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pherrs

Bittersweet story

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I have been reading this forum for about a week, and have found it both informative, and comforting.

My mother was diagnosed with sclc, and last friday had her 1st chemo treatment. She was very sick for 3 days, but is feeling better now.

The real story here starts about 35 yrs ago. My parents were divorced, and my mother left to raise 7 kids alone. I saw my father about 4 times during my childhood, he was in the air force, and when he got out, settled in Delaware. A couple of yrs ago his 3rd wife passed away, and he decided to come to Kansas and try to make up for all the years lost. He stayed at Mom's house while he was here, since they had always been friendly. He made 3 trips here last year, and Mom and I went to Maine to visit relatives with him. He then told her that he was sorry that he had ever let her go and that he would like to move to Kansas and start a relationship with her again. She told him she would love to be friends with him, but couldn't promise him anything else. He went back to DE with no more talk of moving back here. He was here to visit earlier this year, and came back last month for another visit. He was here when Mom was diagnosed. She has worked 50 or 60 hrs a week as a 2nd shift manager at a busy restaurant, and has health insurance through the job. She can take her family medical leave, but after 12 weeks if she is not up to going back to work, they can terminate her, and she could not afford to pay the premiums for the health insurance if she isn't working. The kids have tried to encourage her to slow down for a couple of yrs now, and she would have no part of it. Dad told me he was going to talk to her, and suggest she marry him so he could move in, help pay the bills and his military benefits would cover her medical care, and prescriptions. He was a little afraid to broach the subject, but he helped take care of her through her 1st chemo treatment, leaving her alone when she wanted him to, and being there for her when she needed him. He was planning to go back to DE for a while, and come to visit again later, and she told him "I don't want you to go back"

Lucky him, he didn't have to worry about her turning him down, so he suggested the marriage. The long and short of it is, after 35 yrs and 2 other spouses each, my parents are going to be remarried in a few weeks. He is still here, but will be going to DE to get his things in order, and then moving to Kansas permanently. Mom will use her FML and then retire. How cool is that?

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That is such a beautiful love story. Isn't it amazing how sometimes fate takes over and gives back a little of what it robbed you of? I too was reunited with my first love after over 40 years of seperation and no communication. We were not furtunate enough to have been married either time but we were fortunate enough to love and be loved. That is the greatest of gifts.

I am very sorry that your mom has cancer now. I know how frightening that is for those who love her. Times are changing and there is much that is new seen here everyday. There is always hope and miracles do happen. Just look at your parents now and you will see that!

Unfortunately my Johnny and I didn't get much time but the time we did have was priceless and I will always be grateful for it. I wish your parents many years to recapture and enjoy what they have missed.

You have found a very special place here. This is a place to share all of your experiences both good and bad. It is a place for laughter and tears. It is also a place to vent your anger and frustration. There will always be someone here who cares. Someone who understands what most others don't. So come here whenever you need to. The door is always open and we look forward to your sharing your experiences with us.

Bless you and your parents. May they have a very long time together. Lillian

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It sounds like your dad is really coming through for your mom. That's one thing about cancer - it really stinks most of the time but then there are some wonderful that can come because of it, too.

Praying for the best for your mom, dad and all of you.

Jane

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That proves that all ex's are not all bad. :lol: I think it is wonderful that your dad and mother are getting back together after all these years. I hope she does great with this cancer thing and is around for many more years to enjoy her refound love.

Nina

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Dear Pherrs,

So cool that it brought tears to my eyes!! I pray that your family has lots of wonderful times to make up for all the time lost. LOVE shines through every time!!!

God Bless you all,

Jane

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That's awesome! Everything happens for a reason, you know? I hope your parents now have MANY MANY more years together and I bet they are more in love, OR will be more in love, than ever before.

Please stick with us and keep us posted, your family is a real inspiration!

God Bless,

Karen C.

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I noticed the similarities the moment I read this story. As usual I have some thoughts on what Karen said about loving each other more.

There is nothing that can compare with the first days and weeks that two people discover each other and know that it is a deep love that they are sharing. Nothing that is except recapturing that love many years later.

