kimblanchard Posted August 16, 2004 Share Posted August 16, 2004 Today I went to Michael's to mount our wedding rings. Becky had cross-stitched our vows, and they had hung from the wall in our room since we were married. So I took down the vows, and I am having them reframed with the rings inside until such time as Katie wants them. It made for an emotional hour, of course, but I am calming down now. I hope everyone is doing well. Curtis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted August 16, 2004 Share Posted August 16, 2004 Great idea, Curtis. Lucie wears my mother's engagement ring. We gave our only daughter Lucie's mother's engagement ring, and she will eventually get my mother's. She is named for both grandmothers, so it seems only fitting. Love your idea. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 What a beautiful idea, Curtis. I'm sure it is just as Becky would have wanted!!!! I know this must have been very hard for you to do. Hang in there! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fay A. Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 What a lovely sentiment, Curtis. Katie will treasure this keepsake. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nushka Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 I love the idea Curtis. Katie will love it as she gets older. What a sweet idea. I am sure Becky would think it was the thing to do. Nina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ginnyde Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 Curtis, Did you feel it? That was Becky patting you on the back and saying 'Good job Curtis.' How thoughtful and loving for both Becky and Katie. Becky sure knew how to pick a good husband. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathy Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 That is such a beautiful idea Curtis..I'm hoping today is little better for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted August 17, 2004 Author Share Posted August 17, 2004 One thing that was definitely nice was how supportive the clerk was. So many times, strangers just talk too much and end up saying things inane or hurtful. This lady did a nice job of just asking me what she needed to know th frame the rings and left me enough time to stay as composed as possible. More later. I need to run to get to school. But a shout out to Michael's for having a nice clerk. Curtis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Connie B Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 That is just wonderful Curtis. Oh how touching! Katie is right you know? You are doing a great job, and I know none of this is easy. (((CURTIS))) God Bless, Connie B. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted August 17, 2004 Author Share Posted August 17, 2004 One of the biggest fights Becky and I ever had was before we were married but while we were living together. I was involved in six million things the way I usually am, working, playing tennis and bridge, blah blah blah, and not spending enough time with her, at least in Becky's opinion. And so she called me on it. And my response was that she just wouldn't show an interest in any of the things I liked. And her response was that neither did I. And so we spent a day or so being mad, and eventually agreed that she would take some tennis lessons and that I would take some interest in her crafts, and so she taught me to cross-stitch. It was while she was making this thing for our wedding. She didn't keep up with the tennis very much, but I did with the cross stitch, and so now the house is littered with things each of us made. So this design is even more valuable to me because it represents the way we fought. We were so lucky in that our fights led to compromises and the choice to continue to love each other and make decisions that maximized us as a couple. And that we did not have to rehash old fights because they led to changes that put them in the past where they belonged. If there is one thing I could drag into my next relationship (and don't even get me started on my date Sunday; I am still singing Captain and Tenneile songs), it would be that ability to resolve conflicts and leave them buried. Curtis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
norme Posted August 20, 2004 Share Posted August 20, 2004 Curtis, I have a couple tears coming down right now. That was a great post! I have been thinking and thinking about my ring. Does one keep wearing it? When Buddy left for Rainbow Bridge, I put his wedding band on my left finger behind my wedding band because his is so much bigger and mine holds his onto my finger. I look at them both constantly and wonder what should I do. I am no longer married. My love is gone. Does one take them off or leave them on? Or, does one have them both made into another ring? More tears....... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted August 20, 2004 Author Share Posted August 20, 2004 I don't know what to do. I kept mine on for a couple of weeks. But then I would get upset at people when they assumed I had a wife. And so I would leave the bank or the power company or whatever all worked up, and so I decided I had to take mine off. I still wear my WWBD bracelet that my sister-in-law gave me. (What would Becky do, my all in one guide to parenting). Once I took mine off, it took me a while to figure out what to do with them. I wanted Katie to see them and understand their meaning. And I want to see them everyday myself. Curtis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimd Posted August 20, 2004 Share Posted August 20, 2004 Curtis: What a wonderful idea about the rings and what a keepsake for Katie! My mom is facing the same dilemna and I will take your idea to her and suggest she do something more with the rings as well. She hasn't taken hers off yet and don't know that she will anytime soon, but your idea will help her decide what to do with the rings down the road. Your strength and the way you are handling things has been an inspiration. I'm sure Becky couldn't have been any prouder! