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The day before.....


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You try to go about business as usual.

You engage in idle chit chat.

You try to stay busy.

Suddenly you realize you are eating so much.

A wave hits you, you feel lke your stomach dropped on a roller coaster.

You know tomorrow is THE day. Scan day!!!!

You joke around about how nervous you are.

You wonder if you can beg and plead for someone to get you a wet reading of the film the same day.

You tell everyone not to call that day or thereafter until you get the results b/c what if the doctor is tryign to call at the same time someone else calls and gets a busy signal (even though you have call waiting, that 1 second lag thing).

You tell yourself "CEA is still normal. There are no physical symptoms upon exam by onc to lead to suspicious of a return of the beast. Why are you freaking out? Oh right, because the beast is SILENT. There is no warning tell tale sign of a little met to the liver or brian or adrenal gland or anywhere."

So you try to do everything you can to make the time fly by when in reailty there is NOTHING all of this worrying will do for you. It either has resurfaced or it hasn't :)

That's me today. What's for dinner?

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Ok, Andrea, I hate to do this because I'm so commited to the Chub Club right now, but I think this might call for a hot fudge brownie sundae from Dairy Queen with extra whipped cream, nuts and a cherry on top. Do they have Dairy Queens in California? If not, the closest ice cream store will do. :wink::wink: NOW, that's what this situation calls for, but I would be not a good friend if I didn't encourage you to have a bag of low-fat popcorn instead. It's really very good. Either one will work!

Andrea, it will be ok. Eat your popcorn and breathe!



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Hmmm...dinner on a high stress day...lessee...

Stuffed pasta shells - stuffed with the same mixture that goes in lasagna - parmesan, ricotta... breaded and then deep fried...MmmmmMMMmmm Cheese AND pasta AND deep-fat frying...covered with alfredo sauce...mmmMMMmmmm MORE cheese (alfredo: heavy cream, REAL butter, more shredded parmesan)...

LOL - if I could stomach it, I'd then cover it all with chocolate and get ALL those comfort foods in there, but instead, how 'bout a large chocolate malted milk as a chaser? Or that deep fried ice cream with chocolate sauce?

Oh boy, starving again... :roll:

Hang in there, ain't nothin' you can do...try not to use too much "chew therapy" unless you're eating celery (burns as many calories to chew it as it introduces to your body)...


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Andrea, you just said a LOT of what I've thought so many times over the past few months. Brava!!

Once the taste in my mouth changed, chocolate no longer tasted good at all. Bummer! Neither does popcorn, Diet Coke (or any soft drink for that matter), or my beloved Mexican food with lots of jalapenos! (Well, ok, I wouldn't expect jalapenos to be the same, but just the same ... :wink: )

I usually spend a great deal of the day before in denial that I'm having any stress. Haha. It hits me in the evening, when I'm thinking about sleeping that night. In all my 51 years up to now, sleep hasn't been much of a problem for me. Now and then I'd be wide-eyed at bedtime, but it would be a one time thing, and I even learned over time how to conquer the occasional sleepless night. Now, it's a different story. If it's the night before something big - a new scan, new treatment or procedure, etc., I can be totally relaxed, but not sleep a wink. My first night in the hospital (Memorial Day) was spent sleepless, with me watching the clock pass every hour, one at a time. Since then, I've only had a few nights like this, but they are NOT pleasant.

For almost a year, I had no bed -- I'd been sleeping in a reclining chair, or on the sofa. Finally I got a new bed about a week ago, and is it great, or what??? I had a little backache for a few days getting used to it, but it is a little slice of heaven! I'm hopeful that I may be able to relax and sleep a little better on the new bed and not have the sleepless nights again. We'll see, I guess.

At any rate, the next new thing will be Sept. 8th when I have a CT/PET scan after 4 rounds of chemo and 35 radiation treatments. Whew. I had such good results at the mid point, that what nags at the back of my mind is that there will be no further progress shown on the scans. Of course, that's what I thought the last time too, and got a really GOOD result.

I think maybe this time that ice cream will do it. And since chocolate doesn't taste right now, lowfat chocolate milk is a nice little treat that does taste good, so I'll use that with some ice cream to mix up a little shake ... yummmmmm ...


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