When you are young so many things are thrown into the mix and the love you have can sometimes be strained or often it is put on hold for one reason or another. In my case it was someone elses interferance. Each of us spent many years in marriages that just never worked out. The reason for that was simple. We just didn't belong there. We never comunicated nor did we allow ourselves to think about each other.

I will always believe that the dream I had that sent me searching for Johnny was a very special gift for both of us. Once together again we didn't dwell on the mistakes of the past. Ours or anyone elses. Naturally we had regrets and wished that we would have had years together.

I have learned one very valuable lesson about love. Love is the most beautiful gift a person can recieve. I don't mean just being loved. I mean being able to love too. The time Johnny and I had together was much too short and I am still very angry about that and feel cheated. I am also very humbled because I know that every second we had together was a very special gift. The love we had in our youth was nothing compared to the love we shared once together again. Sometimes it takes pain and heartache to make us realize what is really important.

I felt for so long like life had cheated me. I felt that love was a punishment instead of a gift because I just seemed to never be able to keep it for long. Then I realized that had everything always gone perfect I would never have learned the value of the love I have. Pain and adversity are the fertilizer that makes love grow to it's fullest glory. Tears are the rain that waters it and keeps it alive. Every second of life is precious even the painful ones because they make you appreciate the times when all is right. Without the pain how would we ever recognize the Joy?

My love for Johnny and his for me grew every day that we were together even the bad days. There were times when it seemed that everything was trying to destroy our love but it only got stronger. We had problems because of his illness especially the anxiety part of it, but we knew that those problems were not with each other.

Your parents have been given one of the most special gifts a person can ever recieve. A second chance. I hope they make the very most of it and have years to share it. If the time comes when one of them is gone from this Earth the other will always remember that love can be put aside but it never really dies. It lives through all that life throws at us and in the end it stays with us to help us through until the time we finally realize that our love and our loved one will live for eternity. Your parents truly are blessed. As Johnny often said about us "They are one in a million".

I pray for your mom and dad that they will always know the value of their love and have many wonderful years to share it. Lillian

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Lillian, you are so right! What a special gift it is to REALLY loved and be loved - and to get a second chance at it is what all of us hopeless romantics dream of. Even when time is shortened, or years and life get in the way - just to have that is remarkable. Many people never even get one day in their lives of that kind of solid never-ending love.

I hope your parents have years and years of making up for lost time.

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Dear Pherrs,

What a neat, neat story. I'm sorry I'm so late in replying to you, but I've been busy with other things lately. I also want to welcome you here and hope that you will stay in touch with us and keep us posted on your mom's progress, as well as the upcoming marriage.

God bless you,

Peggy

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Absolutely loved your story!!

My husband and I were married back in the early80's.....had 2 sons....my husband just wasn't ready to be a steady dad/husband, and we divorced in 85. We lived in the same neighborhood, and for the next 10 years we absolutely did not speak to each other....if I saw him on the street, I would actually get whiplash from turning my head away as fast as I could (except for the one time I was driving and saw him crossing the street...it took all my strength not to run the b*****d over!!).

I remarried, had two more children, but that marriage also ended in divorce....i was too busy trying to find someone who was everything my ex was not, that I somehow missed the fact that my 2nd was an emotional basket-case........ah, well.

Well, I had heard from mutual friends that my 1st ex had really started down the straight and narrow path, and wanted to have a relationship with his sons. In 94, we started talking.....things progressed beautifully ( a leopard CAN change its spots!)......and we've been together ever since.

He is caring, loving, steadfast and true......nothing means more to him than his family (and that includes my two youngest....he'd move the world for them if he could). Since my dx, I've thanked my lucky stars that he is the one i'm blessed to be with....i can't imagine anyone else being as supportive as he has been. I'm one lucky lady!

Stranger things may happen......but I'm glad for me and your mom that our "true loves" are here beside us!!

Good thoughts to you all.........Mary :)

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Welcome to the board -- and what a great story. Your parents are phenomenal people. I hear so many awful stories about how people are scared AWAY by cancer. To have your dad come through this way is truly exceptional. It bodes well for their future...I'm sure he'll help her do everything she can to beat this dreadful disease.

Keep on coming back here, and get your parents to do the same. It will help them in their fight against lc.

I look forward to hearing more good news from you!

Ellen

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