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A Note from ViVi


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Dear, Dear Friends,

I sat down at the computer early this morning just to check on everyone, promising myself that I would not stay long, as not only do I have many chores to 'catch up' on, but I also did not think my emotional state could handle a long browse of the message board. But here it is 2 hours later and I am still here.

You cannot imagine how important your condolences have been to me in handling my grief. I have read them over and over and each time I cry and each time I smile.

At the time of TBone's 'visitation', there had been 66 replies to my post notifying all of you of his death. I printed out the posts (I hope you don't mind) and made a notebook entitled "Condolences from lchelp.com - the lung cancer survivors' message board Terry joined in January, 2004". I put the notebook on the table in the funeral chapel entryway along with pictures of him from over his lifetime. Many people were astounded that so many people from so many places had responded with such beautiful words. Many commented that it was evident that not only did TBone have a strong and supportive and loving family here at home and in our community, but he also had one that he had never met face to face. Thank you so much for all the words, all the tears, and all the love. I gave the notebook to Ann, Dozier, Elliott and Anna and I know they will find comfort in it in the days and years to come.

As Teacake said, we think TBone would have liked his funeral service and our 'party' afterwards. We burned a CD with Dido's "White Flag" and "Thank you", Jackson Browne's "For a Dancer", John Prine's "Fish and Whistle" and Bob Dylan's "Forever Young" which played as the crowd (and what a crowd it was!!) assembled at the graveside. During the short service, Jake, our nephew, played and sang John Prine's "Paradise" and Dylan's "Forever Young" (dedicated by Terry to his children and nieces and nephews). The crowd dispersed to "Fish and Whistle". Then we came to my house where our many, many wonderful friends fed our out-of -town guests, extended families, friends (and whoever else showed up) from a stash of food brought in by friends that would have fed the entire Message Board! The kids swam in the pond and we all relived old times and we all left smiling. Terry, who was actually not a big crowd man (he liked to talk bull one-on-one or in small groups), I am sure was looking down and smiling - that is, if he wasn't too busy hauling in fish on that big boat he bought last week!

I grieve with those of you who have lost loved ones this week and also those of you who are sharing the last days with your loved ones. That is the hardest part.

I thank each one of you for taking the minutes from your precious time to express your condolences and to share our grief. And I once again thank all of you for taking TBone and his family into your own family and into your hearts for the past 7 months. Rest assured that every one of you will always be a part of our family and each one of you will always have a place in my heart and possess a piece of my soul.


Ginger (ViVi)


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ViVI and all the sisters:

We owe thanks to you for showing us all that a family can come together regardless of differences to help a loved one, not to mention all the love and support you offered so many of us.

I also chose the Dylan song, "Forever Young"--not many people know it and it is so beautiful and has such a dual meaning under the circumstance. I listened to it yesterday again and had a nice good cry. I had forgotten about the Jackson Browne song, so some more tears. But the tears were good tears, so don't worry.

I just want to say again thank you all and take care of all of Terry's kids, including yourselves.

love and fortitude


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So good to hear from you and find things are as well as can be expected. I think you had a wonderful idea in printing out the posts from our little group and sharing our love for TBone and his family with others. I also am glad to hear that more people are chosing music for funerals and memorial service that our loved ones loved. Dennis's memorial service was quite different and many of our older friends didn't quite know how to take it. Dennis loved music...mainly rock and the blues. He was a huge Stevie Ray Vaughn fan, so there were many of his songs played. There was also a lot of rock. During the service, we took time for one of his favorite songs..."In My Life" by the Beatles. Before the song was played, our minister told the story of Dennis' love for that song. That was the very first album that Dennis had bought with money he had earned. He sat in the bedroom and played this particular song over and over. Dennis had said he knew he had always loved that song but never knew why until he met me. At the end, I dedicated "To Where You Are" by Josh Groban to Dennis...the love of my life! I can only believe that he heard that song and smiled ! I'm still keeping you and all of your family in my prayers and hoping you can somehow find peace!!!

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ViVi -

You know, it's funny, when I was in the shower this morning (my "deep thinking" space) I was thinking:

"Gee, we not only lost TBone, we've lost the whole family. I understand that you'll all move on. But I really came to enjoy yours and your sisters posts, and the sense of "family" between you all."

Gonna miss that.

Hugs and prayers,


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I was so glad to read about the send-off for Terry, and to hear from you. I've been thinking about you all and am continuing to pray for you in the days to come as this loss continues to sink in. You are such a remarkable family. I'm really glad you shared our posts with those who came to honor Terry's memory.

Your second post brought more tears to my eyes, but with a smile. I'm hoping Terry won't mind if some of us use his standard sign-off from time to time, in his honor. I'll think of him every single time.

Praying for us all,


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I love the songs and the idea of printing the sentiments here from the site. Sounds beautiful. I have been thinking of you, Teacake, and TeeTaa so much this week. I have been praying for all of you including Ann and the kids. It is so good to hear from you. Please don't be a stranger......I enjoy your posts. (and posts from TeeTaa and Teacake)

"praying for us all" :cry:


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