One month tomorrow.....

[JoniRobertWilson]

It will be one month tomorrow that Robert passed away. It's unbelievable that he is gone, I can't believe it's already been a month.

The nights are awful. I've learned to take the anti-anxiety meds early so I don't get hit so hard. I wonder how long I'll have to do this? It's actually gotten worse lately. Reality is sinking in. I want to be good enough that I can talk to him, I want to trade everything in my life to have him back. I want my son to have his dad, I want my best friend. This isn't f... fair. He was 42 years old and a good man. This isn't right.

This home is empty without him - even if he was always trying to be in the same room as me! (HA) I miss him you guys. I miss him.

[kimblanchard]

I've been there, too, and I know exactly how you are feeling. For me, the worst was right after we moved, and we were in a house that Becky never even saw. It got better once we got our stuff out. But the good news is it can and will get better over time. We will never be fully healed from our losses. But there is no time frame. Be the best mom you can, and go from there. You are in my prayers.

Curtis

[onefishtwophish]

First I want to say that I am sorry for the loss of your husband. I posted an email a few months ago about how I was having a hard time knowing how to deal with my Uncle who was diagnosed in January with lung/brain cancer. I searched many cancer support groups before I finally found the one I liked, this one, and searched many rooms before I found the right one to post my message in. Your message to me was the only one I received and it really, really meant a lot to me what you said. I never got back to saying Thank You for your advice, so thank you from the bottom of my heart. The reason why I did not RSVP until now was because when I read who the post was from, JoniRobertWilson, it sort of freaked me out and I didn't know what to say really. The reason why it freaked me out was because the only other person we have lost in our family of 35+ that was as shocking as this has all been was my Uncle in 1966 in the Vietnam War. I have always, always felt like even though I never met him that he was my guardian angel, even when I go through my times of feeling faithless I always feel like he is there. His name was Robert Wilson, my family called him Bobby. I couldn't believe it when I saw his name there in my email, what are the chances that the one site and one room I pick to post my message, out of the thousands on the web, that I would receive an email back from a person with the same name as my guardian angel! It really blew me away. As the days passed by after I received your email, my Uncle grew more and more ill and unfortunately passed away July 12th. I keep hearing all the time about people I know who are being diagnosed with some form of cancer, it is very unsettling and disturbing to me to wake up and realize the amount of people who have this disease. My best friends' father in law was JUST diagnosed with the same cancer my Uncle had and given the same prognosis. It makes me so angry and so sad because I now know what they're going to have to endure and I don't wish it upon my worst enemy. Yes my Uncle smoked for many years, but the autopsy showed that his lungs were in excellent shape for a smoker and that it was probably his environment that caused it. We grew up very close to a nuclear power plant and he also worked at GM his whole life. Our bodies weren't meant to endure the toxins we take in everyday, I think that is what is going on in this world and why the cancer rate keeps doubling, tripling, and on and on.... Anyhow, I know I can't know now why it did happen, but I just always wonder and ponder and wish he were here. I hope that you are doing as well as you possibly can and that you can take comfort in the people around you that love you, the memories you have with your husband, and the beauty that remains in the world that we are still here to enjoy and appreciate while our loved ones watch over us. Take care of yourself, Aimee

[Andrea]

Joni,

How is Alex coping? I know y ou are being so strong and brave for him and I am so proud of you. Thinking of you all the time even though I was negligent in my writing

[stand4hope]

Joni,

I feel so sad for you. I can't even imagine your pain and loneliness. I can't imagine losing the love of my life. It hurts me to the core to even think of it. I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this, along with all the others on here who are having to get through the same thing. I only know that most of them say it gets better. I see a lady at my office building about once a week whose husband of 34 years died from cancer about 1 1/2 yrs. ago. I think he had colon cancer. They found out he had it and three weeks later he was gone. She said the first couple of months were awful, but then she made herself get out and make new friends. She met a new man and fell in love. They aren't married, but they are very close. She said she still misses her husband, but she no longer "grieves". She said she visits his grave every couple of months, tidies up the area, leaves some fresh flowers and cries her eyes out, but then she is able to walk out and back into her new life and she is ok. I'm not telling you this because you might meet another man some day, but only to let you know that she told me it does get better, but she did have to work through it for a couple of months before she felt like she could re-join the world.

Much love coming your way, Joni, and give your little guy a big hug for me.

Love,

Peggy

[tess]

Joni,

I am feeling so much the same as you. I know someday it will get easier. I just wish is was sooner than later. I feel such an emptiness inside, Like someone ripped my heart out. I know he is with God and so is my husband. Your husband was 6 years younger than mine, and I know my husband was way too young to have to die. We can't understand the meaning of all this right now, but someday God will reveal it to us when get get to heaven. In the meantime, life sucks! God Bless you and that little boy. Robert is watching over you..............

Tess