. I have had it suggested that I have more than enough to deal with already. I just can't leave. In my life time I have had to move on and leave two families behind. I just can't do it again. You are my family just as certainly as the people who I am blood related to.

When it gets too much for me I step back for a while and try to distance myself. I don't stop coming here and reading I only stop posting. I try to answer as many posts as I can but it is not always easy. I can spend hour after hour here and I know that is not healthy. I have to face the other things in my life so I try to limit my time here to one or two hours a day. I don't mean to slight anyone if I don't welcome them. I don't want anyone to think that they mean less to me than someone else. I just answer the first posts that I come to that I feel I have something to say about. I offer my heart when I can and I accept the hearts of others who want to give them.

So now once more I too have rambled on. I am glad that you have decided to stay with us Peggy. It is very hard to lose a family member under any circumstances. Lillian

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I was away from the board for a couple of days but I constantly had Rob and TBone on my mind, so it was the first thing I checked. I felt just like you - like I just can't do it anymore. Then I started to think about something that happened yesterday. We picked up my youngest son and two of his friends in S.F. after they returned from camp. During the 2+hour ride home, I listened to the two other kids chat about their lives and families. It hit like a ton of bricks - we are such a different family now. Our life has so little in common with those who have not experienced cancer. When I come here, I am with family - family who knows and cares and is not "turned off" when I focus on cancer issues. It is a place where I can DO SOMETHING - something that might be helpful - compared to the little bit I seem to be able to do about this monster disease in our own home.

I may take breaks as things get too overwhelming - but I'm so comforted to know that you will all be here for me when I get back. Peggy, I'm so glad you're among them.

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I come here because....

This monster is too big for me to handle alone. Now, I'm sure there are a few of you that know how very hard it is for me to admit that there is something I cannot handle on my own...

There is knowledge here. I know of no one in my area that is living with this disease - NO ONE. There are support groups for breast and prostate cancer survivors, step-parents, parents without partners, etc., but there are no lung cancer groups in my area.

By reading what caregivers post, I can understand what my husband is experiencing - and how absolutely helpless he feels.

Some of the negative experiences are learning experiences for others. Were there not the exchange of information, the same "bad stuff" would happen to more people.

Here, the disease is NOT statistics, it's people. THAT'S what makes it so tough when someone dies, it's NOT a number, it's a family member. We hurt together, but we also HEAL together.

I come for the support, and try to help those that are beginning the journey or are up to their eyeballs in it...and when I feel overwhelmed, I take a break.

Peggy, follow your heart. It hasn't ever led you astray, has it? Maybe you don't need the "time away", maybe you just need some time to yourself. Maybe you need a "Peggy Day"...or just an afternoon... Pamper yourself, get a pedicure or massage...relax.

Mourn the loss, but rejoice in having a chance to share with these wonderful lights of life before they burned out. There is a lot to be learned, most of it is lessons of the heart.



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Well Peggy, I had some of those same feelings this morning when I logged on and found out that TBone had passed. When I saw the post, I just busted out crying. My husband was sitting on the sofa and asked what was wrong. When I told him, his words were, "Angie, why do you do this to yourself??" All I could say was, "I don't know." I thought about it all morning............I was thinking that if I never came here again I wouldn't have to deal with all of the heartache. EVER AGAIN!! But then I thought..........what if I had never come here?? I would have never got to know TBone and his family.(especially TeeTaa......she is a doll.....we have PM'd several times) I would never experienced the wonderful wisdom that Dean Carl has shared with me concerning my Dad. I would have never met my "bestest" e-mail buddy, Shelliemacs. (whom I have been neglecting lately) I would have never met a strong and courageous woman named Fay A. I would have never heard all of the dirty jokes that I missed growing up......thank you Snowflake. I wouldn't have met David A. and got to joke around with him..........women are the superior sex, David. :wink: I would have never met Ry and John, Norme.......sweet Norme..........so many others.........too many to name. And Peggy, I would have never got to meet your beautiful, caring soul. I also thought about what my mental state would be had I not found this site. It is a difficult journey for me. I have no brothers or sisters to share this with. My parents are divorced. That puts me as an only child and the only caregiver my Dad has. He is depending on me and I will not let him down. Not now! After all of these thoughts came flooding in my mind, I figured out why I was here and why I stay. Love. Plain and simple. Love for all of you and love for my Dad. It's been a rough few days around here...........certainly hard to take.

