Elaine Posted August 16, 2004 Share Posted August 16, 2004 I have never met my birth father. Two years ago this fall, I tried to find him, mostly just to find out if he was alive and if not, to find out how he died, so that I would have that to add to my medical history. I also hoped that I could talk to him, hoping he was old enough and I was old enough that it would be possible. I could find no trace of him. I searched every census for him, and the names I knew of his parents. I had his birthdate and name. I seached for weeks. Today I looked again, and found out that he died within weeks after I had been searching for him. He was 72 and his death record is listed as being registered in Warren County North Carolina. I called to get a copy of his death record. I have to send them 25 cents and a SAE. Or 10.00 if I want an official copy. I don't know why, but I am really really sad about this. Sadder than I thought I would be. elaine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted August 16, 2004 Share Posted August 16, 2004 I am so sorry to hear that, Elaine. While he was alive, there was a chance of some relationship. And now that is gone. So there is a loss there even though you feel like there shouldn't be. Best wishes. Curtis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathy Posted August 16, 2004 Share Posted August 16, 2004 Elaine, Maybe its that you never had any closure to your questions and I would think there has to be some sadness to that..I also think you can care and never even know someone..I'm sorry you are sad, I hope you are okay soon... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted August 16, 2004 Share Posted August 16, 2004 I imagine it is disappointing, after all your work, to find you missed it only by a short time. A "might have been" that might have been good or bad ... But done is done. Corny as it sounds, I believe that when we pass over we become our best selves - so you have a biological father as his best self on the other side, maybe he will be an extra spirit watching over your well-being, especially as on a soul level, he may owe you. I am sorry for your loss. He was an important part of your life even if not a familiar part. Margaret Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted August 16, 2004 Share Posted August 16, 2004 IDEA You have the place and date of his passing. Call or write the local newspaper in that area and see if you can get a copy of his obituary. You can connect with other paternal relatives - aunts, uncles, cousins, maybe even some siblings. This may turn out to be a blessing yet. You can identify the newspaper through a search on the internet. Then splurge for a call and ask them how to go about it. Margaret (a genealogical research expert, hee, hee, hee) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Lamb Posted August 16, 2004 Share Posted August 16, 2004 Elaine,I am always sad to hear of someones passing.We are similar in that I only met my father 1 time at grandmothers funeral(his mom).I was 12 yrs old at the time,and had to pay for my own bottle of coca-cola (from a vending machine).I never tried finding him or talking to him,I never was sorry when he passed either.(my uncle told me he died at age 72 also,from colon cancer).However I feel sad for you losing your birth dad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stand4hope Posted August 16, 2004 Share Posted August 16, 2004 Elaine, Yes, this is very sad and I'm sorry you weren't able to connect with your birth father before now. It's strange that you would bring this up now. We adopted our son when he was 7 weeks old (he's now 27), and in the last couple of years he has expressed sadness because he doesn't know anything about his birth parents or his past. Just last week I contacted a couple of private investigating firms to see what it would take to try to find out who his birth parents are. I'm reluctant to pay the money since the records are supposedly "sealed" and I just don't understand how these firms can get the info. I haven't placed any follow-up calls yet. I can "feel" how empty our son feels because of this void, and so I think I understand your sadness at your birth father's death. I think Margaret had an absolutely wonderful idea. Maybe that can help you to find some closure. Love, Peggy P.S. I'm still waiting to hear back from you on my last PM. Did you make that call on Friday? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeeTaa Posted August 16, 2004 Share Posted August 16, 2004 I don't really have anything to add, except that I don't find it strange at all that you are sad about your birth father's passing. Please know that I am sorry for your loss, and that I'm thinking about you. Blessings, TeeTaa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fay A. Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 I am sorry you are hurting, Elaine. It makes perfect sense to me that you would be sad on many levels. I hope you will consider looking for other paternal relatives. There could be an entire family out there who are just as interested in finding you as you may be in finding them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NellW Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 This makes perfect sense to me too, that you would feel sad. I agree too that maybe finding some of his relatives would help. You could hear about him and possibly find some comfort . Love , Nell Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine Posted August 17, 2004 Author Share Posted August 17, 2004 Thank you to those of you who took the time to reply to something not lc related and I admit an unusual situation. I appreciate you kindness. There are many kinds of losses. And they all hurt. Thank you elaine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tess Posted August 18, 2004 Share Posted August 18, 2004 I think its amazing that you knew to look for him when you were. Its as though someone was telling you to find him. (God or angels or??) I wish you could've found him before he passed. Our souls get connected when we don't even realize it! So amazing! I'm sorry you feel so bad, but its neat to know that something told you to look for him. It gives me hope about faith in God. (I hope I am making sense to you?!) Tess Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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