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted August 21, 2004 Share Posted August 21, 2004 Norme and Curtis, I think the length of time one wears a ring after losing a spouse would be up to the individual. I would think that in Norme's case, where she has absolutely no intention of dating and remarrying, wearing her wedding ring forever would be appropriate if that is want she wants to do. I believe that even though Buddy has passed to wait for her in the hereafter that she is still very much married to him in her heart. Nothing wrong with keeping the ring on her finger as it shows that she is NOT "available". Not sure on how one would wear the deceased's ring, but Norme, don't despair about the memories you jingle when you see the rings together. One of T-Bone's very wise sisters gave some wonderful advice, replace those sad thoughts with happy memories when you feel yourself sinking...I'm SURE that you have many of those to pull from! In Curtis' case, he lost his love far too early. He has a little girl to raise and is a mere man so he actually NEEDS to find another "special someone" (sorry, Curtis, the thought that women are the weaker sex is far too exaggerated LOL). I believe he is the one to decide when to take the ring off, as well. Who am I to set a timeline on when he should pursue "the rest of his life"? His tribute to his marriage and the result of it (Katie) is a wonderful way for Katie to know that she was brought into the world in an environment of love and that Daddy misses Mommy very much... Curtis should decide when it is time to tuck away the pictures and move on, but there should STILL be reminders for Katie that her mother still loves her and always will and that Mommy is a very big part of her (Katie's) relationship with her daddy. Sticky situations, but follow your heart. Love is a personal emotion, people experience and signify it in many different ways. Love to you both, Becky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted August 21, 2004 Author Share Posted August 21, 2004 Thank you for the mostly kind words, there, Beck. You sound a lot like a certain other Becky that I know and love. I sure would like to find someone special and have one heck of a candidate in mind, but NEED might be overstating it some. Becky left me more prepared than I would have ever fathomed. We do NEED a housekeeper, that much I will grant. But I already have a first menstruation speech in draft form on the computer should the unthinkable happen and I be single that long. We could muddle through okay. We are complete now. Hurting and grieving, to be sure, but whole. And it is as a whole that I offer us into a potential relationship. That being said, I will never be as happy single as I will be in partnership. I e-mailed Alisa last night along those lines. I just don't know what to do with all the stuff I accumulate everyday. The interesting newspaper stories, the goofy things Katie does or says (tonight she walked up to me like an Old West gunslinger and said, "You just can't trust penguins. They look you right in the eye and tell you something, and then they go away and do something else." Now I don't know how on earth she could have been double-crossed by a penguin in her short little history, but what the heck do you say to that? "I reckon that's right," in my own drawl, is the best I could come up with.), the joke so dumb it is actually kind of funny that you can't get it out of your mind until you try and deliver it at least once even though you know all it will get is an eye-roll. Maybe someday I will now how to get rid of that stuff as a single guy. 144 days into it I don't have a clue. Poor Alisa gets all of that stuff right now, and she is new enough to the relationship she doesn't roll her eyes yet. But she will learn. I hope. I would hate to think there is someone who would take all that crap seriously once she got to know me. But even more so, I hate to think that I will actually have to find a way to get rid of that stuff some other way than sharing it with a partner. So I protest, but only a little. Curtis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeckyCW Posted August 21, 2004 Share Posted August 21, 2004 Curtis, if I wasn't already married, I think I'd move to Texas and court you myself! (Tell Alisa not to worry...) As for Katie's being double-crossed by penguins, I am quite concerned. Do you know the song, "I Go For Penguins" by Lyle Lovett? It's on his "Lyle Lovett & His Large Band: Live From Texas" CD, I believe, and you and Katie might find it just the thing to help her learn to trust the critters again. (The song always made me laugh, and now I'll always think of her when I hear it! That whole CD has the power to cheer me up, in fact.) BeckyCW Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted August 21, 2004 Author Share Posted August 21, 2004 Thanks for the idea. Every house should have some Lyle Lovett in it. I will pass the word along to Alisa, but not tell her you are married. I do want her married; she is seeing another guy, too. Just until she realizes what she has in me, I am sure, but I don't want her too comfy just yet. The last animal Katie was talking bad about were snakes, but I assumed that came from Sunday school or day care or something. It is a good thing to be shy around snakes. But the bit on penguins was just hysterical. Thanks again. Curtis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jo_lanier Posted August 24, 2004 Share Posted August 24, 2004 What a wonderful and loving idea for your wedding rings, Curtisg. It's something your daughter will appreciate later too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teacake Posted August 24, 2004 Share Posted August 24, 2004 Maybe it's because penguins dress like politicians! Fran Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted August 24, 2004 Author Share Posted August 24, 2004 But I was out buying a bottle of wine for dinner tonight, and there was a Merlot that looked really nice, about the price I was looking for, and it was from Australia and called Little Penguin. I was about to buy it when I heard Katie's voice say, "You can't trust a penguin." And so I put it back. And got something from Southern Italy. Not as cool a name, but not as reckless, either. Curtis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teresag Posted August 24, 2004 Share Posted August 24, 2004 *LOL* Picturing that sweet little girl acting tough, and then saying that about penguins, broke me up! Thanks for the laugh. I like the WWBD bracelet. What a loving thing to do. And congratulations on your VERY proactive stance re: menstruation. Wish my Mom had put that much thought into it.... Mounting the rings with the cross-stitch is just beautiful. Katie, and generations of children after her, will treasure it. Keep doing what you are doing, Curtis, despite the pain. You are an admirable father. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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