Peggy, you do what feels right in your heart. I'm selfish. I do hope you stay. I ALWAYS look for your responses.......they are straight from the heart. I certainly understand though if you should need to leave us.

Much love to you all!!!

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There is only one reason that I come here aside from asking my silly questions all the time.... the reason is that I CANT LEAVE!!! One day missed on the board and I feel like I HAVE TO CATCH UP! I dont know if we care for each other so much that you guys TRULY are like family or what...but I feel like no matter what... I need to check in with all of you ALL THE TIME!


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I posted the following on Sat. August 1 with a similar warning label under the "Grieving/in Memory" section. I didn't know what else to do with the intense emotions I was feeling, yet again.


I don’t even know how to express my feelings—let alone what forum to post them in (or if I should post them at all!).

I sat here today trying to figure out how I could compose a note to TBone's family with eyes filled with tears; it just hurt so much--and I felt so stupid because although he helped me so much--I never even met him. How could my body be racked with sobs?!?!?

I went searching for some of the wisdom that fills this board, and came across a thread started by KatieB on April 17, 2004: “Grief over those we lost here”.

Many sage—and honest words—on that thread helped, but it was a posting by Mo_Sugar that provided me with the salve I was seeking most.

I hope she would have given me permission to reprint it here, as I am sure I am not alone in my grief at the moment.

On April 21, 2004 she wrote:

The sadness of our losses will be with us always but just think of the love we have shared with people we NEVER would have met if not for this site! People we probably have never talked to, wouldn't know if we tripped over them in the street (cept Snowflake and Ry, the are the ones with the TP rolls). I am just truly amazed that God saw fit to throw a group of people together such as we are and make a "Family" out of them! In todays world where most of us don't even know our neighbors, we have caring and compassion for people all over the country (world) who we will never meet. Amazing! Thank you Katie,Rick and all the pioneers! God Bless you!


Thank you, Mo—for giving me words I needed. You help me even now.

I miss you.




I had to take a break from the board in the late spring. It was simply too much for me, and Geoff didn't tell me certain things that occurred in my "absence" because he knew I would go to pieces at a time when I could not afford to.

Not spending a couple of hours on the board each day (even if it meant I didn't sleep)--reading and responding to posts--made me feel terribly guilty, at first. As Jamie wrote above, "One day missed on the board and I feel like I HAVE TO CATCH UP!". I, too, felt like I was letting people down by not fully being there for them every day. And that--combined with the other factors in my life at the time--was simply too much. There is only so much of me to go around, and I have to parcel it out judiciously. I took a break, without requesting a "hallpass". It was simply what I had to do at the time. But I never left in my heart.

Then I tried to "return". At first I read but did not respond to posts (guilt, yet again)--I didn't have the emotional energy to do otherwise. But at least, I knew how everyone was fairing. And I was astounded at how many "new members" had joined during my brief absence. I was thrilled, on the one hand, that so many new people had found this oasis in their time of need, but I have to admit that it made me feel like a bit of a stranger.

I was a bit scared to start posting again, as I didn't "know" so many of the new people and felt like an interloper. (Especially as I did not have the time to go read all of the posts I had missed to get the full story.) I felt I had lost my "right" to post.

Then I thought about what I would say to anybody who posted the above fears on the board. "Don't be silly. Come back."

On the days my emotional resevoir is empty--I don't visit the site. If I'm slightly better, I "lurk" (and respond only to posts that I feel I am compelled to). On days where I am more myself, again, I try to say "hello" to those I have missed and to get to know those who joined fairly recently.

My posts are even more inarticulate than usual these days, but I imagine Snowflake laughing and telling me to "get over myself"--and post them anyway.

In other words, I take it day by day--one baby step at a time.

And Angie (like Mo, above) is right--I come here because of "Love. Plain and simple."

I think we all understand your feelings, Peggy, albeit in our own ways. We will all respect whatever decision you make, but please know that "taking a break" (even a long one) does not mean that you can't come back whenever you want/need to.


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