PLEASE PLEASE i need some advice about my mom

[Guest poppaliki]

Hiya all

First thank you for reading my post as I could really do with some advice right now.

My mom was diagnosed with sclc in may of this year, limited stage ( my dad passed away just over 2 years ago with nsclc) my mom has had 4 rounds of chemo ( carboplatin & etoposide) after the 4th mom was rushed into hospital one morning with chest pains, diagnosed mom with diabetes caused from the steroids which is insulin dependant, mom also had a blood clot and a chest infection, mom was in hospital for 3 weeks, oncologist advised mom to have another chemo treatment called CAV as the other chemo was obviously too strong for mom to handle.

Moms oncologist advised us on the last visit that mom has a shadow behind the cancer which he didnt really go into detail but felt it was related to the cancer? what could this be?

I feel like my mom is closing down on me, she has no interest at the moment in anything and to see my mom like this is killing me inside in fact some days i feel like I am going insane! i am married to a wonderful man with our little daughter called Poppy who is now just over 2 years old with another baby on the way.

My mom lives with my sister who is single and we all seem to be arguing at the moment which is not the right time at all.

I have endless sleepness nights worrying about mom and my other members of the family and i think i have cried all of my tears away as i do not know what the answer is! Is there an answer?

My mom does not seem to have any good days along with the bad, could this be depression??

Please does anyone else feel like this?

Once again thanks for listening

Thanks

Joanne ( England)[/b]

[Guest draiocht_bean_si]

Joanne,

I'm sorry. This is hell on all of you. I think you're mom is going through a terrible adjustment period. I know that my daughter and I argued during my cancer treatment and it hurt both of us. But we are only human and were trying to face an enormous problem. I also have had moments of extreme depression and drawing away.

I wish I could give you advice. All I can tell you is that you may never realize how you're being there means to your mother - and I mean whether you say the right thing or not.

Please take care and don't hesitate to post here. There are caregivers who can give you much better advice than I can.

You have my prayers.

Cat

[paddy]

Hello Joanne,

This is such a difficult, frightening and stressful time. I think that is why we quarrel with our loved ones when it's the last thing we want to do. My husband and I were quarelling one day and suddenly I stopped and said," Do you realize we are arguing over something we are in agreement on"! We had a good laugh at that. Now we realize it is the tension getting to us both and we try to stop it before it escalates. Don't feel guilty , it's just the "nature of the beast!"

Try to wait until you get a clear report on the "shadow" which the Xray shows before you panic. It could be just scar tissue, one never knows.Thinking positive thoughts for you and your Mom. Paddy

[ginnyde]

Joanne,

The first few months are the worst. Your head is spinning. Things never get great as long as the disease is present but a certain amount of normalcy does return.

Is your Mother on antidepressants. My husband's doctors all agree that most cancer patients should be, it helps them handle this journey.

Keep us posted.

[Pamela]

Joanne,

I'm so sorry. The stress, worry and fear can sure grind you down. As for the arguing, I know that must be distressing. Right now I'm sure all of you feel like your world has spun out of control. The level of stress may not get better for awhile, but you will become stronger and better able to handle it as you go along -- especially if you keep corresponding with people here. It helps a whole bunch!

The "shadow" could be an infection. At least that's what it was for my Dad. The doctor told us that an infection can hide behind the tumor. If your mother's on antibiotics, the shadow may well go away soon.

As you know, your mother just doesn't feel good. Her body is going through a lot of trauma right now, and she probably feels the worst she ever has in her life. She may also be experiencing the horrible fatigue described by others here. If so, that could be a reason why she's withdrawn; no energy to even think about doing anything. That could certainly be depressing. As she regains strength, she may become more responsive to you and start having good days again.

There is something else that might be a factor, although not very likely. Since she was on steroids and had a chest infection while taking other medications, she could be experiencing a type of delirium called hypoactive delirium. Most delirium is characterized by agitation, but there is a type that is characterized by lack of movement and withdrawal. Does your mother sometimes say things that don't make sense or appear not to hear what someone says to her? Does she withdraw to the point that she seems to be in her own world and not aware of others in the room?

Just a few thoughts. This is scary, but absolutely not hopeless. Try to create good days for yourself. Enjoy the little things that make life special. Your 2-year-old is a great source for that! When you're in a better place, it may help your mom and sister to be more at peace, too.

Hang in there. You're doing fine. Please let us know how things go.

Pam

[gerbil runner]

The early weeks/months are definitely tough. Chemo really takes a lot out of a person, and the drained feeling can be hard to tell from depression. My mom described being so tired that just lifting her head was a big effort.

Between the tiredness, the disease, and the medications, depression seems to be a widepsread problem for cancer patients and their families. Don't hesitate to seek help for yourself if it doesn't improve, and try to get your mom to ask for help, too.

Hang in there. SCLC can repsond well to chemo, even if the patient doesn't tolerate it well. My mom had to have a different chemo, also.

[MayFrog]

Welcome, Joanne!

So sorry you and your mom are going thru this hellish mess. I truly hope things get better. Depression goes hand in hand with this dx; please, please make sure your mom gets some meds for this....it really helps. I was never a believer in better living thru chemistry....till now!!

Hopefully, your family will settle down once your mom is stabilized.....it's such a scary and frustrating time for all of you. Having a 2-year old and a baby on the way is stressful enough without adding to it.

I hope you visit often.....you've found the best place to be when you have questions, doubts, fears, etc......there's always someone who has been there, done that and can talk you through.

Best wishes to you all.......Mary

[elnodel]

Dear Joanne,

I know how dreadful the first few weeks -- and months -- of all this can be and what a toll of even the best resolves and relationships stress can take. My husband and I found ourselves bickering over the stupidest things, but anti-anxiety medication really helped him calm down (and that helped calm me down, I suppose).

Hang in there -- your mother knows you're there for her. And keep coming back here. This board is a godsend -- I've posted questions when I needed answers to even the simplest, possibly obvious, questions and always got great, generous responses.

Keep us posted! And the advice here is ALWAYS good.

Ellen